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i'm worried about my friend

(2 Posts)
Dell28 Tue 23-Oct-12 10:48:55

Hello, I'm hoping for some advice on how to help my friend. She told me something a few days ago and I think it was a cry for help. sad

She has 3 young children who she is at home with every day. Oldest is 3. She always seems to cope well with them, and even thrive off it all. But she told me she has been struggling with them recently, and has started drinking to help her cope. I thought she meant in the evenings when they are in bed, but she means during the day when she is alone with them. sad

I am so worried. For her, for them. I don't know if she drinking to the point of drunk, or the quantities involved. When I tried to talk about it more she clammed up and changed the subject. It was obvious she was telling me because she felt bad about it and wanted to stop though. She is breastfeeding as well as caring for them all by herself.

I tried to ask what support she wanted, what I could do to help, but she didn't want to talk about it. After she told me she tried to laugh it off a bit, but I am pretty sure she was asking for help really.

So how do I help? Should I speak to someone? Her husband? Other friends? Someone official?! I thought of going round every day even if just for an hour, but that isn't entirely practical. It is 1.5hrs each way for a start. I have done nothing yet, partly because my own children are ill, partly because I have had loads on with work, partly because I just don't know how to help. I feel terrible though. She has trusted me to do something, and so far I haven't. I have called her every day but not mentioned the drinking yet. As far as I can tell her husband doesn't know.

Please, please advise me. I am so worried, and so out of my depths.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 23-Oct-12 11:26:39

If she's telling you and she knows it's probably a bad thing then I would be slightly more relaxed than if you had found she was secretly drinking and telling no-one or admitting to drinking but laughing it off as no big deal.

I think all you can do is to keep asking if she's doing OK and see if she's getting any help. If she has a DH and other family, for example, it could be that they need to take some time out to help her. Nothing wrong, I wouldn't have thought, in talking to her DH and saying that you think she's struggling without necessarily mentioning the alcohol. If she comes across as a coper and a thriver, she may not ask for help and others may not realise.

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