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How to get the sparkle and closeness back?? Tips please.

(5 Posts)
buttons99 Wed 17-Oct-12 13:03:48

Any tips on how to get the sparkle and closeness back that my DH and I used to have would be gratefully received.

We have been together for 7 years and both been married before and both have children (all of them living with us permanently) and just seem to bounce from one problem to another with either one of the exes or one of the children. The vast majority of problems come from his side and I am sad to say that it has chipped away at my feelings for him. I know we can be good together and having a house full of teenagers is hard work for every family but just desperately want to get ?us? back. Any ideas?

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 17-Oct-12 13:43:55

Talk about it together. You can't get closeness back single-handed or unilaterally, it has to be a joint effort. To get the affection and intimacy back, it's going to start small with silly things like holding hands when walking in the street. Can the teenagers be trusted to look after themselves and each other for an evening/weekend while you get away and do more as a couple?

buttons99 Wed 17-Oct-12 13:56:13

I think one of the problems is one of the children has sn and despite her age in numbers her behaviour is much younger and very unpredictable so leaving her with the others isn't that easy. Previously we had time out together in an evening as she used to spend some time with her Mum but that has been dwindling down and down over the years to nothing now and so we get no escape from the demands she puts on the family.
I know we should talk more but the things that bother me he just seems to think are trivial and when I do talk to him I end up feeling like I am making a fuss over nothing. Plus my ex was violent and I am very unconfident with confrontation so tend to put up with things or side step issues rather than tackle them as I am scared of the outcome but then I get frustrated.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 17-Oct-12 14:14:48

It's not a good sign in a relationship when concerns aren't taken seriously or someone is keeping quiet rather than tackle a problem. Leads to a lot of unhappiness and that can turn into resentment. I think you have to pick your moment to take this particular bull by the horns, put aside your fear of confrontation and have a proper talk about everything. Over a nice supper, perhaps?

buttons99 Wed 17-Oct-12 17:42:23

I guess I do need to, though I do wonder if I have a hearts and flowers wish that is an unrealistic expectation?? Does it always drop off to a plod through life??

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