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i want to leave my partner but have a child

(10 Posts)
heartachelady Thu 11-Oct-12 13:07:09

hello im new here and have alot on my mind. ive been together with my partner neally 5 years and have a 3 year old daughter. when we first got together it was great for a few months, i found out i was pregnant, lost my job and had to move in with my parents. he started getting possesive. we got a flat together shortly after and the vilolance started. anyway i lost my baby boy at 31 weeks which was heartbreaking. 3 weeks after i got pregnant again, the vilolance was still there aswell as nasty words and things being thrown. i wanted to leave but he kept saying if i did he would have my baby took off me. i stayed of cause and went on to have a healthy girl whos now 3. just over a year ago i got him arrested for violance and he wasent aloud back at our home. i took him back as i do love him but not happy he went on a anger management cause to get himself sorted.
he hasent touched me since but hes so possesive. he rings me twice a day from work and wants to know if ive heard or spoke to anyone. what ive been doing.
he dont allow me to take my daughter down to my mums as they dont want him round there for what hes done in the past to me.
i dont see any of my friends if i do he wants to no what weve spoke about and says i dont know why you bother with them as they never come to see you.
he dont allow me to go out with friends clubbing he never says no but just says id be out sleeping around so i decide to just stay in ( he goes out though).
now hes checking social network sites if ive been on them and seen that im on myspace but that was before i got with him and dont use social network sites anymore because he dont want me on then incase my ex partner is on there.

sorry if ive bored you with this but i need advice as i want to move house as he wont go but its his temper it might come back

Bossybritches22 Thu 11-Oct-12 13:10:05

Bless you lots of good help here. You have taken a huge step in making that choice. Would your mum put you up while you get sorted?

Ring Woman's Aid they will help you too just get it a soon as you can.

ChooChooLaverne Thu 11-Oct-12 13:11:42

It doesn't sound like his temper has gone away, he's just finding different ways of controlling you. It is still domestic abuse and you can get help.

Phone Women's Aid - they will help you.

CMOTDibbler Thu 11-Oct-12 13:12:04

Phone womens aid and they will help you get out of this abusive relationship . You can go to a secure refuge to start with, then move on from there.
You, and your lo deserve better in life than living in fear.

heartachelady Thu 11-Oct-12 13:14:43

the only thing i dont want is to take my daughter from him as he loves her to pieces and shes a daddys girl and allways wants him

CMOTDibbler Thu 11-Oct-12 13:18:26

He'll still be able to see her if you leave - things can be set up to keep you safe and allow contact.
Do you want her to grow up thinking that the way he treats you is normal ?

heartachelady Thu 11-Oct-12 13:21:31

no of cause not but he dont let things lie and will get me back somehow

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 11-Oct-12 13:26:49

You have to protect your child from this man. She's only 3. She doesn't know he's a criminal yet but she'll realise the first time he slaps her around the face for getting on his nerves. Please don't let that happen to her. You must protect her from danger.

Do call that Womens Aid number urgently. There is legal protection for victims of domestic violence, you can get court orders to exclude him from where you live and alert the police if you think you're in danger.

mentlejen Thu 11-Oct-12 13:35:18

A refuge is somewhere he can't get back at you or know where you are and you can organise contact for him and your daughter with help.

At the moment he's cutting you off from everyone else- he's making it more hassle than it's worth for you to see your family and friends. That way you rely on him, have no support outside and have no one to tell you that his behaviour is not ok at all.

This is a classic abuse pattern and it'll only get worse with time. He sees you as his possession, not a person to be loved and respected. He'll also leave you feeling that there's no way out of being with him.

There is. It'll be hard at first, but worth it a hundred times over in the long run. Gather your strength and have the respect for yourself to get out . You're worth so much more than this- keep telling yourself that and show your daughter what you're both worth. Give her the gift of growing up with a strong sense of her worth, modelled by you.

And MN can be here to hold your hand. Hugs.

ChooChooLaverne Thu 11-Oct-12 13:50:54

He's not as powerful as he thinks he is - you can get away from him safely and keep him away. There are laws to protect you from people like this.

Talk to Women's Aid and see what they say. If you can't get through on the main number, you can look up your local branch and try phoning them instead.

Here is the checklist to see if you are being abused. (You are)

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