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Feel so intimidated by the attractive partners of DP's friends

(5 Posts)
TheThingsWeDo Sat 20-Oct-12 20:13:53

I'm aware that this will probably sound really pathetic but I'm really struggling at the moment with feeling very intimidated by the wives/partners of my DP's friends.

I feel so inferior to them; and I feel that when we are out with them that DP is probably sat there wishing he was with his friends' more attractive partners instead of me (he is very handsome).

It's got to the point where I really dread going out with other couples. I spend the whole time feeling ugly and as though I'm not good enough to be there. I'm too embarrassed to talk to anyone in RL as I just cringe at how pathetic and shallow I sound.

I know that I just need to get over this and stop being so silly but I don't know how. I try to tell myself that looks aren't everything but I feel really inferior to these women generally- less successful, less interesting, less likeable etc. It makes me feel really sad and I get really anxious at the thought of having to go out with DP's friends/their partners.

I guess it goes without saying that I'm not very confident in myself; if I were to be more confident overall would I be less worried about spending time with these glamorous, attractive women? Does anyone else feel like this? Any tips to feel better about being in the company of much more attractive women?

RobynRidingHood Sat 20-Oct-12 20:24:23

In the same way you don't value your looks, other people may not find your DP handsome. So by that rationale, all these beautiful women may only be your expectation of beauty and not to your DPs taste at all.

Relationships are not built on looks; its built on trust, common ground, common goals etc but attraction is very unique involving a lot more than 'good looks'. I've seen very obese women surrounded by men, because they are witty, charming and eloquent and very traditionally attractive women almost ignored due to being quite vacuous, self absorbed, and humourless.

Not everyone wants to be surrounded by life and soul of the party types.

Why do you feel less interesting? or less successful? It's only your measures. You need to start valuing yourself and looking at your postive aspects.

chocolatepuff Sat 20-Oct-12 20:25:54

Agree with Robyn. Also have u spoken to your dp about it? He may be able to put your mind at ease

TheThingsWeDo Sat 20-Oct-12 20:34:26

Thank you for your kind responses robyn and chocolate.They are all in high powered jobs (whereas, putting it kindly, i haven't found my niche careerwise) and seem confident and likeable. I do not like myself very much so when I am out I am trying to fake a more confident persona the whole time.

I have tried talking to DP, and he will say 'don't be silly, you're gorgeous and XX is a bit annoying to be honest. I really don't find her attractive'. But then he can hardly admit to me that he'd rather be in bed with one of his friend's girlfriends than me. But I try not to make too big a deal of it to DP, because I feel like it's highlighting my flaws to him- both in terms of not being as attractive and also the fact that I am so tragically lacking in confidence- not a sexy quality.

dequoisagitil Sat 20-Oct-12 20:49:40

I think you should probably do some counselling or possibly cbt to try and rid yourself of these negative thought patterns. You need to be happy about you.

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