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What would you do?

(16 Posts)
AlmostPerfect Sat 13-Oct-12 20:40:36

I've only posted on here a couple of times a while ago, about my alcoholic DP. Most people told me to walk away but i chose to stay. Anyway, he went to detox and was off the drink for a total of 7 weeks straight before it began to creep back up again. He has always been controlling and paranoid, although its only the last month or so I have begun to see it. Long story short I finally snapped after a heated row a few weeks ago where I was accused of hiding my mobile phone ( it had falled under the sofa cushion ) which escalated to me being thrown accross the room and having my head smacked of the wall. I changed the locks the next day after DP left for work and let him know he was no longer welcome.
Two weeks later i found out i was pregnant. An no, I am not a silly girl, I cannot take the pill so we used condoms, one broke, I got the morning after pill the same day obviously it didnt work.
I decided we should try again, we were going to have a child together. I refused to let him move back in with me but saw him everyday. I have been a little moody with him lately so decided to let him know i was sorry for it and that i appreciate all he's been doing to help me, its the hormones ect.
Then last night i got a phone call because i hadnt text him back... he had had a drink ( one he says ) and was getting shouty on the phone so i put the phone down sent him a message saying i didnt want to speak to him while he had been drinking and went to bed. A little while later my door knocked, i got out of bed an answered it, it was him, he barged into my house an upstairs searching for 'whoever i had up there' because it had taken a while for me to answer the door. Then refused to leave until i listened to him ( drunk and shouty ) told me if i told him to leave again he'd make me get rid of 'that' ( pointing at my tummy ) I tried to get into my room and lock the door just to put a barrier between us but he wedge it so i couldn't. He did finally leave.

Abortion is not an option for me, what would you do? Try an stick it out with this man or chose to become a single mother?

CrikeyOHare Sat 13-Oct-12 20:44:26

Being a single mother is hard - I know, I've never been anything else. But I can imagine that it's far, far harder to bring up a child with a violent arsehole like that.

You and your baby deserve better. Much, much better.

Good luck - and congratulations smile

Mum2Fergus Sat 13-Oct-12 20:46:11

The answer is clear surely. Get this 'man' out of you and babas lives...

Nagoo Sat 13-Oct-12 20:48:04

Single mother.

You want this loose cannon in your house with a baby?

no no no no no no no.


You can do this.

RandomMess Sat 13-Oct-12 20:48:08

I would end with it him.

I would also not want to be tied to him via a child so I would move far far away as soon as I could and disappear tbh. Would you want him looking after a baby or child of yours when he had contact?

AlmostPerfect Sat 13-Oct-12 20:49:57

Thank you, thats probably the first congratulations I've had!
I already have a 5 year old DS, who's father is fantastic, i just didnt think I'd end up alone again, its also going to be alot harder as exDP is not the quiet type who will make it easy to move on

Nici177 Sat 13-Oct-12 20:50:35

Be a single mother, without a shadow of a doubt. This man is very bad news and you need to keep yourself safe, for yours and the baby's sake. Tell him you won't be seeing him anymore, as his behaviour is just not acceptable, with or without the drink. It will be hard but ultimately it's got to be better than living in fear.

Good luck and congratulations on the baby.

RobynRidingHood Sat 13-Oct-12 20:52:04

You do not need that grief in your life.

AlmostPerfect Sat 13-Oct-12 20:52:12

RandonMess I have thought about up and leaving, but my DS has all his family here, his school and friends an I have my job. Everything just feels like such a mess right now. I dont want him any where near this child, I have seen how he 'parents' his 11 year old an I dont like it.

AlmostPerfect Sat 13-Oct-12 20:54:03

And thank you all for replying, it feels alot better seeing what you have said, helps me to remind myself that I am not over reacting like he says smile

Shakey1500 Sat 13-Oct-12 20:56:06

There is no way on earth I would stay with this man. Under any circumstances.

No-one can say you haven't given it your best shot. But he's reverted to type after only 7weeks AND become violent, abusive and threatening. This clearly tells you he puts himself first. Therefore cannot be there for anyone, let alone the mother of his child.

Time to call it a day, safe in the knowledge you tried your very best. You do deserve better and you will cope. All the very best and many congratulations thanks

RandomMess Sat 13-Oct-12 20:56:17

Oh dear, didn't realise that you already had a ds so have a big tie to the area.

I would speak to womens aid for advice on how to keep him out of the baby's life as he is an alcholic and violent sad

Yes, speak to WA.

You arent married so when you register the birth dont put his name on the BC. You couldnt without him there anyway. That way he will have to take you to court to see the child.

Next time he tries to get in to your house phone the police and keep doing that. Get everything logged with them. It will help your case for keeping him away from your baby.

You can do this alone. You have already shown how strong you are by leaving him. You have done the right thing.


100mph Sat 13-Oct-12 22:41:06

You sound like deep down you know which road you want to take OP. The awareness you mentioned you've developed over the last few weeks suggests you're here to check what you've decided. When I thought about your question about what to do - the image that crept into my mind is a little DS/DD following you around in a few years or watching from the corner of the room while you suffer the kinds of experience you mentioned in your opening post. If you think, given your experience to date that it's a probability, I guess it gives you your answer. Whatever you decide I hope you get good advice about how to protect yourself and your baby.

100mph Sat 13-Oct-12 22:48:22

sorry, forgot to say congratulations and very, very best wishes for a healthy, safe and peaceful pregnancy and delivery (well latter isn't generally so peaceful I guess but you know what I mean .. (-;

cestlavielife Sun 14-Oct-12 21:28:12

No brainier isn't it ? Keep this man away from you and baby and when it is born then supervised contact only.

He has now got nine months to stay away from you but if he wants to then turn his life around. So he can be a good father .

Don't let him near you get injunctions whatever is needed now.

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