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So confused

(8 Posts)
mousseschoice Wed 17-Oct-12 09:25:04

I need so major advise!

I'm 28 and split from 'D'P of 4 years after I found out about his affair in August. I'm maintaining a civil relationship with him for the sake of our DD.

I've been seeing a guy who I work with (hes is 23 btw) for about a month. He knew all about my situation.

The thing is...We've been getting on well, dates, nights in etc and we've both always said we just want to have fun, take things slow and see where it leads.

Now he has said he's not sure he wants a relationship (and after a lot of thought I'm not sure I do at the moment) but he still wants to carry on as we have been. I know he likes me, and I like him. We went out last night, and he gave me a goodnight kiss and we've made plans to see each other again.
He is always the one to text me first thing in a morning, and last at night. We always have a brilliant time together and have lots in common.
We both know where we stand with each other, but why do I have that horrible ache in my chest and feel like the rug has been pulled from under my feet?

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 17-Oct-12 09:37:59

Because 'not sure I want to be in a relationship', especially coming from someone that's so relatively young, means you're just a casual thing. As long as you both accept that it's just a bit of fun, no harm done. But if you were getting your hopes up that it was something more substantial, then you'll feel disappointed.

SorryMyLollipop Wed 17-Oct-12 09:43:22

The first thing/last thing texting is normally done as an indicator to the other person that you are thinking about them at these times of the day. This is generally part of a relationship. He is giving you mixed messages.
You may be seeking confirmation that you are worthy and lovable as you are still emotionally vulnerable after your X's affair. This "arrangement" will probably not give you that and may end up being quite messy for you.

daffydowndilly Wed 17-Oct-12 09:53:17

Give yourself a break, you have only been out of a serious relationship for two months and straight into seeing this guy. You need to give yourself time to heal and to get your confidence back. By all means enjoy his company, but you need to spend time and effort on being really nice to yourself and not relying on a new relationship for your self esteem! I suspect you are feeling the rug has been pulled out, because you are still smarting from the hurt your X inficted on you and this new guy has dented your pride a bit, as well as it is terrifying being single after a long term relationship.

mousseschoice Wed 17-Oct-12 10:32:04

I think i just feel like its yet again another rejection. Im happy to be own my own with DD and life really is picking up. I think i was looking for that "happily ever after", which we all know doesn't exsist.
I'm making lots of time for me and Dd and also a night out with the girls will cheer me up. smile

ErikNorseman Wed 17-Oct-12 11:19:11

You feel bad because you want more than casual sex from this man. Don't sell yourself short, hold out for the whole package if that's what your heart says. Continuing with this man will damage your self esteem.

mousseschoice Wed 17-Oct-12 17:07:27

I think i need to end things...why is life so hard sad

blazingoreos Wed 17-Oct-12 17:15:11

Well, you feel like this because it is a rejection of sorts and you feel disappointed. That's normal to feel this way.

Do you want a 'proper' relationship with him? There is nothing wrong with articulating this. If he wants something more casual he is probably only got to hurt you in the near future. more so than you are now.

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