My husband is a total twunt, isn't he????

[wandymum]

This evening I was supposed to be going out for drinks with the mums from DS's prep-school.

Weeks ago, I sent DH an e-mail asking if he could come home early (for him - about 8pm) so I could go. He replied yes. I wrote it on the calendar (over which we have had many 'Outnubered' style rows in the past).

Today we have had both sets of grandparents here for lunch plus builders starting work and two under 5s to chase around. I forgot to remind him this morning, but left a voicemail and a message with his secretary asking him to call me. I sent a text to his mobile and left a voicemail on it - we were in the car on speaker so kids heard his answerphone kick in too (bizarre detail now but will become relevant).

He didn't turn up. I sent a text saying understand you have a lot on and have forgotten, don't worry have cancelled (had arranged lifts etc... so all slightly awkward but these things happen).

He arrived a couple of hours later in a grump because I hadn't cooked. Very grumpy.

I complained this was unfair given that I hadn't even expected to be in (was actually pretty polite considering). He said I had never told him about my plans.

Showed him my e-mail and his response, calendar and texts.

He says I verbally told him I didn't want to go and that I have the wrong mobile number for him so he never got the messages. I really don't believe I can do because when we called from the car his voice was on the answerphone. DS is 4 so will be able to confirm tomorrow. He doens't deny I left a voicemail on his work phone but says as I didn't say it was urgent, I shouldn't have expected a response.

He is a total arse isn't he?

If not then I must be insane and, despite some close calls in the past few years, I'm pretty sure I am not.

What do I do?

It really wouldn't be a big issue if he'd just say sorry I f**ked up but am freaked out by his insistance it is my fault.

[RandomMess]

Hmmm how is the rest of your relationship, does he actually look after the dc ever?

[Bogeyface]

He didint want you to go out, made sure you couldnt and then tried to gaslight you so you are less likely to try and do it again.

Why?

Because he doesnt want to look after the kids, or he doesnt feel that you have a right to go out if you dont earn money....who knows?

Point is, that you shouldnt take this and should be very bloody pissed off. How would he feel if you said "sorry I am not looking after your kids today because you didnt tell me that you would be at work, and I am too busy"? I wonder......

[HappyHalloweenMotherFucker]

Did you have no other form of communication at all in the intervening weeks since your initial email ?

[remsby]

Git

[waltermittymissus]

He said you have the wrong number?

How is your relationship OP because this sounds very odd and yes, he sounds like a total twunt!

[UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea]

What Bogey said. This would be pretty serious for me, I'd be expecting a huge apology and a 'what can I do to make it better?'

[dequoisagitil]

Surely you could just ring his phone from your phone history, and when it rings it'll prove he's being a lying wanker.

Sounds like gaslighting and very weird behaviour. On his part.

[cronullansw]

What a twunt, total.

Leave the bastard.

Totally unreasonable behaviour on his part.

Either that, or you know........ he simply forgot, busy working and stuff, keeping a roof over the heads. Men are simple creatures and need reminding of things.

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

Yes he is a total twunt.

If you know he is unreliable in this regard, why didn't you book a babysitter? Or ask one of the sets of grandparents to stay?

Not that he shouldn't be capable and willing to actually parent his own children, but you cannot let him dictate what you do.

[Hassled]

He's moved well beyond twuntness and into whole new realms of nastiness. Yes, he's messing with your head and yes, it's quite deliberate. Does he have a history of never being wrong? Does he ever apologise when he fucks up?

[kissyfur]

Yes he definitely is a total twunt! Terrible behaviour. Don't start doubting yourself, you know he should be making it up to you. Hope he apologises!

[Offred]

Yes, he's a massive twunt. What are you going to do?

[dreamingbohemian]

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but all this makes you sound more like his secretary than his wife.

'I understand, you have a lot on, I've cancelled' is something you say to your boss, not your husband when he fucks up.

You have to say things are urgent or else he doesn't have to call you back? WTF?

Unless your husband is David Cameron or Kofi Annan or some kind of planetary superstar, he's being a massive twat and deeply weird.

[hk78]

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting

have much experience with this kind of crap.

[NewNames]

Yep massive dick.

And OP shouldn't have to remind him and chase him up. She's not his bleeding secretary!

[dreamingbohemian]

Oh bollocks to 'men are simple creatures'

As if there aren't 500 gadgets on the market to remind them of things they want to be reminded of.

And again, the OP is not actually his secretary.

[DuelingFanjo]

Yes, ring his phone tonight at 3am and see if it wakes him up.

[NewNames]

hk78 Never heard of that before! Fascinating

[travailtotravel]

Yes he is. It also sounds a bit sinister to me that he is denying it when you have the evidence that he is in the wrong.

I mean, some men can just be arses about admitting they're wrong, but most would at least accept incontrovertible evidence to the contrary.

Please please arrange another night out and do not let him wiggle out of it.

And ideally have to "pop out" on Sunday and spend a few hours reading the paper in a cafe or something.

[remsby]

What other twuntinesses are there?

[seeker]

I know I keep saying this, but people wouldn't have these problems if they only formed adult relationships with other adults. There should be some sort of consanguinity law To make sure that happens.

OP- if things wre exactly as you said, then you are completely in the right, and don't let him tell you different. He will try, take it from me, but he is in the wrong,

[NewNames]

wandy Hope you're ok. It's a bit horrid when everyone on MN says your DH is an arse even when you think he might be.

He deffo has been here. Really rude. Is it a one off?

[storminabuttercup]

You have to email him to get him to come home early?

Jesus!

Yup he's a twat.

I'm that you missed your night out

[itsallinmyhead]

Is this how he normally treats you OP?

I don't want to read & run but would struggle to give you any positive, constructive feedback if this is how your normally treated & spoken to.

All I can say is, that you seem very balanced & I hope you're generally shown & treated with more respect that this thread suggests.

[BrainSurgeon]

he said you have the wrong number for him?! How would that be possible OP, was it a brand new phone or number? Or is there a back story here?

Ah and yes he is a twunt - what do you mean he was grumpy because you didn't cook?!?! Flippin'eck!