I'm going out with Joey Essex .......

[Oldandindie]

Help me get out of it pretty please! Advice needed ... I started a new relationship three months ago with a lovely sweet but naive man ... He adores me ... Showers me with gifts ... Has helped me decorate my house and landscape my garden ...the sex is good .... He's a lovely caring family loving man ... BUT he's not challenging me mentally ... I'm not the brain of Britain but I do like a conversation that does not revolve around celebs or his childish humour... He recently was shocked by my revalation that there was carrot in carrot cake..he's not worldly wise or as my DM put it ... He's not the full ticket! I planned to tell him over the weekend that it wasn't working for me but he announced that I was the best thing ever to happen to him and that he now knew what love was... It would of been like kicking a puppy if I'd then told him. I am struggling to find the words to let him down gently, any advice would be appreciated.

[JakeBullet]

Can u send him my way please....could do with someone like that.

It's hard when one feels more than the other and I am really not sure what to advise you other than to tell him it just does not feel the same for you as gently as possible.

[Oldandindie]

Jake, I understand that I may come across as bloody ungrateful as an example I left him in my house alone for an hour last week and he cleaned my kitchen to within an inch of its life! I've never had a man who would so much as lift a finger to help, but I'm finding him a little annoying now... I'm practising the old chestnut of its me not you speech... But I know it's going to hurt him !

[Anniegetyourgun]

Oh dear. It sounds as if he'll make somebody a lovely housepet partner, but that somebody is not you. You're going to have to give the speech, of course, and be reasonably blunt with it or he'll think he still has a chance and will start trying even harder, and that really would be cruel. Look at it this way: you're setting him free to find someone who will appreciate his good qualities and maybe even like the things you find negative. Doesn't a nice guy deserve that chance? You won't be able to make him happy long-term because you don't respect him (only don't say that last bit to him, obviously).

[joblot]

I'll have him. And I'm a lesbian. Cold really use a partner who cleans kitchens

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Don't kick the puppy.... just rehome it before you get too attached. "It's not working for me" is as much explanation as you need to give.

[duffedup]

awww bless his heart. agree with the others. do it somewhere where you can beat a speedy exit if he cries, i think he might.

[IvanaHumpalotCountDracula]

Think of him as a doer-upper. All the good bones are there, you just have to work on the swirly carpets and avocado bathroom.

He's your Eliza Doolittle.

[Anniegetyourgun]

But Ivana, this fellow is missing the top storey. Eliza was short on education, not intelligence. And the film ending was wrong; she should absolutely not have married Higgins, he would never respect her because he believed he made her.

And OP, now you know what a helpful fellow looks like, stop settling for idle intellectuals who think they're too good to clean kitchens. Somewhere out there is a man with a brain who is also not above mucking in and helping to run his own household. (I've got some sons who fit that description so I know they exist. Think they may be a bit young for you though.)

[DreamingofSummer]

OP

I was in a similar situation many years ago. I let matters linger so as not to hurt their feelings. If I had my time over again, I'd take the "cruel to be kind" approach and have ended the affaird sooner rather than later.

Please let him down now rather than later.

[Spice17]

I couldn't cope with a Joey Essex type at all, would be constantly screaming into a pillow at the stupid comments.

DH loves talking about politics (and I really don't) but I'm glad he's got something about him, an opinion, and that he likes to have discussions about things even though I sometimes switch off, nod and smile

You seriously have to let him down gently or you'll be Sam Faiers who's not very clever herself (and I'm sure you are, hence why you're struggling) grimacing and pulling away from his gropes!

[IvanaHumpalotCountDracula]

Annie - I'd like to think restricted head height in attic ;-)

Awwhhhh, perhaps he's led a sheltered life. Leave some copies of The Guardian and Private Eye lying around. You never know, his intellectual bud might be on the point of bursting into bloom. Then again...

Won't anybody think of the sex (& the gardening (sex) & the housework (sex) & and the decorating (sex) - swoon).

Joking aside, I don't think one person can 'give' you everything. You have to weigh up whether the lack of stimulating conversation is greater or lesser than the other parts. If so, public place and beat a hasty retreat.

[Oldandindie]

Thanks for all the help and smiles ... I'm realistic enough to know Mr Perfect does not exists and believe me I'm far from perfect ... But I'm gritting my teeth whilst in privacy of home and have got to stage where I avoid being in public places with him. It's like taking another child out ... He giggles at large people , he has no idea how to talk or be civil to waiters ... He prefers me to order...I could go on but feel mean. He is very good at the practical but shows little imagination or flair ... He also lacks social skills that makes me wonder if he's on the AS spectrum ....he asked me about my anti smoking feelings and I starred to pour out my heart about my much beloved GF and his battle with mouth cancer , which took him very quickly and with dignity ( he had been a heavy smoker) ... Half way through Joey announced he could smell pizza cooking ....

[Oldandindie]

Should read without dignity

[MrsjREwing]

Yes every Joey needs a Sam.

You can't be with someone like Joey if you are not a Sam. Lots of repeatibg it is not working for you, you are not suited, he is lovely, just not for you, he should not change, the right girl is out there for him, who will be better suited.

[Heleninahandcart]

Oh dear. You have to do this and soon or he will end up under your patio.

[Oldandindie]

Yes Helen I've had Brookside thoughts....although closely followed by what a good job he would prob do in laying a patio

[snooter]

I think he thinks you're his mum.

I dumped a lovely bloke once because he just didn't get my sense of humour (puns & double entendre) basically because he was not that bright. It gradually wound me up more & more - shame really as he'd probably have been easier to live with than my subsequent husband & the sex was excellent. Ah well.