OK, first let me point out that I feel terrible about the following problem. I know I?m being unreasonable but can?t seem to help the way I feel. Would love some advice as to how to deal with it?
I am currently on ML after DC4 although I usually work PT since DC3 arrived.
DH has always travelled occasionally with his work and in the past when I?ve been working full time I?ve really struggled to juggle everything when he is away as my job was not geared up to being able to do all of the pickups/drop offs etc alone. I really expected to find it so much better when my workload decreased (now not working at all, of course). However, the practical difficulties have been replaced by problems I?ve created.
The last time he went away DC4 was 8 weeks old and he went to the US for a week. I completely went to pieces. From a practical point of view I was fine but I was completely taken over by jealousy and resentment. All I could think about was DH being jetted off to see a new part of the world, being wined and dined and (best of all) getting full nights sleep in a posh hotel. I, meanwhile, was getting no sleep with a newborn and a sleep-defying toddler and generally running myself ragged. I know that in truth he?d rather have been with us, but I couldn?t seem to see past my resentment, which really came between us for a while. I realise it?s not DH?s fault and feel so sorry for him.
Fast-forward to last night. Turns out he?s been dreading talking to me about a conference he?s been invited to. It?s being held at a luxury spa hotel with fine dining each evening. I really don?t know what to say. I don?t want to hold his career back but don?t want to say it?s fine and then explode at him later.
As I said above, I realise that I?m being selfish and horrible about this. I just wondered if there were any suggestions as to how I can learn to deal with it a bit better. I adore my kids and am so happy to have the opportunity to spend this time with them. I was the main breadwinner after DC1 and 2 and could not afford more than 10 weeks off after either of them. I just wish I wasn?t such a green-eyed monster over this travel thing. DH says that if it?s going to be a problem for me he?ll not go and will try and pick out trips in the future that I can tag along on, but I really don?t know if this is going to be possible (financially or practically), and I so don?t want to damage his career.
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Relationships
Jealous of DH
sadlyunreasonable · 19/10/2012 13:08
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