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request for contact has me on edge

(6 Posts)
geologygirl Sat 20-Oct-12 22:43:34

Evening all. I wil try to keep this brief but I need some wisdom about how to deal with my ex-p request for contact.

My ds is 19mths now and his dad and I split up for good when he was about 10mths. We split up due to dv issues. He didn't hurt ds but I got him out of my house and ended it as I didn't want such a mean and unstable person around ds. Plus when people can't control their anger, who knows what they may be capable of!
Anyway, ex-p wrote and asked for contact 8mths ago, after refusing contact centre etc. I asked him what sort of hours and he then said he couldn't do the days hed suggested in letter. We didn't get anywhere and he spent the next 6mts asking to get married, sayng how sorry he was, he was depressed. Whenever I didn't respond, he would then get verbally abusive again (via text).

So now he has written again asking to see ds every weekend. What should I be doing here?? I am feeling really scared as the past year I've really worked hard and ds and I are very happy and settled. I know I'm prob being selfish. I will have to give access won't I? He has PR. Does it need to be every wk to start off with? I'm anxious about that. How do I know he is stable? Ex is also from overseas and that worries me too. But I do have ds UK passport so maybe its safer. Aaargh! Pls help!

Sorry for any tyos. Am on phone...sorry it wasn't brief too!

NatashaBee Sat 20-Oct-12 22:59:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

solidgoldbrass Sat 20-Oct-12 23:04:28

If a man has a track record of DV then it's up to him to prove that he is not a danger to his DC. If he is being abusive by text or email then keep hold of all the evidence of his bad, unreasonable behaviour. Courts approach contact from the viewpoint of what's best for the child, and the child's right to have a relationship with the absent parent not what the absent parent wants.

If you think his motivation for seeking contact is in order to keep on harassing and abusing you, there are ways to allow contact between him and your child while preventing him having any contact with you.

Do see a solicitor, preferably one with experience of DV situations. Best of luck.

issey6cats Sat 20-Oct-12 23:04:36

i would be extremely cautious about letting your ex have this much contact with your son, ie every weekend , hes only 19 months old and dosent know this man , and generally speaking men with DV tendencies dont tend to change that much, i would suggest to your ex that short get to know his son, and supervised access to start with and yes if hes from abroad be very wary that he hasnt been planning something dodgy over the last few months

geologygirl Sat 20-Oct-12 23:20:15

Thanks for your replies. I think deep down I know I need to stick to my guns and refuse contact unless its supervised. I cannot trust him at all and you are right, he has to prove he is ok and safe for ds to be around. My ds was so introverted and shy when exp was still around...days after I chucked him out, my ds had changed completely. He suddenly became such a happy little boy. I just have to keep remembering that and not get my exp's guilt trips get to me so much...

hildebrandisgettinghappier Sun 21-Oct-12 08:21:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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