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Feeling Guilty

(6 Posts)
cookiemonster100 Sat 13-Oct-12 21:58:14

Hi,
Background: parents have been married 30 plus yrs however dad is a serial shagger. The past 7 yrs he has been caught 3 times ( and I am pretty sure there has been more plus long term affair when we were kids)
Every time he gets caught, folks argue, one throws the other out/ say they are leaving, then decide to stay together. They throw everyone's world upside down then go back to normal like nothing happened. I truly believe mum believes his promises and he has the best of intentions. Plus she does everything for him ( cook/ clean/ ironing etc etc) so he has it cushty.

Anyhow he got busted again this week. In between comforting mum I had a good chat with dad and told him he can't keep treating her like this. I said there are 2 options 1) stay together and get some help 2) leave and let each other get on with their lives. I said sweeping it under the carpet again is not a option as I can see that both of them are deeply unhappy. Tonight he confessed to me he does want to leave and will tell her so in a few weeks ( family wedding next weekend and he doesn't want to upset this time). I feel guilty as I think this is going to be a massive shock for mum and I feel I have led him into this. I do think it's for the best as he has no respect for, I don't think he loves her however I think she feels its better to be with him than no one. However I feel guilty that I am am ripping the family apart. She is going to be so upset.
I can't shake this feeling of guilt off. Sorry for the long post I needed to get it of my chest.
CM

JustFabulous Sat 13-Oct-12 22:01:09

You are not ripping the family apart, he is, and don't you dare let him blame you if he decides to try the "she told me too" card.

cookiemonster100 Sat 13-Oct-12 22:07:13

He won't blame me, mum might as she might feel I put the idea in his head. She genuinely thinks he will change.
I have a sister who knows v little about the situation and she will be upset too.
I just wish it could be different sad

JustFabulous Sat 13-Oct-12 22:16:32

I was thinking your mother might blame you too but she has to realise that he is the one that has cheated on her for years and it is his fault the marriage is dead, not yours. You had just had enough of seeing her treated like an idiot.

SomethingOnce Sun 14-Oct-12 01:58:17

After the dust settles she might end up thanking you.

All this nonsense must have made her very unhappy over the years, and an end to it might come as quite a relief.

cookiemonster100 Sun 14-Oct-12 23:18:52

Hey all,

Thanks for your kind messages and support last night.
Think mum has come to the conclusion she is better off without him she just needs to find a place and security of her own. I asked her quite frankly what she wants so I hope she is not telling me what I want hear but what she wants. Mum is one of those people in life who likes to please people but not necessarily what she wants. I will just have to watch closely.
Thanks again
CM

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