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no justification, just an excuse!

(9 Posts)
ithastobeNAICEham Sun 14-Oct-12 17:02:59

I posted earlier this week about my mum who has been sending very personal details to my ex, including me going into theatre for my recent c section. I can't link to it as I'm on my phone but it was named "wtf is she thinking?"

She has just left after a rather heated discussion about if this was right or not.

I asked her if she thought this was excusable and what her reasoning was for sending these messages. She sat ther and just said that she can tell "her news" to whom ever she pleases, fair comment but when I pointed out that that piece of info wasn't her news to share she just went off at me,.

In the space of 5 minutes I went from being the 27yo me to being a dumbstruck teen!!

According to her I'm not happy in my relationship (i beg to differ),, I only had my dd to please my dp (wtaf?!?! Yes, I put myself through pain and torment to gave my much planned and very much wanted by us both dd to please dp... Erm no mother!!) And I'm an ungrateful, mean, nasty piece of work. At this point my dp asked her to leave.

I've since sent her a text to tell her not to bother contacting me until she has calmed down and sorted out her attitude (probably never going to happen but one can hope!!)

I'm still fuming that dshe has no regard for my feelings!! My ex has agreed to not respond to her emails etc and has said he will block her on fb.

AgathaFusty Sun 14-Oct-12 17:21:18

That is utterly shit. Great your dp and your ex appear supportive though.

ithastobeNAICEham Sun 14-Oct-12 17:21:22

Pressed send too soon.

I'm inclined to believe him and if I'm wrong ill know when he finds out about us "falling out".

My dp is silently fuming about how she spoke to me and the fact she did it in front of the kids. My older dd (8yo) was upset but has since calmed and has said that her gm is nasty and she wont go to stay until she says sorry to mummy and my dp.

I'm inclined to not respond if she does bloody apologise and just stop contact. Is rather not talk to her. I no longer trust that something said won't go round 50 people who have no reason to know any more!!

ithastobeNAICEham Sun 14-Oct-12 17:23:54

I'm very lucky that dp is being supportive and my ex is willing to do as I ask... Just a shame my mother isn't.

dondon33 Sun 14-Oct-12 18:51:55

She's out of order OP. Take no notice of her rant, it's only because she knows she's been unreasonable and caught out. However, it still doesn't stop you from being pissed off and furious, I would be too.
I would also have issues with trusting her in the future too.
Well done your DP - for getting her out of the door. And also thumbs up to your ex for agreeing to cut contact with her.

Congratulations on the birth of your little one, enjoy this special time with your dd and leave your mum to stew in her own self made juices for a while.
Take care x

YouSmegHead Sun 14-Oct-12 19:45:12

Is she lonely?

ithastobeNAICEham Mon 15-Oct-12 09:36:22

Thanks dondon, it helps to know others would do the same.

Yousmeg, I doubt she is lonely, she has her oh, his 2 boys, my brothers and the rest of the family. Plus her work mates, friends and plenty of other people. She always has someone over. She is the centre of attention in most things!

larrygrylls Mon 15-Oct-12 09:45:37

I am not sure about this one. I do think that if your mother is still friends with your ex, she is entitled to chat about what she likes, and having a C section is hardly embarrassing or personal. Not sure why you would mind so much? On the other hand, it sounds like she was plain rude to you, which is never acceptable. I guess it depends on the history of both you and your ex and you and your mother.

Has your mother always been like this or did you ever anjoy a good relationship? Also, what relationship, if any, do you want with her? I think it is a good idea to stand firm over her being rude and insulting to you and she really needs to apologise before you can forgive her. On the other hand, I think you are being a little precious over your "news".

ithastobeNAICEham Mon 15-Oct-12 11:11:13

Larry, while me and my ex were together, she spent the entire relationship trying to convince me to break up with him. It was only because he was sent to prison (not for anything violent but did get quite a long sentence) that we broke up. He was recently released from prison and my mum has contacted him, despite coming across as hating him.

I agree that her telling him about my c section isn't massive but it is the principle that something I wouldn't tell my ex is being discussed by them. It just seems odd to me.

My relationship with my mum has been strained since I had my dd at 19. I went "against her wishes" to have my dd and that seemed to be the end of me doing anything right! My choices in men, homes, even things such as how I dress myself and my dds seems to be ridiculed. When I was 30odd weeks pg with dd2 my mum stopped talking to me for 3 weeks as I refused to make a 2 hour and 3 bus ride trip to see mygran, I was knackered, anemic and pg ffs!!

I don't know about our future relationship tbh now, I'm seriously evaluating everything.

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