New boyfriend (first after leaving abusive marriage in Dec last year)....all going well. He is kind, wonderful, gentle, respectful etc etc etc.
I'd been nagging him to get an STI test for a while and we'd been religiously using condoms for the firs few weeks of our relationship. He hasn't had many sexual partners at all, but had had unprotected sex once.
One evening we were a bit drunk and had (really good!) unprotected sex. I got the morning after pill and we said we'd both go and get tested. I have since got tested and all is fine from my end. I have started taking the pill and we have continued to have sex without condoms.
There is of course a small risk he could have something and I want him to get tested to. He - without prompting from me - keeps saying he is going to do it, but keeps forgetting. It is starting to annoy me. I have told him so and he is apologetic and seems motivated to do something about it, but then doesn't. This has been going on for about 2 weeks.
I want to refuse to have sex again until he does it, but that seems childish - I shouldn't have to prompt him. We both take responsibility for being irresponsible (we are both more than old enough to know better) and I don't think I should have to give him a kick up the arse to do it.
What do you all think? I don't want to get cross again - he gets truly contrite and resolves to do it, but he is not doing it quick enough!
Other than this, he is almost perfect - I feel really lucky.
Without being rude, you have already had unprotected sex with him a few times so if he does have something the chances are you will already have it. If you think you are at risk now i would get re-tested.
It's a bit late for him to get tested for your peace of mind if you haven't been using condoms; without wishing to sound too harsh it sounds like he just doesn't want to do it, and is now complacent. All the action can't be on your side - you got tested, you went on the pill - I'd be doubting him at this point.
I don't know really izzy. I know I've been really stupid at am almost more cross at myself for letting it continue. Of course I can't MAKE him do anything so I guess I am simply on here expressing my frustration and anger that he is not taking my (and his own) health seriously.
I don't get how it's 'childish' to not have sex until he gets tested. But as you say, your radar is a bit up the spout re previous relationship. It is not childish to not want sex until he's tested. H'es probably in the 'stuff like that doesn't happen to people like us' camp. NOt good enough.
It's not good enough. I know it's taken me longer than it should but I am angry now - at him as much as me. I'm going to get tested again tomorrow morning and will ask that he is there too. If he's not there then I'll take it that he is not considerate enough to bother continuing seeing. I have already proved to myself I don't NEED to be in a relationship.
And yes, he is a bit 'we're too well educated and middle class and old for this to happen to us', which is utterly ridiculous.
mutny, I suppose that is what I meant by childish....it does seem a bit manipulative! We have now agreed we will both go and get a full screen first thing tomorrow morning and I will be re-thinking the relationship if he for any reason does not come.
Yes I should have refused. Don't know what was wrong with me and, as I said before, am mightily cross at myself.
It's hardly manipulative. You just tell him, bottom line, you regret taking the risks you have taken and are coming off the pill immediately (don't stop mid pack though) and he needs to understand you will be using condoms until you are both all clear. It's not obligatory to go condom free but if he wants to then he knows what to do. Anecdotally speaking it seems common for men to be head in the sand about sexual health. I had a bf once who had never had one until he met me at 32!
I've stopped taking the risks now - but it is of course rather too late! I am trying my best to rectify the situation now by making sure we do not have unprotected sex again and are both tested again, for everything.
I took the risks for so long because I was basically being stupid and giddy and silly - there are no excuses!