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Friends sister he must have broken her leg

(9 Posts)
Putthecatdown Sun 14-Oct-12 05:35:01

Help and wise words needed. My friend has just been told by her nephew that her sister is being battered. Putting it all together just now with me it appears that the broken leg she suffered a couple of months back must have been him. Her niece moving out when she was 15 was all to do with boyfriend and violence. The bloke is very controlling and it has all fell into place the distancing etc My friend is seeing the sister tomorrow the sister isnt at the right place to leave yet. I dont think. I have said that my friend should tell her to leave and come home with her now. If that doesn't work to buy her a cheap pay as you go phone and hide it somewhere so she can ring if in trouble. She is now on her own as nephew is at uni and is petrified his mum will be badly hurt or killed. Thinking about it as the friend sister is the one who earns the money he probably won't kill her as then his nice life style will disappear. Anyway should sister ring police. What do we do to get her out and safe. I feel completely helpless friend is petrified for her sister. Bloke is bodybuilder steroid head as well. So massive and scary.

cupcake78 Sun 14-Oct-12 05:52:09

Ok firstly the fact you know is brilliant. A few things you need to consider. She needs to leave the relationship, you can't do it for her! And the time a women leaves a violent/abusive relationship is the most dangerous for her.

Talk to her about it, tell her you can and will help her and lead her to professional help to get out. Women's aid, domestic abuse services etc, you'll need to do some research of what's about in your area. Your/her gp maybe a good place to start.

He needs to not know what is happening. She needs to get her documents together, passports, drivers licence etc and if she can get some savings underway. The post for these things should be sent to another address, no phone calls to her house etc.

She may need to build up to the escape and in the mean time the best thing you can do is stay in contact with her daily if possible and tell her she can do it, is worth more and that she has done nothing wrong.

Putthecatdown Sun 14-Oct-12 06:05:20

Do we ring the police? Or do we leave that to her. Sister hasn't told friend it was the nephew. She has a window of opportunity tomorrow as I think he won't be at this meeting. Jesus I can't imagine going back to that hell. Friend also needs to mend bridges with niece as whole family disapproval when she dropped out of school to move in with boyfriend at 15. Middle class family all legal, doctors etc. so it was expected she would follow the well worn path to uni etc. the poor kids they must have been petrified.

Putthecatdown Sun 14-Oct-12 06:10:47

This going to sound callous now but I'm knackered, I've been up all night talking about it. I need some sleep so I can function tomorrow. Any help full suggestions or questions will be gratefully received and acknowledged tomorrow.

dondon33 Sun 14-Oct-12 06:11:11

Tell your friend NOT to involve the Police at the moment, if her sister is not ready to leave,doesn't want to or is too terrified then it could make matters much worse for her. It's a shit situation, knowing what's happening but feeling helpless.

She could tell her DS what her own son said, so she becomes aware that her sis knows and wants to help, support, assist in escape or just be there to talk to.

The phone is a great idea - so long as she can safely hide it from him.

Tell your friend to get clued up about - your friend could even call them to get all the info needed if her sister can't face it - if she decided to leave then the police can help her to leave safely if she tells them he's violent.

She could tell her sis to come on here and read about others in similar situations, she doesn't have to post (just remember to delete history if she does in case he finds out) There's masses of advice and many threads from inspirational ladies who've been in the same place.

he probably won't kill her
They don't always mean to.
The longer she stays with him the more she's at risk. The fucking arsehole abusers often get braver and more confident when they keep getting away with it. It especially sounds dangerous that he's taking steroids.

Putthecatdown Sun 14-Oct-12 06:13:27

Thanks cupcake friend will be glad to be aware of the added danger. E will tread lightly

cupcake78 Sun 14-Oct-12 06:15:57

It's up to you about the police. Personally I'd wait and see what she wants to do. The problem with calling the police in is he will know and be questioned about it and she may suffer because of it.

The police will raise his suspicion level and increase her danger. If she's ever in fear of her life then yes she should call them but its not for you to decide. Remember the police will not be able to keep him away from her all day everyday yet! In most cases he will be asked to leave the house for 24hrs and then he's free to return.

The agencies/professional help are the way to go with one, they have links to specific police departments who will help her discretely. I've heard too many stories of police turning up at houses not realising the full extent of the violence and the women has been hurt/murdered as a result!

Putthecatdown Sun 14-Oct-12 06:18:03

Ooh bollocks about the police. That was our plan will have to text her to say don't do it. Scarey shit. It's weird as they are such a highflying family.

Putthecatdown Sun 14-Oct-12 21:01:43

Thanks for the advice. We haven't rang the police. Friend saw her sister the sister is thinking things are better now the 2children have left the house. He doesnt get so angry. It's awful . I am so scared for her. I want to drive to her house and snatch her from him. Thanks again for helping

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