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absence seems one sided

(14 Posts)
lolaflores Sun 14-Oct-12 16:13:28

DH works away every week for at least 2 nights. This job I was promised would not involve travel. It has. This weekend he has been on the family "Boys Weekend" he his father and brother go away and do an event. So he took the car with him too.

This weekend and 2 days during the week with DD2 (5) . Added to which I have very limiting back problems, walking etc are a problem and have told him how difficult I find things at the moment. Which means if the week has been heavy going i cannot walk come friday. Then when he is home he makes time for us all between sessions working on the computer.

I have suggested using Sitters (saw them on another thread) as I have two events this week which I want to go to. I have put them off before as he was working. The other one is a docs appointment in the evening.
Cue arse face.
"I'll go *, come back *!
"Ask your mum to come over "
No ta

I am trying not to be needy but physically I am limited. My disability Then when I suggest I find help myself, I get bum face.
I am fantasising about running away in honesty. Well, hobbling away. Surgery is booked for 7th November. I know I amn't going anywhere.
He just doesn't get it. I feel out of control and some sort of after thought. I get the suspicionm that I may well not be human anymore.

Possibly moaning more than anything else just deeply fed up and have got these ideas of running off. I used to live in the Canary Islands and want to go there, get a job in a resteraunt and live in a little flat with DD2, fuck everyone. obviously not possible with a non working back.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 14-Oct-12 16:52:11

Just to distil the salient points and check they're correct

- DH's job involves 2 nights/week away from home plus additional 'unexpected' travel
- In addition to this he has been on a family weekend away with male relatives... a one-off or does he have other weekend leisure activities?
- You need more help at home because of your injury and are unhappy with the amount of time he spends away either for work or leisure, because you struggle physically.
- You have some events to go to plus a doctor's appointment and when you suggest he should either postpone an activity and take care of the child/ren or book a baby-sitting service he not only won't help but gets annoyed?

If I've got the above right, you're not only being taken for granted you feel like a prisoner in your own home whereas he seems to have a very free & easy existence out and about and doesn't do very much to help. Have you talked to him specifically about how you feel?

lolaflores Sun 14-Oct-12 17:03:55

Did the very mature thing of a total tantrum and tossed all the clean washing around the kitchen and am in bed crying. I told him exactly I feel like a prisoner but he will never know how that feels so...? He is acting hard done by at this moment.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 14-Oct-12 17:13:39

When you're faced with a brick wall, sometimes the only thing you can do is beat your head against it. smile I think you're a couple that could benefit from some relationship counselling, if for no other reason than it would give you chance to talk constructively and take some of the high emotion & resentment out of the situation. I'd even go so far as to threaten him that, if he doesn't make some time in his diary to do this, that you really will be off to the Canaries and all the rest.... line in the sand time.

lolaflores Sun 14-Oct-12 17:31:49

I am so tired. Ask, don't ask, this that and everything else. All is ok as long as he is getting his way. Call him o. It then I get mr. Put upon, it's like fighting fog. If I say I will go, he says he will take dd. as I am not able to look after her. When it fucking suits. I know it's shit but he does love to fight dirty. I am physically trapped. I can get to the end of the road at a push.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 14-Oct-12 18:12:17

You seem desperate. Do you have any family or friends that could come and stay with you? Anyone in RL that you can talk to about this? A man that threatens to take away your DD rather than discuss marital problems doesn't sound worth fighting for tbh. Have you ever talked to a solicitor about divorce?

lolaflores Sun 14-Oct-12 18:43:52

Honestly, I feel less inclined to say it out loud. I know that he wouldn't,t get custody just assumes he will. I have friends, but what the fuck. It's all shit really

amillionyears Sun 14-Oct-12 19:51:48

Do you still love him
Do you think he loves you
Is he normally this unreasonable

amillionyears Sun 14-Oct-12 19:53:01

Actually another question.
If you were to move in with eg your mother, what would he likely say and do.

lolaflores Mon 15-Oct-12 07:18:31

UPDATE: I calmed down long enough to talk. to explain how fucking shit I felt, like a nuisance, a piece of baggage that got under everyones feet. He admits he has no idea how I feel, was inconsiderate and felt bad which was why he went cats bum on me.

izzyizin Mon 15-Oct-12 08:39:08

He knows how you feel now. What's he going to do about it?

QuintessentialShadows Mon 15-Oct-12 08:49:18

Ignore his cats bums arse face. He ignores you and your problems.

Get sitters in. He is an arse. Arse arse arse.

I dont blame you for running away.

But not to the Canary Islands! Have you checked the latest unemployment figures? Even the Red Cross is starting to mobilize to get emergency food rations out to people there. The economic crisis has hit the island really hard. People cant even afford school books for their children. The schools have stopped giving kids scrapbooks and pencils and learning materials. My nieces boyfriend lost his job as a waiter in a popular tourist hotspot because they had to cut costs, less tourists can afford spending the winter there, due to the situation in Europe in general.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 15-Oct-12 09:21:37

Glad you were able to get your point across finally. Judge the outcome on the actions rather than the words, however. Good luck

lolaflores Mon 15-Oct-12 10:15:58

I love
Arse arse arse
Stupendous
He has cancelled work away this week, is coming to docs appointment with me. I fear the writers thing on thursday may have to be shelved as I don't think i can physically get there.
Like I said, he admits it is too difficult for him to imagine being physically trapped, but when he gives me puppy dog eyes, I can still photoship cats bum on it. so, side stepped that little stroke.
he picked up the washing though, it wasn't meant to humilate him, but I didn't want to smash the crystal. i also threw my handbag, in his general direction but hit the ironing board. the frustration is killing me

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