Sorry if this is long, I just don't want to drip feed.
We moved to Australia about a year ago when DH's company relocated him. It's a short term move (a couple of years) and although it's been hard with 2 young DCs and I've given up a lot (family, friends, job, car, my own money etc.) I was happy to try it out for the experience and for the benefit of DH's career. It does mean that I've got pretty much no support other than DH and I've lost a great deal of independence from him.
I'm 33 weeks pregnant with DC3 and at the stage where I feel pretty vulnerable. I'm huge and I feel horribly unattractive at the moment. A couple of months ago DH went away on a stag do. A group of his friends rented a house for the weekend and did the usual things like paintballing and playing poker. It was hard for me being on my own with the kids all weekend, we were all ill and didn't really sleep. I let DH know this, he was sympathetic at the time but later said whenever he goes away I waste no time in telling him what a nightmare it is for me.
Anyway a few weeks ago I found out from a friend that during that stag do they had hired strippers to come round to the house and serve drinks and deal cards whilst topless. I think they also put on a show involving the stag. I felt quite hurt by this. I thought perhaps they'd been to a strip club but felt silly for asking, but there's something much more intimate about having topless, beautiful young women serving you drinks etc. When I asked DH about it he said he'd kept it quiet because he knew in my pregnant state it would upset me and because I hadn't had an easy weekend, so it was the last thing I wanted to hear. He was genuinely surprised that I was upset by it, to him it was just harmless stag do fun.
While I was in the dark about the strippers, I agreed to DH going another stag do (that's he's currently on) and it turns out exactly the same thing is going to happen. If I had known I would have said "no" because of how awful I was going to feel about it. It's a lot for me to be completely on my own with the DCs for 4 days whilst heavily pregnant, but knowing that he's going to be in presence of perfect naked women is just making me feel really sad. I sat in the bath this evening and just sobbed. Before I had DH's kids I had a body to be proud of and a career and a life, now I feel all washed up and spat out if that makes sense? That being said the DCs are my life and I wouldn't change that for anything.
Am I over-reacting due to hormones/feeling really unattractive? Do I need to get a grip?
If you've got this far, thanks for reading. It's 4am here and the DCs will up soon so I'm going to try to sleep.
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stag do strippers - AIBU?
SadSheila · 18/10/2012 18:18
The thing is, he wasn't going to go on this one because I'm heavily pregnant and had already pulled out, I encouraged him to go because we're both invited to the wedding! 
When I asked DH about it he said he'd kept it quiet because he knew in my pregnant state it would upset me and because I hadn't had an easy weekend, so it was the last thing I wanted to hear. He was genuinely surprised that I was upset by it, to him it was just harmless stag do fun.
He is contradicting himself - he didn't tell you cos it would upset you and yet at the same time he's surprised you are upset 
I would tell him that if he respects the pregnant mother of his beautiful DCs and his marriage then he wouldn't dream of going at all.
He is being a selfish creep and his attitudes towards women stink - not a decent father, role model or husband. I wouldn't be surprised if you do all the shit work at home and that he has far more child free leisure time than you do. It does not sound like an equal marriage
I would be very wary as men like him are vulnerable to cheating....
Just for this alone, he later said whenever he goes away I waste no time in telling him what a nightmare it is for me, think you deserve a nice 5 day stay child free at a spa with a female friend before much longer.
For the wedding you'll want to look your absolute best won't you so hang the expense, hairdresser round to you and a beautiful outfit for the day, new shoes new bag.
I hope this isn't the tip of the marital iceberg and he is a hands on dad the rest of the time but if not you have some big thinking to do. I know now when you feel at your most vulnerable you have to focus on your physical well-being but in spite of the huge efforts you've made to carve a new life across the world, he is majorly taking the piss.
its a shot in the dark here, but is it more about feeling unloved and unnappreciated by your partner here, rather than strippers per se? For some men, I guess, topless strippers are no big deal. Are there other things going on for in your situation?
Nevertheless I find it very sad that you are sobbing in the bath . And I want to add, personally I do not think pregnant women are unnattractive. On the contrary, I think they are sometimes very beautiful, so please do not assume that about yourself ...
HE is the one making you feel worthless and unattractive by his behaviour-Does he tell you how beautiful you are while you are carrying his child, does he make you feel special and cherished?
Decent men don't fuck off for stag weekends , leaving their pregnant wife to care for the children, decent men don't lie by omission , decent men who like women ( as equals, not just as sexual objects) don't pay for naked women to "serve" them.
This is the second worst "stripper" thread I've ever seen on here.
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