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friends: where've they all gone?!

(6 Posts)
HmmmIwonder Mon 15-Oct-12 12:57:59

(Didn't know where else this post would fit in, but it's about friendships not 'relationships' as in men/women/whatever. )Life seems just about work and chores and that's all at the moment. Social life non-existent. How do you get a life at 45 , when all your friends have moved away/ lost touch/ moved on , and you never meet any new people? How do you get out of the rut of never seeing anyone different?If we go out anywhere at weekend, it's just dh and me, which is nice but other people would be good too! He's in same boat. It's so easy to lose touch with people. we dont have any family nearby, and tbh it's too time consuming and expensive to go and visit more than a couple of times a year. They never come to us though we have invited them.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 15-Oct-12 13:07:31

What I did was take the local newspaper and sign up for a community music group smile Have met loads of new people locally and social life has perked up no end.

garlicbutty Mon 15-Oct-12 13:10:08

it's too time consuming and expensive to go and visit more than a couple of times a year - That's a large part of it, actually. Even my filthy rich brother has cut down on visits due to petrol costs.

As to the overall topic - I am TOTALLY THE WRONG PERSON to advise on this, I'm going to start dressing in rags and pushing a trolley full of cats blush shock

But I know what I should be doing. First and foremost, more Skype. It's the closest you can get to a meet-up without leaving your expensively-heated house. More phone calls, little cards and even good old-fashioned letters. Local activities; go to community meetings if there aren't any clubs & stuff you want to join. Utilise the pubs and churches, depending on your interests, and start up small conversations. I'm so boring I keep notes of anything in my life that I could turn into a verbal contribution blush

Wrt travelling to see friends, it's really heavily influenced by family and budget restrictions. When I could afford to travel, I saw it as mainly my job to go to them, as everyone else had armies of children to organise. When you invite people to you, you have to negotiate a date straight away or they think you don't mean it. Some people, you have to the same if you want to visit them.

OK? Going to take my own advice now ... er, perhaps blush

MmBovary Mon 15-Oct-12 13:15:35

I know exectly what you mean. I'm nearly 40 and going through a very similar phase. Friends from my 20's and early 30's have moved away or moved on with life and don't seem that interested in keeping in touch after from the odd "like" on Facebook. Not even an e-mail anymore.

Our circle of friends is becoming narrower and narrower and family are either away or too busy to meet up.

I am a little bit apprehensive about making new good friends now as I'm weary of losing them, as I've lost so many in my life due to various circumstances.

I met some women at baby group some years ago when first DS was born but they also seem to have moved on very quickly. Only keep in touch with one. I think there was a lot of backstabbing there too.

Sorry not to be able to help as what to do next, as I'm not too sure myself. But just to let you know you're not alone in feeling that way.

izzyizin Mon 15-Oct-12 13:15:58

Don't underestimate a naice local of the type that's the hub of the community with a programme of events such as quizzes, darts, music night, etc, often with proceeds to charity, for meeting and making new friends.

If you're fortunate to have one of these hostelries within easy walking/bussing distance, consider yourself blessed as your prayers will be answered.

HmmmIwonder Mon 15-Oct-12 15:31:10

just wanted to say thanks for your replies - I'M so glad it's not just me!!

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