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Worried about DM's partner

(6 Posts)
ShouldIWorryAbout Mon 22-Oct-12 15:51:31

I've Namechanged as I don't want to be outed and I've not discussed these concerns with anyone in RL, I don't know if I'm imagining things, or if I really have something to worry about.

My Mum and Dad seperated about 10 years ago, and about a year later my mum found a really nice guy who she eventually moved in with.

It's always bugged me that when he meets me or my sister, he always goes for a kiss on the lips, not on the cheek as most normal people do.

Then about a year ago when I was visiting my mum, he accidentally walked into the room I was sleeping in, after he'd been to the loo (the doors are next to each other, but perpindicular to each other) he mummbled something and walked back out. I must admit I put a chair against the door and went back to sleep. My mum did comment the next day that it was rather odd, and he'd never done that before (he has lived in the same house for 30 odd years)

DD is now 3, and has grown into a lovely little girl, and the last time we visited I noticed mums new partner spent an unusual ammount of time playing with DD. Now I'm probably being paranoid, but something in my gut just doesn't feel right. I'm hoping that it's just a case that he's more interested as she's a lot more interactive than she was as a baby. And I must add DD loves him to bits and gets really excited about seeing him.

So am I being paranoid, or do you think I have something to worry about?

Bossybritches22 Mon 22-Oct-12 15:56:13

With all the recent revelations I don't blame you for being watchful.

Trust yr instincts but at the same time try not to project your worries to yr DD.

So difficult but you are not being paranoid IMHO just cautious.

TherapeuticVino Mon 22-Oct-12 16:02:41

The only thing you've mentioned that I would find worrying is the gut instinct....I'm a big believer in trusting your gut.

CailinDana Mon 22-Oct-12 16:12:06

You are subtly picking up on signals that things aren't quite right. Next time he is around your DD make a mental note of the tiny things he does that all add up to make you uneasy. They might seem really silly and insignificant on their own but added together they will probably clarify why you're not happy. For example does he:
-Make comments that are ever so slightly "off" and adult?
-Make an effort to touch your DD when the situation doesn't really call for it?
-Try to get her "on side" by pitting her against other people in silly games?
-Use a tone of voice that is more flirty/husky than friendly and playful?
-Talk about her as if she is older than she is?
-Make slightly inappropriate comments about her appearance?
-Play games that involve your DD being in a "submissive" role?
-Use bargaining - "I'll do this if you do that"?

izzyizin Mon 22-Oct-12 16:23:32

Go with your gut feelings - ALWAYS!!

Keep a close eye on his interactions with your dd and especially note if he is overly touchy/feely, wants her to sit on his lap, etc, and next time he goes for your lips either pre-empt him with a mwah mwah on both cheeks continental style, or turn your head to make sure he ends up kissing your ear while you make the mwah sound.

ShouldIWorryAbout Mon 22-Oct-12 17:24:55

Thanks for your replies, so far he's not done anything that been suggested up thread, but I will keep an eye out for those behaviours.

I'm really hoping I'm just being paranoid and over reacting to a minor incident (the bedroom thing)

Thanks for not calling me mad, or crazy, my gut is normally quite spot on, so I find it hard to ignore.

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