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Bitter at having to do everything. Am I in the wrong?

(21 Posts)
Iodine Fri 19-Oct-12 23:36:07

I am struggling with feeling bitter in my relationship. I am unemployed at the moment having had to give up my job to move to a new area for DPs training.

I understand he works long days, but I don't see why I should do everything for him like a slave. He expects me to clean the house, run the accounts, food shop, cook and run all of his errands. I am struggling to find time to fit all of this in and fill in length application forms (am also applying to uni which has been a lengthy process) and study for my OU course.

He comes home, eats dinner and lies down on the sofa all evening. If I am walking about (delivering his dinner, collecting plates, washig up) he expects me to go to other rooms to get things for him or bring him a drink. He will even ask me to pass him things when he is closest to them.

Should I have to do everything around the house as "rent"? When I was the breadwinner and he was at uni I still had to do everything as he "had exams". I feel like his mother not a lover and it's wearing me down.

FunBagFreddie Fri 19-Oct-12 23:41:23

I don't think you're in the wrong. He's taking the piss.

Yama Fri 19-Oct-12 23:43:48

Dear God, what on earth are you doing?

Iodine Fri 19-Oct-12 23:46:25

He thinks that because im not earning money I should do everything. Including laundry and ironing his shirts.

FunBagFreddie Fri 19-Oct-12 23:58:03

But you supported him when he was studying. Relationships should hve an element of give and take. It sounds as though all he wants to do is take.

simplesusan Sat 20-Oct-12 00:30:26

He is being unreasonable.

zinaida Sat 20-Oct-12 00:44:34

He sounds like an arse. Why do you put up with it when you supported him through uni?

tiredofwaitingforitalltochange Sat 20-Oct-12 00:55:03

He's a lazy, entitled slob. Fuck that.

BustersOfDoom Sat 20-Oct-12 01:14:49

Sounds like you've found yourself a cocklodger OP. No matter how it works - whether you or he is the breadwinner - he's positioned himself as having to do fuck all and you shouldn't put up with it.

I've been the major breadwinner in our household for the last ten years yet I pull my weight and more, as I did when I was studying for my professional exams. I still had to muck in with family life and responsibilites. Due to DP's working patterns I had no choice and the same went for my colleagues taking the same exams.

My DP does a very physical job and works more hours than I do yet he does all the cooking. His choice. He's also currently re-doing our bathroom in his spare time.

If I were you OP I would kick him and his belongings out of the door because he is taking the utter piss. He knows it and so do you.

Dryjuice25 Sat 20-Oct-12 01:56:56

Sounds like women only exist for men's benefit in his world. He is like a slavedriver.....what a piss-taker

solidgoldbrass Sat 20-Oct-12 03:07:34

How easy is it going to be to get rid of him? Do you have children with him? Is the house his. yours, or in joint ownership/tenancy?

You can't carry on living with a lazy dickhead, it will wear you into the ground. You need to either put him out or move out; whichever one you choose, good luck.

hildebrandisgettinghappier Sat 20-Oct-12 07:14:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tribpot Sat 20-Oct-12 08:03:54

But hang on - even leaving aside everything else, the reason you are currently unemployed is because you moved for his job.

As to expecting you to fetch things for him whilst he lies on the sofa - for real? This kind of man still exists? Tell him Dr Who could offer him a lift back to 1955.

PoppadomPreach Sat 20-Oct-12 08:11:09

He is absolutely taking the piss. Read the riot act, if he is unwilling to change, then I think you then need to consider where you are in your relationship. If you. Are planning to have kids - if you, and he stays the same, you are going to be feeling like this x1000.

I'm sorry you're being treated like this.

hildebrandisgettinghappier Sat 20-Oct-12 08:16:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SirSugar Sat 20-Oct-12 08:21:02

Please leave

ledkr Sat 20-Oct-12 08:22:03

Oh come on just stop doing it all and stop being a martyr what is he going to do if you don't do it?
Delivering his dinner? Are you mad?

AttilaTheMeerkat Sat 20-Oct-12 08:22:45


You've landed yourself with a lazy arsed cocklodger. Time to give him his marching orders.

What do you get out of this relationship now, why are you still there?.

AThingInYourLife Sat 20-Oct-12 14:46:50

You gave up your job for this fuckhead?

What were you thinking?

Is there any chance you can get it back?

The way he's treating you is abusive and contemptuous.

He is a nasty piece of work.

Get yourself away from him.

SugariceAndScary Sat 20-Oct-12 14:53:26

Sorry but he sounds like a dickhead and you're enabling him by 'delivering his dinner' etc.

Get back your self respect and tell him to step up or ship out.

Mum2Fergus Sat 20-Oct-12 14:57:37

Run as fast as you can OP.

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