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do you think you have let yourself go?

(40 Posts)
howelsabout Fri 12-Oct-12 21:00:50

i was just reading another thread and this answer kept popping up!

this was one of the reasons why me and exdp split he kept saying i let myself go after having dcs (i don't think i look that bad only gone up one dress size)

so do you or your dp/dh think you have?

SoleSource Sat 13-Oct-12 00:51:39

I haven't ever had a look to let myselfgo from. I have always been fat and unpretty.

Inneedofbrandy Sat 13-Oct-12 00:57:36

I do tbh after a while I don't bother shaving my legs and making an effort. I also get annoyed at everything and stop making an effort to talk/laugh and spend time which is worse then going up a dress size or forgetting to shave my legs.

Dryjuice25 Sat 13-Oct-12 00:59:33

Dp thinks so......I went from size 6 pre3-babies to size 12!
I think i'm alright and can even do the school run without makeup which is a massive deal for me

MamaGeekChic Sat 13-Oct-12 00:59:45

I definitely have, but so has he. I often think about recifying the situation but to be honest I'm just too tired.

IllageVidiot Sat 13-Oct-12 01:08:53

SoleSource - No, no, no and no again. Seriously. Pretty is a meaningless and transient object - you are a good and beautiful person.
I am overweight, sometimes I still get outbreaks of spots that make me feel like my face is cracking but I'm happy with myself. Being fat and not being Hollywood pretty doesn't mean I'm not beautiful and being attractive is great due to it's breadth of meaning for individual people. For example Daniel Craig makes me sick in my mouth a bit - but he's 'pretty'. Swings and roundabouts innit?!

I don't really know what letting yourself go means - I have come to the conclusion what it really means is 'you are not dropping everything the second I think about it to suck my dick. I am also unhappy that you didn't want to get into that corset and suspender set and do your hair and make up how I like when I came in late, and you always do everything the children want'. I would be interested to hear what the thoughts are of women that have said it to men?

I don't know if it is just gaining weight or not caring about personal hygeine or clean clothes etc or just a change from dressing to impress and always 'being on' at the start of the relationship. Is it 'letting yourself go' or is it not being interested and receptive all the time to the other person? I don't really know, I can't say I've actually come across it irl.

showtunesgirl Sat 13-Oct-12 01:16:01

OP, your ex was using it as an excuse. If he truly loved you for you, no way would your ex have split up with you over such a trivial thing as one dress size.

At the mo, I would say that my body is a mess. I am now back to pre-preg weight but my mid section very much bears the scars of an EMCS with slow recovery and having inflated to 4 foot round at full term which is no mean feat considering I am only 5 foot tall!

However, DH still loves my body like he used to and if he doesn't he's doing a bloody good job of pretending!

Lueji Sat 13-Oct-12 01:23:20

I've let myself go lots of places. smile

Your ex seems very shallow and is probably just making up an excuse.

Rockchick1984 Sat 13-Oct-12 11:13:32

I've completely let myself go since having DS. I'm now 2 dress sizes bigger than pre pregnancy, hardly ever get round to dyeing my hair so my roots are a mess, can't afford to replace my clothes so make do with a mixture of jeans which are now too big (bought shortly after giving birth) and pre pregnancy tops which are too small. Can't be bothered wearing heels any more, as they just aren't practical enough for my new life as a SAHM.

Does it bother DH? Not in the slightest, he still tells me he loves me, I'm beautiful etc. He encourages me when I tell him I want to diet - not because he's bothered but because he knows I'm unhappy in my own skin at the moment. I don't think your ex split up with you because of this, if you love someone it's not just for how they look or dress.

SackGirl Sat 13-Oct-12 11:22:12

I have only just had a baby and am 2 and a half stone heavier than I want to be (starting weight watchers next week with a friend) last time I did weight watchers I lost 3 stone in 2 and a half months so am pretty confident I can do it again... Other than my weight I haven't let myself go, I still shave my legs as I cant stand stubble lol. I still wear make up and make an effort in what I wear, not for my partner, but because I feel grubby otherwise. I don't feel like its the start of the day without make up on. I put it on even if i'm just at home with my son for the day

SackGirl Sat 13-Oct-12 11:23:31

my partner has never stopped saying nice things about me... so he isn't driving me to lose weight as he has piled on the pounds recently too lol - He has ago at me if I dare say anything bad about myself

mercury7 Sat 13-Oct-12 12:18:34

let yourself go is a pretty loose phrase which could mean anything..I look after number one these days..very very strict about putting my own needs firstgrin anyone else can go hang

of course it usually refers to letting yourself get fat, which i havent, but i would if it suited me to do so!

Squitten Sat 13-Oct-12 12:21:41

Well, DH is the same scruffbag he ever was smile

I'm the thinnest I've ever been (thank you BF!) and that has made me more condfident with clothes, etc, so I think I look better than before. But I'm still basically lazy when it comes to looking after myself so I still look a wreck most of the time!

mercury7 Sat 13-Oct-12 12:43:19

are we talking supeficial things like grooming..or more fundamental things relating to taking care of your health.
I mean, i dont shave my legs much but im very very careful with my diet..dont drink or smoke, exercise lots, get plenty of sleep

SackGirl Sat 13-Oct-12 12:45:30

BF'ing hasnt worked for me so far, altho my LO is only 9 weeks on Tuesday- weight watchers on thursday so hopefully that will get me on track!!

BarbaraMillicentRoberts Sat 13-Oct-12 12:50:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SugariceAndScary Sat 13-Oct-12 12:53:53

I've tried not to let myself go but my 44 year old body is desperate to be let go of! grin.

Middle age spread happens and unless you have a will of steel and iron discipline we all will go up a dress size because of nature.

Our priorities change when we have kids don't they, or they should. I still try to wear flattering clothes, nice make up and keep my hair half decent but the figure is losing the will to stay toned, I have embraced my muffin top!

OP, how do you feel about yourself? You are well shot of your ex if he said that to you. Git.

Adviceinscotland Sat 13-Oct-12 12:54:35

I have always been big but try and make a effort in other ways.

Wash hair every day (short so have to though) always wear make up and even though I am in no way fashionable I try and look smart, would not go out in tracksuit and trainers.

I don't shave as much as I should blush but will have a laugh with dh about it and it does not stop me wanting to have sex with him or anything.

purplehouse Sat 13-Oct-12 12:56:02

Op, your x was making up an excuse. That's all there it to it really.

Bonsoir Sat 13-Oct-12 12:58:32

No. Nor has DP. Neither of us either wants to be or wants to live with a fat lazy slob smile

MrsWolowitz Sat 13-Oct-12 13:07:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bbface Sat 13-Oct-12 13:15:55

Absolutely not. My mother didn't either, my goodness she was glamourous and had three children.

I want to look my best for my DH. He returns this evening after a week away with work, and I have been planning my day to incorporate hair wash, shaving, style hair, make up, what to wear. And I have a 2 yr old boy and I am 21 weeks pregnant, and alone in a new area so no one to assist with child care.

Every evening, without fail, whilst ds in the bath, I brush my teeth, powder nose, brush hair, spritz perfume and put a bit of lip balm on. So I feel nice for when dh arrives home.

I used to be gym obsessed, but I am now lax with the gym, but i am prepregnancy a size 6 to 8 and I am 5 ft 7, so I kind of think... Where is the incentive (health, I guess, but I feel pretty decent on that score. Imwould like to tone up a bit though). I have hair cut and coloured regularly and, when I can afford it, I will treat myself to a facial. Dh and I try to go out alone once a month, if I have time, I will squeeze in a mani and pedi. I have a Hollywood wax every 4 weeks maximum, and dye my lashes and eyebrows waxed regularly.

It is no hardship whatsoever. I enjoy it. And it actually takes up very very little time.

Dh looks after himself too, never applies any pressure on me whatsoever, but I want to. He is the man I love and fancy, so I want to be my best for him. Added to which, I feel so rotten when I slob around.

We are only 6 years together, so might change, but I strongly doubt it.

Namechangeyetagain Sat 13-Oct-12 13:26:27


I am three sizes bigger than when I first met my DH, however I have had some serious health problems and had a child. I am now pregnant with my second.

I used to make a real effort, but my DH admitted he likes me in casual clothes look au natural so I don't bother wearing half as much make up as I used to.

I can't wear heels due to damaged joints and I can't bear anything to clingy as it hurts my body.

I do pick an outfit, blow dry my hair and wear light makeup each day, I shave and get my hair trimmed when I can, although not today as I have a stinking cold, I am still in my pjs, unwashed, in bed with a runny nose.

DH says he loves me whatever smile

panicnotanymore Sat 13-Oct-12 13:32:30

I had, definitely, but it wasn't without reason. We bought a house we couldn't really afford, so I never had any money. I couldn't treat myself to haircuts, colours, or clothes. I worked hard looking after quite a few acres of land, and dogs, so everything I wore was covered in mud, grass, and dog hair, and the skin on my hands and face was ruined. I hated looking a mess, I hated having to wear clothes that didn't quite fit, but were only £1 in the charity shop, I hated that the only shoes I ever wore were wellies. (Prior to our move to the falling down house from hell I had had a good career in the city, wore lovely clothes, had my hair cut every 4 weeks, and had a great collection of 3 inch heels). I never got fat, but I did get thin.... which believe me is worse. A larger lady can look beautiful in a tailored jacket. A gaunt one looks like a bag of bones in everything!!!!

Things are financially better for us now, so I have smart, flattering (but country suitable) clothes. I've found a hair salon in the village that makes my hair look nice at a reasonable cost, I have help with the land so no longer look like worzel gummidge.... and I feel a million times better.

Looking good has always been for me, to make me feel happy, never for anyone else. My H likes me to look good but doesn't comment if I don't. He has a lot of faults, but that is one thing about him that I appreciate grin

CuriousMama Sat 13-Oct-12 13:35:14

bbface have you always been this well groomed? You sound so happy with your dh, almost blissful? Must be nice for you both smile

I make sure I'm looking good when I go out either with friends or dp? He thinks I look fantastic at all times though hmm I used to do modelling years ago and sometimes look at my old porfollio and think who is she? grin But tbh I wouldn't want to be that thin again, I had tiny tits wink

In the village where we now live it's normal to look casual, to say the least. Which in a way is nice. I used to live in a town that had a mix of people, some mega glam and others in the middle to untidy. I never judged any, if people have the time and patience to be done up all the time then good for them. If people want to be untidy so what?

If your mind is healthy that's the most important thing. I had panic disorder and have had meds for it which I'm off now - just - and realise that as long as my mind is healthy, I'm a good person and I have lots to do then that's good for me. And it runs over into my relationships too. If I was lonely and bored then I wouldn't be much fun to be around whether wearing flossys or not wink

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