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Am I being oversensitive?

(9 Posts)
CarrotsForRebeccaRabbit Wed 24-Oct-12 12:58:20

I have ishoos with my mother, that I keep to myself.

DH and I have not been out together in a very long time and we have had cabin fever.

My mum just constantly goes on about how tired she is from working and how she does so much for everyone, so we don't ask for anything.

I asked if she could mind the kids,

she made a big issue of saying how much she had on (I kept saying OK leave it then)

so today (day we are going out) she texts asking to borrow hundreds of punds till friday (with no please)

i say yes.

even though i'll have to withdraw it from my everyday account as my savings are gone now (she may still think i have some??)

then she says 'are u still going out?'

i say i think so but DH has a headache we'll txt u later after hes took some meds...

she says 'well you have to let me know soon cause if im minding the kids i cant visit your gran and she wont have had a visitor at all today'

so then i feel bad for going out and gran not seeing anyone,

she then calls and says we should go but it just means she'll have to go to my grans after shes minded the kids even though she'll be sooo tired after work and minding the kids....

which as well as making me feel shit AGAIN, means she will be expecting us back early as she needs to be back to give my dad the car at 10pm

so if she wants to go to my grans we will have to be back even earlier??

we dont drive so will take us 40 mins to get to cinema.... and we wanted something to eat.

Now our first 'night out' in about a year just seems like a pain in the arse, time restricted, downer sad

AIB oversensitive?

CarrotsForRebeccaRabbit Wed 24-Oct-12 12:58:52

Ps shes only in her mid 40s, so not old! (the tired thing)

AttilaTheMeerkat Wed 24-Oct-12 13:09:31

No to oversensitive but you're still being embroiled in her drama triangle. You need to completely detach from your mother who is also not above using emotional blackmail on you to keep you in line. This is at heart about power and control.

You certainly need to raise the boundaries with regards to your mother because she is walking all over you and currently sadly you are allowing her to do this to you.

I would suggest you read the "well we took you to Stately Homes" thread on these pages and look at the resources at the start of that thread.

Many children now adults of such crap toxic parenting have FOG - fear, obligation, guilt. I would think you are very much in the fog with regards to your mother.

Why did you say yes to lending her money?. You will likely not see that cash again. Do not lend her any money!.

CarrotsForRebeccaRabbit Wed 24-Oct-12 13:10:51

TBF she borrows money when she needs it and I always get it back, always. So thats not an issue.

I just feel drained sad

ClippedPhoenix Wed 24-Oct-12 13:11:31

Sounds like she has a lot on her plate though OP, looking after your gran.

In saying that though I'm not that close to my mother and asked her to have my son once, she said "Only if I have to", well I never asked her again.

Can't you ask anyone else, get a babysitter?

CarrotsForRebeccaRabbit Wed 24-Oct-12 13:12:06

We have no-one else, hence never going out.

ClippedPhoenix Wed 24-Oct-12 13:13:34

Hasn't anyone you know got a teen daughter/son that would be up for earning a few quid?

CarrotsForRebeccaRabbit Wed 24-Oct-12 13:14:52

No, we really don't have anyone. And theres only a few people I would leave DC with <further issues>

RobotLover68 Wed 24-Oct-12 13:16:30

I used to lend my father money all the time (which he paid back) when the tables were turned and we needed a short term loan (just for a month, small business cash flow difficulties) he gave us a flat "no" even though we knew he could afford it. Next time he asked, we said "no" we never lent him money again. Your DM needs boundaries, but only you can impose them. Her intention is to make you feel bad and it's working! As previous poster said, read stately homes and your eyes will well and truly be opened

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