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How to get over someone?

(17 Posts)
spookiesackhouse Tue 23-Oct-12 23:21:37

I split with my ex five years ago. We were together three years, got on brilliantly, and I loved him dearly. He ended it because he said he wasn't sure he loved me enough to spend the rest of his life with me. Fair enough.

Fast forward to now. My most recent three-year relationship ended spectacularly badly (see my previous thread 'in shock' if interested - would link but I am on phone) and I am still dealing with the fallout of that.

I have always missed my ex - but just dealt with it quietly over the years. We remained platonic friends for a couple of years - and still are really - but contact is only electronic now (I suggested not meeting up anymore so we could both move on freely). But tonight, by pure chance, I saw a photo of him and his new girlfriend on Facebook and have felt teary and sad all night.

I know it's irrational. I just don't think I ever got over him.

Maybe if I had met someone special I would have.

Don't know what i am asking really.

spookiesackhouse Tue 23-Oct-12 23:23:45

Oops didn't mean to hit post so soon.

Was just going to say, I just wanted to get it off my chest and if anyone has any good tips for getting someone totally out of your system please share them smile

HappyHalloweenMotherFucker Tue 23-Oct-12 23:27:53

get under someone else ? smile

I am sorry you are feeling low, btw. I remember your other thread(s)

Hang on in there. I think only time will help (and staying off FB)

BlueSuedeWitchesHat Tue 23-Oct-12 23:32:40

Yep, I second that. Lots of time, lots of wine and good times with friends and family. And possibly block him on FB and delete his number.

There's no time frame on this stuff, don't worry about it taking "too long"- keep away from him, get on with life and one day it just wont bother you quite as much any more.

Chin up chicken, have a forbidden (((((hug)))))

skyebluezombie Wed 24-Oct-12 01:23:15

when you find out let me know? grin

time is the only answer....

WineGoggles Wed 24-Oct-12 08:05:48

Personally I don't think you can get over someone and heal from a broken relationship unless you cut all contact with them. You made the mistake of staying friends and still having electronic contact, which meant you were able to keep emotionally attached to him. My advice is to sever all contact; defriend him on FB, delete his phone and email details (block him if need be) and do what you can to avoid thinking about him. If you find yourself thinking about him then try and stop that thought process. I recently had CBT and my counsellor suggested likening thought processes to trains; just because you're stood on the platform doesn't mean you have to get on random trains, especially the ones going to bad places. It takes practice but I've found that tool really helps.

spookiesackhouse Wed 24-Oct-12 13:24:05

Wine you're right. I really like that analogy and will put it to use in future grin

I am not his friend on FB (he doesn't have it); I just noticed his new gf's profile pic (of them two) when I went to wish someone else 'Happy Birthday'. But yes, besides the point, I am going to sever all contact for my own sanity.

skyebluezombie Wed 24-Oct-12 13:29:33

I agree spookie, if I could cut all contact it would definitely help me. Sadly, due to 4yo DD, I am stuck with having to have contact with the twat for the next X number of years.......

He wanted to remain friends on fb, but I blocked him.

spookiesackhouse Wed 24-Oct-12 13:36:57

skye, I guess you could be strict with yourself re type of contact i.e. relating to DD only? It must be tough :/

I def think you did the right thing by blocking him on FB - would be mental torture being FB friends!

smoothieooo Wed 24-Oct-12 13:40:11

Me too Sky. It would be lovely to cut contact but impossible due to DC. My heart still jumps a bit when I get a text - even though it's usually about contact with the boys.

Doesn't help that he comes and goes at what is now 'my' house whenever he likes. He pays the mortgage and I pay all the bills/kids expenses. He says he's happy to do this but part of me really wants to sell up and move to a smaller place which he wouldn't have keys for. But would probably put me up crap creek financially.

skyebluezombie Wed 24-Oct-12 13:46:09

I only contact him when necessary. BUT - Monday would have been our 7th wedding anniversary , I was upset with it being the anniversary and my divorce is due any day.... (long story short, he walked out with no prior warning earlier this year).

I wasnt expecting any contact from him on the day, then he texts me to say that he cant have DD for a weekend in November that he had agreed, as he has a work commitment now. That messes up my plans, and if DD was older she would have known about it and would know he was letting her down.

So then we end up having a text argument and I hate him and it just stirs it up all over again....... and this is going to continue over and over and over as he puts his friends and work in front of DD..

If DD wasn't around, I would never ever contact him ever again.....

So no contact where no children, is definitely the best way to go!

apart from that, I try and think of the bad times, of what a prick he is, why I am better off without him etc etc

spookiesackhouse Fri 26-Oct-12 10:16:27

I had a text from an old flame/fling last night asking if I'd like to meet up while he's back in town next weekend. He's totally unsuitable as a boyfriend, but perfect for HHMF's suggested solution.

grin

skyebluezombie Fri 26-Oct-12 10:40:25

lol

spookiesackhouse Fri 26-Oct-12 10:45:08

I am a bit scared about getting back in the saddle (so to speak). I think vodka will help shock

skyebluezombie Fri 26-Oct-12 10:51:30

definitely. My STBXH always said that I was more fun when Id been out drinking vodka.... shame he's not around to benefit from it any more!

I cant get my head around having to sleep with somebody new after ten years...... Not that I have a bloke, but you know what I mean!

spookiesackhouse Fri 26-Oct-12 11:22:42

Exactly, his loss! Someone else will be though grin

Yes, it's quite terrifying isn't it? But liberating at the same time...

I was only with mine for 3.5yrs so not as long as you.

For me it's more about getting older. I'm not a young 20something anymore. Again, vodka will help me with that grin

dippyeggs Fri 26-Oct-12 11:30:38

Just read this, am with you all. My exbf texted me the other night, horrible, am getting over him, in that I know he's not right for me (but if I could just harness the nice bites I loved....) sort of way... but needless to say it was a drunken midnight text sharing sordid personal details I really could have done without knowing.... Having read this I'm off to block him on facebook right now!!

Hope it all works out for all of you xxx heart pain is the worst. sad

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