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ds 3.10 just told ex he doesn't love him

(10 Posts)
birthdaypanic Tue 16-Oct-12 17:42:23

Sorry long but don't want to drip feed

Ex sees ds 5 hrs on Sat. this is mutually agreed, a few weeks ago ds started saying fucking, it was said in the right context e.g when angry. I asked ds where he had heard this he said ex. no one else around ds swears so I decided to talk to ex about it who of course denies it.

DS came home this weekend very upset because he had heard ex say the naughty word and because his cousin who ex had taken him to visit had continually called ds a baby.

DS still upset today so I decided to mention it to ex I text him asking about the cousin and mentioned the swearing as usual he denied everything. Ex only likes to communicate through text, however during this "conversation" ds started trying to shout down the phone so ex says let him ring me which I did, there then followed a five minute argument between a grown man and 3 year old Ex continually denying swearing ds insisting he did. Eventually ex said ok if I swear you can tell me of, ds agrees, ex then says see you soon and daddy loves you to which ds shouts I don't love you, ex said that's nice and put phone down.

Part of me is now dreading what ex will do/say next and the other part is secretly glad ds said this, ex is not a nice/good dad.

I did not prompt ds at all.

lalalonglegs Tue 16-Oct-12 18:07:23

I think it's quite normal for small children to say that they don't love someone especially after an argument. I wouldn't read too much into it. He'll keep saying it if he can tell you're pleased.

amillionyears Tue 16-Oct-12 18:07:31

I would leave this go.
I would say to your ds that your ex probably did say it but there is a chance he didnt hear what your ex said properly.

You could remind your ex nicely one time that you do not want him to swear around your son.

birthdaypanic Tue 16-Oct-12 18:17:53

I haven't said anything but ex has just text to ask if ds has calmed down I have just said he's fine now which he is.

Dahlen Tue 16-Oct-12 18:18:06

Your DS undoubtedly didn't mean it when he said "I don't love you" but I'm more shock at a grown man hanging up on a 3 year old. What a twat!

birthdaypanic Tue 16-Oct-12 18:19:06

Yes Dahlen he is.

balotelli Tue 16-Oct-12 18:34:06

My 4 yr DD constantly tells me she doesnt like me............ usually while sitting on my lap cuddling me!!!!!

Dont take it toooo seriously.

Wait til he's 12 and says it. then you have a problem

BertieBotts Tue 16-Oct-12 18:45:51

3 year olds are very in-the-moment, they don't think about longer term consequences. I hope your ex didn't take it personally.

Also I would say probably best in the future to discuss issues with your ex when your son isn't around, as it wasn't great that they ended up arguing on the phone. Not your fault - he shouldn't have engaged with the argument, but maybe best to try and avoid the situation.

Also to address the swearing how about telling DS "You can say whatever Daddy says at his house but in our house that word isn't allowed"?

HissyByName Tue 16-Oct-12 19:11:51

The 3 yo knows his dad is lying. That's why the comment.

Do you have a court ordered agreement? if not, and you feel your child is being compromised by seeing this twat person, YOU can stop it.

If my DS came back swearing at 3 nearly 4, I'd be livid, and that would be that.

janelikesjam Tue 16-Oct-12 19:15:24

Trust your instincts, and I agree with Hissy.

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