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Worried about DP.

(56 Posts)

I dont know what to do or how to help him.

We have had a really bad time this year, particularly since he lost his job in august.

I am due a baby in two weeks. We were illegally evicted from our house in august and threatened. We found this house, the LL agreed that we could move in without a deposit and then give him it when we could. We explained that we wouldnt be able to give it to him until atleast November because of the baby and benefits getting sorted etc.

He has been paid all the rent up to date as we get HB. But he has been texting all this week asking for the deposit because he "has a few weddings to go to."

DP has spent all night pacing. He is visibly stressed. Has hardly eaten. He is terrified that we will be illegally evicted again. I have tried to explain that we wont be because we arent behind in rent, and the deposit isnt for the LL to spend anyway so him asking for it is a bit off.

DP keeps asking is there no money to give him, as I look after the budgets, but there isnt. Im not prepared to leave us short and unable to feed DD in order to pay for the LL to get pissed at a wedding. He was told it would be Nov and it will.

Now DP is "going for a drive" and Im worried about him. Its just too much pressure ontop of the baby and the lack of money and the unsuccessful job hunt.

What am I meant to do? How am I meant to calm him down?

OrangeLily Thu 18-Oct-12 00:08:49

Your deposit by law has to be kept by your landlord so he can't be spending or getting pissed anyway!

Thats my point and I keep telling DP that. But he wont listen. He just wont hear reason.

RobynRidingHood Thu 18-Oct-12 00:14:56

There is no deposit. Whole thing sounds shady to me.

What do you mean? I have been there for all conversations and seen all texts. Its not shady.

izzywizzyisbizzy Thu 18-Oct-12 00:28:45

no it doesnt, it only has to be kept in a separate scheme if its a "bond" if its a months rent in advance its his to do with as he sees fit.

Poor DP though, sounds a nightmare.

TheSilverPussycat Thu 18-Oct-12 00:29:11

I presume robyn means there is no deposit because you haven't paid one. A deposit is usually a cash sum deposited before renting, to indemnify damages caused by the tenant. The balance is returned to the tenant when the tenancy ends.

You seem to have more of a gentleman's agreement that you owe him a deposit, the balance of which will be returned when the tenancy ends.

There is some sort of scheme for registering deposits, but don't think it is mandatory. It's to protect both sides.

izzyizin Thu 18-Oct-12 00:29:21

Do you have a signed and legally binding tenancy agreement?

Did you seek legal advice in respect of your illegal eviction from your former home?

No tenancy agreement.

The previous LL has been convicted of threatening behaviour and is due in court next week for defamation of character. We werent at fault. DP knows this. We arent at fault now but he wont listen.

He hasnt went out. Hes having a shower. I think I will just have to repeat it all over and over until he listens.

The LL is actually getting paid more rent than he wanted because of the baby and the rate we got awarded. Plus the house wasnt exactly in a good state when we moved in.

Tbh I dont think it has anything to do with the LL. Hes a decent guy. I think the stress we have been under since august has finally caught up with DP sad

izzyizin Thu 18-Oct-12 00:40:11

I suggest you make it clear to the landlord that on receipt of a tenancy agreement, you will pay the agreed sum as a deposit to be held in accordance with housing law.

Re your previous landlord, does his forthcoming appearance in Court have any bearing on you in that you may expect to receive damages for being illegally evicted?

izzyizin Thu 18-Oct-12 00:47:06

I also suggest you visit with a view to seeking advice with regard to your current situation in respect of not having a tenancy agreement and to ascertain what action you can take in respect of having been illegally evicted from your former home.

Im not sure about the court case really. The solicitor and the police both advised us that we had grounds to persue it but the solicitor has been quite vague about whether we will be awarded damages because slander and defamation are so hard to prove.

We are due a maternity grant and plan to pay the deposit from that. But the rules surrounding that have changed and it kept being allowed and then stopped. So its all up in the air.

Its just coming at us from all angles right now.

izzyizin Thu 18-Oct-12 01:09:36

It seems your rent is being paid by housing benefit. Have you not been asked to provide sight of a tenancy agreement to your local council's hb department?

No. I have never been asked for that in any house I have been in.

Wingedharpy Thu 18-Oct-12 01:12:47

Agree that contact with shelter would be helpful re: no tenancy agreement.
If you have no signed and binding tenancy agreement, how can you ensure that when you have handed over a wad of cash to this landlord, you will be able to retrieve said wad once you decide to leave?
Could it be that Landlord is really just texting as it's mid October and he doesn't want the November deadline slipping and is simply trying to remind you?....
Is Landlord thinking beginning of November for deposit and you are thinking more end of November?
I feel for you and your partner.
What a horrible position to be in.
Hope things get better for you both (and new baby) soon.

From what I can see the LL wants the money this week. November isnt really in his head. We had hoped to have already paid it.

He really is a decent fella, I dont think hes out to get us. The last tenants truely did him over. They stole gas tanks, the fire grate, a tank of oil. They have damaged the house etc and he gave them the deposit back (before he realised what they had done) so Im not worried about his honesty. Its just pressure that DP really could do without!

Thanks for all the advice. Hes calmer now. But I dont think there will be much sleep tonight.

janji Thu 18-Oct-12 02:12:34

Legal issues aside your dh needs to feel supported (as do you) but it can be very difficult to work as a team to ease worries when both are trying to stay strong for the other. My dh sounds very similar to yours and coincidentally took himself off for an hours drive tonight as well (must be a man thing). Open up to him and reassure him that you are a team and that as such you do not expect him to worry for both of you (again a bit if a man thing). I know how hard life can be (ours is pretty much at rock bottom at mo), but both of you worrying on your own isn't helping. You may not have the answers but will feel better if you both can open up and talk about your fears etc. I wish you the very best and send lots of hugs for you and your (soon to be expanding) family.

CrikeyOHare Thu 18-Oct-12 02:42:03

You poor things - you must be frantic.

Regarding having no tenancy agreement - doesn't matter. In cases like this, the law puts one in place for you and assumes a contract in order to protect your rights. Provided you are paying rent, you have a tenancy agreement. If the LL wanted you out,he'd have to give notice & pursue you through the courts.

This isn't likely if he's getting his rent.

I am really, really concerned that no one is suggesting you prosecute your former LL for illegal eviction. Please consider this - tenants get thousands in compensation for this kind of thing. And it sounds like you could use the money with the new baby.

You should contact your new LL & be straight with him. You wish you could pay, but you can't. If he keeps badgering you, he's actually breaking the law. I know you wouldn't point this out to him as you'd like to keep the peace, but it's worth knowing.

He can't have what you don't have - & how he funds his social life is not your problem.

I do hope your DH can get a bit of perspective on this. A trip to CAB for proper advice would help immensely, I think. They may even be able to write to your LL for you, which might shut him up.

CrikeyOHare Thu 18-Oct-12 02:43:19

Shut your LL up, I mean - not your DH.

The LL just knocked on the door. 7.30am!

So its escalated now. I dont get why he thinks thats acceptable. I told DP not to answer. I will phone him myself later.

izzywizzyisbizzy Thu 18-Oct-12 08:04:20

Don't ring him him go to local council housing office and ask them to do it.

Janji, you are absolutely right. DP has the tendency to heap everything onto himself and not tell me to stop me worrying. But I have told him, I can handle it. We are in this together.

Last night he finally calmed down and we had a long talk. Re the illegal eviction, it seems the solicitor is persuing that aswell as the other stuff. But its all hard to prove. We were threatened and we moved. There was no written proof. There was no men at the door or anything.

So its just DPs word against the ex LLs. But after the court cases involving the LL being convicted of threatening behaviour, and then a small claims case which they made against us being thrown out the solicitor thinks we have enough to persue it. Its just going to rest on whether the judge believes he threatened us (the threatening behaviour relates to an incident after we moved).

Its all a mess, Im not explaining it well.

ErikNorseman Thu 18-Oct-12 08:09:28

I understand that you guys were desperate but you may have jumped from the frying pan into the fire. You need a tenancy agreement and your deposit needs to be in an official scheme. Otherwise you are handing over cash with no guarantee of seeing it again, and he could enter the house while you are out, change the locks and leave your stuff on the lawn. If you can't prosecute the ll who evicted you with an agreement in place then you would get nowhere without one.
The fact that your new ll has told you he intends to spend your deposit and thinks it's acceptable to knock at 7am rings alarm bells.

You need to agree a date with the ll on which your tenancy will officially start, and make it clear that you need a tenancy agreement to be signed on that day. Also explicitly state that your deposit must be registered. If he doesn't agree then he's shady and you need to think carefully.

Will do izzy.

Its now a bad feeling here. Great atmosphere to bring a baby into sad

NarcolepsyQueen Thu 18-Oct-12 09:06:32

He HAS to put the deposit into a Government agreed scheme. If he doesn't, he has to pay you the deposit back and also up to double in compensation. It isn't an option for him to spend it! He HAS to give you a copy of which scheme he has used.

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