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Relationship with my ex of 20years!

(12 Posts)
Teansympathy Mon 15-Oct-12 12:01:07

How to say this but is it normal to still feel something for my ex of 20 years?, had a child from him, but he was never around and now back on the scene as my child is an adult , feels weird and confusing, am i just being nostalgic?

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 15-Oct-12 12:06:49

Mostly nostalgia I expect. How is your life more generally? Is there a partner? Are you happy? Is he showing some interest and you're finding it flattering? All kinds of reasons why you might find him attractive...

itsallinmyhead Mon 15-Oct-12 12:10:12

If I were in your shoes, I'd tend to think nostalgia was playing a part, as would be the fact you have a child with him but maybe the feelings have always been there?

Does he still hold a torch for you? Are you both single & able to pursue & explore your feelings?

If so, why not?

If not....that's a whole other ball game.

Teansympathy Mon 15-Oct-12 12:10:43

Mmm life is good lots of friends no partner at the moment , he did show alot of interest a year ago it was very full on I did not respond told him I was not interested , as I thought he was just being nostalgic, he ran off had an affair for 6 months , now he has gone back to his wife who he calls his "sister", he was a total pig all those years ago , that is what is confusing me i keep remembering the good times we had early on how he is the father of my child ho hum maybe an age thing , I just feel every time I see him he wants to say something to me but doesnt as our daughter is always about in the house.

HotDAMNlifeisgood Mon 15-Oct-12 12:15:55

He does not sound like a stable and respectful partner to invite back into your life.

Of course it's normal to feel something for an ex, though: you shared a lot, and despite his awfulness, there is a lot of comfort and familiarity with an ex.

Don't mistake that for relationship potential though. As is often said here: an ex is an ex for a reason.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 15-Oct-12 12:16:27

Be careful. He doesn't sound like a very nice person ducking out of your DD's childhood and with the affairs and 'sisterly' wife references. If he is full-on he may think you're a nice bolt-hole until something better comes along.

Teansympathy Mon 15-Oct-12 12:18:54

Yep to true HotDamn he is not reliable and maybe it is because of the history it has just suprised me , a year ago I would not have entertained the thought and for the last 20 years I have not had any contact really , I am and always have been dead straight not had an affair ever and do not intend to start now , suppose these feeling will fade many thanks for your advice and support.

Teansympathy Mon 15-Oct-12 12:29:27

Cognito , your right he is and was not nice very selfish still is my guard is always up as you say he is still looking for an out!, thanks

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 15-Oct-12 12:34:25

BTW... wouldn't be inviting him back to your house any time soon if you want to have that guard up properly. If your DD is an adult, you don't have to be a conduit for contact. Any invitation or hint of friendliness on your part will be twisted good and proper by a man that refers to his wife as a 'sister'.

Teansympathy Mon 15-Oct-12 12:38:39

Yes I had thought of that thanks cognito, give him an inch I feel and he would like to take a mile!, last time I saw him just felt I could not cope with seeing him anymore , so will listen to my gut instinct and your advice thanks and stay well clear of this man, blimey the webs we weave!!.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 15-Oct-12 12:44:45

It's part of the fun of being human smile

Teansympathy Mon 15-Oct-12 12:46:29

mmm you said it! life is never dull well mine anyway thank goodness for Mumsnet.

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