MN seems to be full of people making posts that say "ABUSE!" I start getting Monty python type images in my head. I digress...
Abusive behaviour is often caused by something, and by that I mean people do it as a means to an end. As another poster said, her OH was depressed, therefore trying to assign blame because he was trying to rationalise the cause of his feelings. Some abusers shout and throw things because they feel unheard or feel like they are losing control. I'm not at all justifying these behaviours, but pointing out they are a means to an end. You mentioned he is stressed out a lot, when you talk to him about this what does he say? Does he admit he is stressed and struggling to cope? He might sense he is losing the plot and is unable to admit this, so is directing the blame on you.
In terms of other options, you could try another time to get him to see how you feel. Tell him you need to have a serious chat and schedule it in at an agreed time. I'd then keep this conversation non- accusatory, ask him openly how he currently views the relationship. If he doesn't take the bait, I'd describe how you want the relationship to be, and be honest about your feelings. Hopefully that would lead to a discussion about how to work on making it better together.
If you are going ahead with ending the relationship I'd do as others suggested and make plans first before telling him. It sounds like it will be messy. Good ideas to tell family, definitely move your mortgage payment at least to another account. Having someone nearby would be helpful if you think he will be violent (violence includes throwing things).