Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

It's the 20th anniversary of our marriage tomorrow and I must confess I didn't expect it to be in these circumstances

(12 Posts)
Ormiriathomimus Tue 16-Oct-12 20:20:10

Dh had an affair which I discovered on June 25th. Great timing eh? Happy anniversary orm!

We were planning a big party for this anniversary. Not happening, naturally.

But you know what? I am OK with where we are. We are attempting to reconcile. Things are better than they have been for a while. Because the affair has stripped the cover off an unmade messy bed of a marriage. We are trying to change the sheets - finding a few suspicious looking stains and holes in the sheets - but slowly slowly we are making it better.

I don't know where we will be in a years time. Don't know whether we will still be together. But the best thing of all is that if we aren't, I realise I can cope.

So as it happens, it will be a bloody good anniversary!

panicnotanymore Tue 16-Oct-12 20:57:07

Happy Anniversary Orm! I celebrated my 12th this July in very similar circumstances. Good luck for the coming year... and yes, whatever happens you'll more than cope... you'll be great!!!

Ormiriathomimus Wed 17-Oct-12 12:18:11

Thanks panic. It's funny how this day is more meaningful now that it would have been pre-affair. Painful too, but at least we have been forced to look at our relationship very hard.

MyDonkeysAZombie Wed 17-Oct-12 12:32:26

Happy anniversary, think it's china or porcelain for 20 years, not sure this counts brew anyway, good wishes.

Orm ive been wondering how things are, glad to hear you're happy

Ormiriathomimus Wed 17-Oct-12 12:39:03

Thanks SHRIIIEEEK. Happy isn't quite the word - awakened from sleep and starting to look around me is more like it.

zombie - It's pearl. DH bought me a pearl bracelet.

MyDonkeysAZombie Wed 17-Oct-12 12:45:49

My mistake, your bracelet sounds much more thoughtful than a gravy boat hmm don't ask.

Rednails Wed 17-Oct-12 15:04:29

Happy anniversary. Am sorry to say, Mydonkey is right, it is china.
Pearl is 30.
I made a sampler for my parents pearl wedding anniversary years ago and have always remembered that one in particular.
Still nice to have received such a lovely gift though smile

cronullansw Wed 17-Oct-12 20:10:52

OP, good on you girl, how wonderful to see you and Panic being realistic enough to accept the fact that partners can make errors which do not necessarily mean the cessation of the relationship.

My 20 year ani comes along in 6 months, whereas 9 years ago I was busted after an affair. We worked hard together, saw where each of us had gone wrong (I'm not saying either of you two made any mistakes, I'm saying in our case, we both had) and corrected things, and we are in a very happy place.

A very different MN thread to the ones I normally see smile

panicnotanymore Thu 18-Oct-12 10:10:23

cron I hold my hands up to making mistakes, as did H. We weren't happy, we could have talked, but we didn't.

My 12th anniversary was weird because OW called half way through our evening out, and as H was technically still with her I was fine with him calling her back. We went as friends who had made mistakes but were going to part on good terms. Through his affair we became really good friends again...which is weird, but I guess it was all about talking and clearing the air, and remembering why we liked (I mean liked, not loved) each other.

Orm - I agree, it is more meaningful somehow. I don't think we ever celebrated an anniversary before, but suddenly this year it seemed to matter. For what it is worth I think you guys will make it, as you seem to have your head screwed on and aren't clutching at straws. Equitable relationships survive better than those where the balance of power (so to speak) is skewed.

Good luck for the coming year smile

MadAboutHotChoc Thu 18-Oct-12 11:17:48

Happy anniversary orm smile glad to hear you are doing ok.

<hijack warning>

Cron - I wouldn't exactly call affairs "errors" hmm affairs are devastating and should not be minimised sad

Poledra Thu 18-Oct-12 11:22:28

Happy anniversary for yesterday, Orm. I'm glad to hear you are doing OK.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: