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Is it over? Im so confused

(11 Posts)
RoxyLady Mon 22-Oct-12 18:32:15

Been with my partner for 8yrs now. We have a 2yr old daughter. Im 32. He is 41.
Ill give a brief background of our history. We met when i had just broken up from a very physical and mentally abusive relationship. I thought he was amazing because he helped me through to get my mind back on track. I had no confidence etc etc.
i thought we were happy until his ex came back on the scene. Then he suddenly felt like he was unsure what he wanted. I moved back to my mothers and we still saw eachother but i found out he was sleeping with his ex and they went on holiday to barbados with eachother. She got preg and had a termination. You can imagine the hurt and pain i went through. Somehow we managed to get through it and stayed together. Then his father got ill with cancer and it was terminal. My partner wanted us to have a baby to show commitment to me and to his father that he was ok. His father died and never got to see our daughter. But when she cane it helped him theough his grief or do i thought.
About two weeks he started acting odd so i checked his phone. He had been having an emotional affair with a woman at his work snd they had kissed. Having a newborn i just didnt have the energy to deal with it so we rowed about it but had to look after my child.
We moved area to live near my mothers and was hoping it would be a whold new start. And it was.... We started trying for another baby but we have had three miscarriages in a row. We are trying to buy our home which is taking months... He works 24/7 so we hardky see eachother and now all we do is fight because of all the stress. When i try to say we need to sit and resolve our priblem he literally shuts down. Even slammed a door in my face tonight. He always sees the negative and never the positive. Im so sad and it seems he doesnt care to resolve it. Hes an amazing dad, amazing. I cant fault him.
How do i get him to fix us? I dont want my daughter to grow up in a broken home.

RoxyLady Mon 22-Oct-12 18:49:21

Would really appreciate some help. Im so low right now.

Doha Mon 22-Oct-12 18:49:35

It really sounds as if the only person this man is commited to is himself.
Given his hostory l would have thrown in the towel long ago
Please stop trying to have another baby with him, l fear you will end up as a single parent sooner rather than later

AbigailAdams Mon 22-Oct-12 19:37:32

He works 24/7 but is an amazing Dad. Those two statements don't compute. Rose tinted spectacles there methinks.

He had an affair with his ex and "we" got through it. He didn't have to get through a lot really did he? You were the one that had to get through it just like you are the only one trying in this relationship. It shouldn't be this hard.

Cut your losses Roxy he is never going to be the man you want him to be.

joblot Mon 22-Oct-12 19:43:54

Sounds grim to me. He sounds horrid. I've not read a threat yet where op describes cheater as a crap parent. But they so obviously are

maleview70 Mon 22-Oct-12 19:51:55

He misbehaves....you forgive him

He misbehaves again......you forgive him again

He misbehaves yet again.....you forgive him yet again!

Can you see the pattern emerging? He will continue to misbehave because he has been given the green light to do so!

izzyizin Mon 22-Oct-12 19:59:23

Hes an amazing dad, amazing. I cant fault him

Can you explain exactly how qualifies as a contender for Dad of the Year?

Offred Mon 22-Oct-12 20:26:07

Yes, whilst I'm really sad for you it is obvious from what you write that he is neither an amazing father nor even as good as a mediocre partner. From what you say he never committed to you, never wanted a baby and has runaway from your family by having affairs and working 24/7. You sound loving and desperate to make it work but I think this is incredibly unlikely based on the history of your relationship. Your dc would be better off with two happy separated parents than a toxic and turbulent family environment revolving around staying together at any cost.

HappyHalloweenMotherFucker Mon 22-Oct-12 20:32:07

Your daughter is already from a broken home

I am sorry about your mc's, but please stop having more babies with this man

He is going to let you down massively (again) and you are sleepwalking right into it sad

bakingaddict Mon 22-Oct-12 20:48:20

I'll be blunt....life's too short to be with a prick like your OH.

You and your DD deserve so much more than being his back-up plan

KennethParcell Mon 22-Oct-12 20:52:30

It sounds like it could have been a rebound relationship for both of you in different ways. That's not to take away from what it was at the time. He helped rebuild your confidence you say but now I guess this break up will take away from it.

please lose the mentality of 'broken home'. That is an ADJUSTMENT. it is quite hard when you picture yourself as a conventional respectable conservative WIFE to go from that to being a single mother, even in these times it can be a tough adjustment but you will make it and it won't go on feeling like a massive tragedy indefinitely you know.

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