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More and more people checking on their partner's Facebook usage.

(48 Posts)
OneMoreChap Mon 22-Oct-12 11:57:44

I though this article was quite interesting.

I noticed;
The Bitdefender study found that the number of women who had husbands or boyfriends aged 25 to 34 were three times more likely as a man to track their significant others’ Facebook activity. American and British women were the most active with this app as 67 percent of them installed it to track their husband or boyfriend’s account.

Women more suspicious, or men more dodgy?
I was surprised, as perhaps wrongly I thought blokes were more likely to play with techy toys on PCs.

FunBagFreddie Mon 22-Oct-12 12:37:26

Facebook is probably responsible for many relationship troubles. In fact, I know know it is because of annecdotal evidence.

MOSagain Mon 22-Oct-12 12:39:41

Facebook is definitely responsible for a lot of relationship problems, mine included. I read a report last year about the significant increase in divorces, many of which were as a result of FB relationships, people re-connecting with exes etc.

FunBagFreddie Mon 22-Oct-12 12:47:59

It's almost like it's been set up to make spouses jealous and suspicious. Sometimes there's a reason for being suspicious, but I'm ashamed to say that my partner and I had a ding dong over something stupid on Facebook.

I'd also like to mention that a married man who apparently had admired me from afar for many years started talking to me. I was friends with his SIL, so while I thought it was odd that he'd sent me a friend request, I also shrugged it off, because some people will add just about anyone.

Anyway, he was sending me some very pervy messages and trying to get me too meet up with him for a bit of how's yer father. So, I blocked him. Facebook is also set up for cheaters, if they are careful and cover their tracks.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 22-Oct-12 12:49:04

"Women more suspicious, or men more dodgy?"

I think it's got more to do with 'people' (all genders) totally forgetting what it means to be private or discreet which in turn makes it very easy for others to cross boundaries & end up stalking, snooping and making judgements. FB-ers seem to post indiscriminately about anything and everything and, if you splatter every detail of your private life across the internet and think it's going to magically remain secret, some day your stupidity will find you out..

FunBagFreddie Mon 22-Oct-12 12:54:18

There is just as much scope for women to be unfaithful using Facebook. I could have met that man, and as long as I deleted my message history, didn't post anything stupid and kept my password secret DP would never have found out.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 22-Oct-12 12:59:23

It's not just FB that's a Stalkers'/Cheaters' Charter... Anyone who has your postcode can gaze at a picture of your house on a Google map. Addresses and phone numbers are very easy to find. There are phone-tracking and people-tracking apps for phones. In the olden days if you didn't have the money to fund a private investigator you couldn't do any of this stuff. I'm not sure it's particularly healthy

FunBagFreddie Mon 22-Oct-12 13:05:01

Definitely Cognito I don't think that a lot of people even realise the implications of this, especially younger people. What happened to privacy ffs?

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 22-Oct-12 13:11:24

There was a long thread here not so long ago about the place of privacy within a relationship. Some people seem to think that being in a relationship means that they are entitled to look at their partner's correspondence as a matter of course. Personally, I'd be horrified if any partner of mine had so little trust and respect for me that they wanted to rifle through my text messages or whatever.... I'd think it was as bad manners and creepy as opening my post or ear-wigging my telephone calls.

Offred Mon 22-Oct-12 13:13:10

It is purely and simply that unhappily in our society women are still frequently financially dependent on male partners when they have babies. This is the incentive for snooping surely?

I don't think fb is to blame. It is perfectly possible to use Facebook and not cheat, snoop or plaster your private life everywhere.

FunBagFreddie Mon 22-Oct-12 13:15:04

I talk to people on the internet at night, have my own passwords, keep my phone on me all the time and DP doesn't get to see the bill etc. Am I having an affair? Not at all. However, everyone who has been cheated on with say that texting, IM and email was involved. You can't control another person.

I do also read a lot of threads on here where people have got pissed off about other stuff on Facebook. I just don't think it's very healthy.

OneMoreChap Mon 22-Oct-12 14:28:11

Offred Mon 22-Oct-12 13:13:10
It is purely and simply that unhappily in our society women are still frequently financially dependent on male partners when they have babies. This is the incentive for snooping surely?

Wow, what a depressing view of women! Where's Xenia when you need her?
XW went back to work full time, as I was throughout. Some women are, or become, financially dependent on men. Many don't, and fewer should... why give away your independence. [At the same time, I'm amazed at how many men let themselves be manipulated/guided out of raising their children; I thought it was hard, but very rewarding]

ickywickyyicky Mon 22-Oct-12 14:39:03

I wish I had - DH wants to stay after facebook based affair (only met once in RL) - and if I had not given him complete privacy when sitting next to each other on the sofa - I would have known what he was up to.

People with mid-life crises, seem to get back in touch with long lost school friends ..... and start pretending they are teenagers again! FB also lets people pretend to be something they are not - her photo was 10 years old, and she fully looked her age!

I am personally comfortable with whatever I do, and have no problem with him seeing anything. Does help that I wouldn't have an affair for the simple reason I promised not to, rather than lack of opportunity. I would never want to have a friend blurt out something I had said - so I try not to say things that might come back and bite me.

pourmeanotherglass Mon 22-Oct-12 14:48:07

Why do you need to 'track their activity'. Surely most people are facebook friends with their partner, so their activity appears in your home screen?

MOSagain Mon 22-Oct-12 15:28:41

Yes pourmeanother but it doesn't mean you can see their private 'chat' conversations. Despite me being a 'friend' of DH on FB I still didn't know about his cyber sex chats on FB and f***ing his ex wife's best friend for 2 1/2 years! Not that I'm bitter sad

Trills Mon 22-Oct-12 15:30:49

That's a bit of a crap sample, as the people they are talking about are all people who downloaded a monitoring program.

fiventhree Mon 22-Oct-12 15:33:14

I cant see why so many people bother with Facebook, other than teenagers.

I had it for a short while, and got sick of the facile postings. People either stealth or not so stealth boasting or imagining that anyone needs a blow by blow account of their day. Including my SiL, who uses it to update us on progress with her daily household chores.

FunBagFreddie Mon 22-Oct-12 15:35:41

fiventhree, I concur!

garlicbaguette Mon 22-Oct-12 15:57:38

I love facebook.

ICT does not make people cheat. Or burgle. Before the internet they used other methods to check out potential shag partners and posh houses.

The world's full of creepy lechers (of both sexes) and always has been. If some bloke's leered at you via facebook, you can bet your last pombear they've leered at somebody else in person this week.

It is a crap sample.

CupsofTeaAndHandfulsOfCake Mon 22-Oct-12 16:11:49

you can bet your last pombear smile

Offred Mon 22-Oct-12 17:14:59

Onemorechap - it isn't a depressing view of women, it is a depressing view of society. When you have a baby you are normally temporarily financially and physically incapacitated and dependent to some degree, normally on your partner who is normally a man. The length of the dependency depends on a lot of factors for instance if you are married to a man who is a high earner (therefore not qualifying for tax credits and childcare help) and you cannot achieve a decent salary in work yourself you are actually blocked from the job market because of the cost of returning to work. Joint claims for unemployment benefits are normally paid to the one seeking work (and not the one caring for the children) which is normally the man etc, taxes are calculated individually but all benefits are based on household income irrespective of who has access to it meaning the way society is set up means women with children are often forcibly made financially dependent on men and their benevolence (or not). For the vast majority of women with children they are normally the ones with the childcare responsibilities, normally the ones who compromise their careers and earnings and are normally dependent on their partners or the state to some degree if they are single think it says more about what society feels about the value of unpaid caring work, not just childcare, and also who society thinks should do it.

Offred Mon 22-Oct-12 17:17:50

Plenty of men want to do more childcare I agree but for most of them the main reason they choose not to or are happy with not doing is because of the terrible working conditions and pay. Those things are something men tend to be raised not to accept.

FunBagFreddie Mon 22-Oct-12 17:19:03

Offred, tbh honest that's why I've only had the one child. Having a baby with SBXP was enough to put me off ever doing it again.

Offred Mon 22-Oct-12 17:24:59

Funbag - sad even though my dh is wonderful my eldest two came from an abusive relationship, the second an overt rape before he left and when dh and I planned a child we ended up with twins. It does make me feel very resentful sometimes that even though my dh is really lovely my life and my choices are dependent on him entirely because of children I feel like I've been landed with. They are wonderful, brilliant gorgeous children that I love but I can't help feeling like the world shouldn't be set up to work like this.

Offred Mon 22-Oct-12 17:30:38

Should point out that dh pays his salary into a joint account which I have free access to and is paying for me to study law, never gets annoyed at me over money or behaves like it is his... But still I hate that women are supposed to take responsibility for choosing a partner that is not going to exploit them (somewhat impossible to know) or alternatively to do all the caring and domestic labour as well as the paid work if they are single.

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