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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

when you have finally escaped an abusive relationship...

(85 Posts)
cheesestrung Fri 12-Oct-12 18:25:55

how do you move on? how do you get past what he has said to you, the threats, the put downs followed by the begging, the sorry, I love you, i always will blah blah

How do you move on, trust again? not live in fear.

I am finally out, but feel weird as he has gone but the "threat" hasn't iyswim

anyone felt like this before?

He admitted that his ex wife and person he lived with before said EXACTLY the same as what I have and he'll probably do it again :-( psychologically F***s you up

cheesestrung Sat 20-Oct-12 16:30:56

I feel like i want to escape too, sounds like you are finally free. My mum lives close so it feels wrong, like i have a sense of duty to see her, even though she doesnt add anything to my life, she has the opposite effect, apart from the occasional childcare. I feel a pressure on me when i know she is home and cant relax in my own house...
im day 8, and am thinking about HIM, feeling puzzled as to why he would be so awful, why he would put me under so much pressure? i lost my sense of self :-(
no contact though so done well there.. the adrenaline is dying down.. no idea how to get my confidence back though..

HissyByName Sun 21-Oct-12 10:55:07

When you realise that you're safe, your confidence will return, bit by bit.

Don't worry about ehy he did what he did, that way madness lies! smile you'll never know, and even if you ask him, he'll either lie, or most likely he won't ever know himself. That is HIS problem now.

By ending it, you only need focus on yourself.

Have you read 'why does he do that'?

If not, pleaser read it ASAP, then you'll see what I'm talking about! smile

HissyByName Sun 21-Oct-12 10:56:54

Everything you are feeling is what we ALL felt btw. Remember that? We all got through this, and so will you!

Sunnywithachanceofshowers Sun 21-Oct-12 12:59:42

Hi cheese, I agree with what Hissy said. You will get through this smile

cheesestrung Sun 21-Oct-12 20:51:31

thank you. struggling with something different on top of escaping abusive relationship. my exh has a new partner.. everything seems too much sometimes :-(

HissyByName Sun 21-Oct-12 21:20:51

Which tells you that life goes on!

Do the work on you, get yourself match fit, and you too will get there.

Your time will come love, have faith!

cheesestrung Sun 21-Oct-12 21:25:13

my son told me he loves her more than me.. he has met her twice... i just feel out of control of my life..
i dont have faith, the only way i feel i will have my time is if i move away, from the family home, from my family and from exh and exp

HissyByName Sun 21-Oct-12 22:49:36

If that is what you need to do, you'll be able to do it. But no sudden moves now, eh?

You know your son's words are untrue, she's not his mummy. Seek out the real truth here. Stop. Think. Work this out in your mind.

Sunnywithachanceofshowers Mon 22-Oct-12 11:44:21

Big hugs, cheese. It sounds like your son is testing you and the timing is bloody awful! She's new and shiny and a bit 'Disney' at the moment, it will pass.

susiedaisy Mon 22-Oct-12 15:02:48

Cheese don't worry about your son saying things like that, they all do it, why I don't know but they do, maybe fear insecurity anger boredom alsorts of emotions, my youngest dc keeps telling me that no one likes me and I'm sad, this usually happens after he has come back from visiting his dad and new girlfriend, I realise its just his way of dealing with things and to a child it may look like his dad has landed on his feet, new GF, new house, fancy holidays etc etc but I don't let it bother me anymore although to begin with it hurt like buggary! I usually respond with 'that's ok if you feel like that but I still love you' and of course leave the way open for little chats whenever dc need to. We have good days and shit days but overall life's alot better! HTH

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