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bit of advice, moving on from DV

(2 Posts)
drypond Fri 12-Oct-12 10:29:57

i was in a long term relationship with DV, he never beat me but everything else, the emotional abuse and sexual abuse as really affected me the most.

its now 2 and a half years down the line since i split with him, rarely see the ex now (we have a ds together) and i have met someone. there is zero signs of any abuse in him, lovely guy really, i've fallen pregnant, not planned but we are now happy enough about the situation only thing is i seem to lack the ability to trust him, it sounds stupid really because he hasn't really given me reason to not trust him, but he will say something and im thinking is it a lie or the truth he does know snippets from my past but its really affecting me which he doesnt know, i cant relax in bed although its ok and im happy im really tense.

i just want things to work but i feel i've stuffed up big time getting with anyone even though he is nice i still have unresolved issues, do i tell him? i've thought many times of asking for help but the words never come out, my closest friends only know he was controlling none of the sexual stuff or violence or sicklittle things he did

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 12-Oct-12 10:42:19

The way I see it, if you're now in a loving, equal partnership with a caring, considerate person, you are quite at liberty to explain to them that you have trouble trusting people. If they have this knowledge, a decent person who loves you will make a special effort to allow for your insecurity and will avoid situations that could be ambiguous or cause you anxiety. They should not see it as a personal attack, more an appeal for help.

Imagine if you were scared of heights. If you don't tell your partner, you can end up being taken on a surprise trip to the London Eye and having a panic attack. This is basically the same thing.

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