I once read in a book that Love is only as big as is a sacrifice we are willing to make for it (sorry this is a translation and maybe not a good one but I hope you understand me). I often think about this and wonder. How much is my DH willing to sacrifice for me? Do you think your husband loves you the way he should. Does he care about you, your problems, your aches and pains, your feelings, your needs? Is he willing to make sacrifice for you, what sort, how much?
I don't think that's a good description of love. It's not a sacrifice. That suggests you give things up for love, whereas you gain things.
I feel loved. DH is kind, complimentary, trustworthy. Loads of things he does or doesn't do might make someone else feel unloved but that's not how I react to them. Things I do (constantly forgetting our anniversary) could make some people feel unloved but he knows I love him.
Of course, there have been huge sacrifices along the way. I made some colossal ones for him and he has for me. But they've come because we are a unit, a pair, so we discuss things and decide things which sometimes fall in one person's favour and sometimes in the other's. It balances out.
If I began checking against a list of things DH did or didn't do to make me feel loved, I'd actually wonder how much i loved him, not vice versa. If it came to a tallying, I'd be concerned I wasn't fulfilling my own life or needs and was looking to him to bolster me, which isn't a good sign.
Yes, I know my DP loves me and I love him. We make decisions for us as a couple and for our family to the best of our abilities and we truly want everyone to be happy. And we just love being on our own together without the DCs...
My husband adores me - I could not be more loved. Having come from a shitty violent broken home and watched a hideously nasty divorce I am still stunned that I have found this. Every decision he makes centres around how it will protect/help/please me.
I genuinely worry that if something ever happened to my DH I know that no-one else could love me as much as he loves me.
Yes, my DH loves me. He loves me when I am grumpy, tired and difficult to love. He isn't perfect and sometimes drives me mad but I've always known that I (and now our DS even more than me) come first for him.
I have never met anyone who thinks love and relationships are so simple. I'm all about "Will we last? Is this forever? Can relationships really survive a lifetime? Whereas DH looks at me like I'm mental and says "Yes, we'll work it out. We love each other. We're a family."
It's a very seductive mindset for a pessimist like me.
Same as Shy, I wasn''t thin enough, pretty enough, young enough, tidy enough - I divorced him. I remember telling him once if I was permanently disfigured/disabled in an accident I knew he wouldn't hang around- no question in my mind. I had a skiing accident a few years ago and was brought home by air ambulance - he thought I was being melodramatic!
Yes. I have never doubted it in 15 years. He goes out of his way to do little things to make me happy, is always supportive and puts up with all my foibles. He also hates animals and is surrounded by the buggers
I don't feel loved properly, though DH does say that he loves me on the very few occasions when I ask him/try to talk about what's happening to our relationship
I think DH likes me more now I've lost 4 stone (still doesn't want to have sex with me but luckily I've lost the weight for myself this time)
Also, I have OCD, which to be fair is bloody annoying for him to live with. When I'm bad with it, it always really annoys him and he's a constant ball of simmering resentment. I'm not too bad at the moment, and he seems to appreciate this as I'm "making an effort" to get better, but if I have a relapse I know things'll get bad again.
He doesn't want to spend time with me doing stuff alone together and rebuilding our relationship, though we've had a lot of opportunity recently, because he thinks it's too much like hard work with the OCD.
I see glimmers now and again of how things used to be, and I know he comes from a very disfunctional background and finds intimacy hard - most of the time I can coexist OK with him - we get on alright in a housemate kind of a way and we co-parent well - but I do feel sad when I read threads like this.
I wish he loved me unconditionally - but we can't control how people feel about us - and to be honest I've started building more and more conditions on my love for him as I feel it ebbing away
Sometimes I wish I could walk away, but deep down because I took my vows seriously I really want to make it work but don't know how (we are stone broke and cannot afford counselling - have done Relate in the past and the counsellor was about as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike...)
I think our Relate counsellor was a bit overawed by my DH (DH realised this too and played on it a bit). By the end the sessions all turned into DH ranting about my OCD for the hour and it all being my fault, taking no accountability for his part in what was going wrong. It was not a positive experience