Advice on how to stay calm?? Split

[lobsterclaw]

He has become more and more controlling over the past few years, at the moment he is being awful after we agreed to split. At first he was crying and clingy but now he's changed.

I complained about it tonight (the controlling) and he slapped me in the face and kicked me, not enough to leave bruises so I can't go to anyone.

We have 2 weeks left of this and I have asked someone to come and stay tomorrow, any ideas how to get through this? He keeps saying it's my 'mental health issues', I was depressed after a death a few months ago. I am so fed up of him saying this, of course I was depressed as I loved them and he wouldn't let me talk about it (didn't even come to the funeral)

[Apty]

He sounds awful.

Even if you have no bruises, he's still assaulted you - could you call womensaid and ask for some advice? You could speak the the police and have him removed from your home.

Do you have children?

[Apty]

And of course you'd be justified in getting out if he's physically attacking you, you don't need bruises for it to be too awful to put up with.

[MisForMumNotMaid]

try this

You don't have to stay. It is domestic violence even though this time you're not horrifically marked the mental torture is another form of abuse.

Look after yourself.

Why two weeks? Could you stay elsewhere for those weeks?

[lobsterclaw]

No, no children. I never felt comfortable enough in the relationship to try. He'd be fine if I don't 'antagonise' him, I hate him saying that I have mental health issues though because I was upset, he uses it as a lever.

Thanks for your response. I'll have someone here to stay as from tomorrow for a few days.

[Apty]

Has he been violent before? Do you feel safe being there with him? Trust your instincts and don't stay if you're at all scared. He shouldn't be hitting and kicking you.
Glad you have a plan and are getting out.

[lobsterclaw]

Thanks Apty - the whole thing which devastates me is that I've lashed back a couple of times. I know this sounds crazy but I feel a huge amount of guilt about this and that I 'deserve' what happens. I didn't tonight.

I'll be out soon though and start to rebuild my life, but I do feel a huge sense of injustice that apparently I'm the one with the 'mental problems' when I've been on tenterhooks for the past few years and he caused that.

[Apty]

I absolutely know what you mean. When you're under so much pressure and suffering emotional abuse, which is what this sounds like, then of course you're going to be anxious and stressed. He's the cause though, and when you're out of this you'll feel better. Don't worry about what he thinks or what he says, just concentrate on yourself.

You never deserve it, it's not right, even if you lash out in defence, it doesn't make it ok for him to assault you, ever.