Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

SHIT ! Just had an argument with my friend's DH.......now what do I do ?

(21 Posts)
recall Thu 11-Oct-12 14:37:43

Started off just chatting in their kitchen after school drop off. I remarked that it was ironic that The farming Industry is suffering as a result of climate change, yet Intensive Farming is responsible for a third of global warming....

He disagreed, and said we were all collectively responsible for it, I said yes, true, but Farming is still responsible for a third of it.

My friend was awkwardly sitting on the fence and trying to make coffees, while we hammered it out. He said that I was wrong and talking shit/bollocks, and I asked him why he had the authority on who was right or wrong, could my opinion just be different to his.....blah blah.

Eventually he asked to be left alone to eat his breakfast, so I calmly walked out. My friend came out and asked me to come back in, I said, nah, let him eat it in peace, she said she would pop round later.

I dunno what to do now....should I apologise, or just wait and test the water ?

Any ideas ??

UnChartered Thu 11-Oct-12 14:39:30

agree that you disagree and move on?

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 11-Oct-12 14:39:43

Walk away without a backward glance. You're two adults, you had a disagreement, no biggie. I can see why she'd feel embarrassed but your argument isn't with her. Act normally. smile

Doha Thu 11-Oct-12 14:42:31

My DH and friend do this ALL the time. They both have extremely polar views on politics/religion etc. It can be very ackward at times.
However everyone is entitled to their own opinion ( except with me anad DH where he is only entitled to my opinionsmile) and they are both adultds. At the end of the day they just agree to disagree

ClippedPhoenix Thu 11-Oct-12 14:46:52

Just leave it and let it blow over, but maybe say "Ooops, sorry, that got a bit heated didn't it" to friend.

Dahlen Thu 11-Oct-12 14:53:22

I'd second moving on and glossing over it with good grace so that your friendship with his DW can continue, but TBH he sounds like a twat. People who resort to name calling or say "you're talking shit" instead of providing a cogent argument as to why you're wrong, are intellectually lazy and twattish.

Dahlen Thu 11-Oct-12 14:55:07

You offered to agree to disagree when you said why couldn't "could my opinion just be different to his.."

You have done nothing to apologise for, so I'd just let it drop and act as if nothing has happened next time you see them.

recall Thu 11-Oct-12 15:06:57

Thanks, I feel a bit better now. I have heard him shout several times, at his teenage daughter, and I get the impression that his opinions ( and he has many ) usually go unchallenged. We have had little jokey arguments in the past, I usually end up taking a feminist stance, and he usually defends men and fathers. I usually back down by turning it into humour/banter, but this time I stood my ground. I noticed that he kept coming back with different issues that were only loosely related to my point, like moving the goal posts. Although I find it very uncomfortable, I occasionally see red when I hear men spouting at people who seem afraid to disagree. I am crap at arguing, and being able to analyse it later, I just feel all wobbly and a bit tearful.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 11-Oct-12 15:11:15

Maybe when you next see your friend you'll have struck a nerve. All her fence-sitting, coffee-making and ruffled feather-smoothing may be the way she copes with Big Chief Grumpy Bastard on a day to day basis.

BessieMcBean Thu 11-Oct-12 15:26:58

Sorry, I have to respond in defence of the grumpy bastard!

Surely we all eat food so we are all to blame for that third of global warming! It's like blaming the oil companies for the burning of fossil fuels when it is us that burns it.

<<Dives for cover before being lambasted for side tracking OP>>
<<And for starting argument on global warming>>

Lueji Thu 11-Oct-12 17:06:41

Aren't you both right?

We are all collectively responsible, as we eat meat and products from intense farming, as well as heat and cool our homes, drive cars, use synthetic products, etc.
Within all that, 1/3 of the effect (not sure "responsibility" would be appropriate) is due to intensive farming, of which we are all, ultimately, collectively responsible.

Such disagreements happen. It's not a real fight, is it?

NotGeoffVader Thu 11-Oct-12 17:11:11

Many factors contribute - intensive farming is one. But the problem is it isn't a case of Intensive farming does X, and burning fossil fuels does Y and together they equate to Z. The effects of one thing impact another, so the problem can be escalated by consumerism, urbanisation, increasing infrastructure, food production...

Therefore you are both wrong, and must stand in opposite corners. I am right and must be brought a cup of tea. But don't boil the kettle - just use the hot air generated by politics to heat it. smile

Lueji Thu 11-Oct-12 17:17:39

In fact, the main culprit is the huge number of people on the planet.

hmm

recall Thu 11-Oct-12 17:24:45

Well, in an adrenalin fuelled blind scrabbling knee wobbly panic i said

"As consumers, we are all responsible for the 30%, but its the farmers who are capitalising on it"

Dunno where that came from....

recall Thu 11-Oct-12 17:25:39

Bluff city...?

DorsetKnob Thu 11-Oct-12 17:27:25

Absolutely all the farmers who are selling up every week and going out of buisness.

recall Thu 11-Oct-12 17:29:52

Anyway, I sent a casual hmm text to mi mate and said "you ok ? still coming round ?"

and she replied "Im ok, are you ? DH said he is sorry 4 swearing at u. i was going to come round tomorrow morning if thats ok, DH working till 6 xx smile "

I said "HA ! no need for an apology, i was just as bad, tell DH I'm sorry for spoiling his breakfast, see you tomorrow x"

Flojo1979 Thu 11-Oct-12 17:34:44

Tbh I would hold my tongue in future, especially about things that aren't that important. Your friend could have ended up stuck in the middle then falling out with her DH after u left. Unless u know they r rock solid I'd be careful.

BessieMcBean Thu 11-Oct-12 20:23:18

Great

wine Peace reigns wine

UnChartered Thu 11-Oct-12 20:27:52

well done on being a grown up grin

have a wine from me too

recall Thu 11-Oct-12 23:11:00

alls well that ends well wine clink....cheers

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now