Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Birthday Snub!!!!!

(17 Posts)
Dryjuice25 Thu 11-Oct-12 11:52:08

"You are my life, lets try again...." and then "what a slug/whore/bad mother" in the next breath. Had a showdown last weekend where the latter statement was said followed by profuse apologies.

Separated but get hounded with messages like that, spends hours in my houses begging for another go. What a fool I am to let him in?

Today is my birthday but not even a text. Together dysfunctionally for 8 years.

WTF!!!! Trivial I know but I thought he'd send a text at least. Anyway, I don't even like the guy ( EA)but still.......I'm being unreasonable to expect goodwill from someone I dislike ain't I?

Rant over.

Happy Birthday to me.

BlueberryHill Thu 11-Oct-12 11:57:43

Happy Birthday, go out and treat yourself, your happiness is your responsibility, don't let him have a hand in it.

It sounds as though you are still hooked on him, he is pulling the strings emotionally and you are jumping.

Dahlen Thu 11-Oct-12 11:59:01

I can see why he's your X. Cut him out completely and it will be a lot better than waiting for him to send 'nice' messages that never arrive.

Dryjuice25 Thu 11-Oct-12 12:41:42

Blue- that's interesting but I thought emotionally, I checked out years ago. Was hoping to be civil with each other for our beloved 3dcs sake thats all.

If he won't even say happy birthday why does he say he wants to try again?

Dahlen-Difficult as he comes to see dc3 who is 12 weeks and breastfed. Don't know what to do for the best. Tired of being considerate

BlueberryHill Thu 11-Oct-12 16:02:04

Dryjuice, if you don't want to try again, why should it bother you?

It sounds very harsh written like that, I don't mean to be harsh but if it was over for you, I don't think you would be giving it a thought beyond, silly sod, hasn't even said 'Happy Birthday'.

Doha Thu 11-Oct-12 16:31:13

No advice but
Happy birthday

Dryjuice25 Thu 11-Oct-12 21:53:50

Thank you all. Had a lovely day and I thoroughly spoiled myself.

He eventually turned up with a few expensive presents and I then felt really bad but also angry that he spent money that I know he doesn't have (as if it's going to make everything ok). I'd rather I had a text msg that costs 10p than a generous amount of money spent on me. He is hardly generous normally and I dont know why he is doing this now. Too little too late. I don't think that a nice gift makes up for prior abusive behaviour and he knows this.

Now I want to take one of the presents back and give him the money. WWYD?

Offred Thu 11-Oct-12 21:58:26

I would not show any kind of emotional reaction to his existence. Accept the presents with thanks and just ignore him. If you cant ignore him, speak only in response to him and politely and do not share anything at all about your life or feelings. He's starved you of attention then turned up with massive presents to get an emotional reaction I bet.

Dryjuice25 Thu 11-Oct-12 22:12:04

Offred- I know what you mean. I have accepted his gifts with gratitude and he looked quite pleased with himself. Now I think he thinks everything is fine when it's definitely not. I agree he was looking for an emotional reaction by the way he presented them to me. I really wish he hadn't

dequoisagitil Thu 11-Oct-12 22:13:08

Stop getting sucked in. If you don't want the presents, don't accept them in the first place, don't act semi-Lady Bountiful by taking one back and giving him his money back. If he's broke, it's on his own head. Give them all back for him to get his own refunds, or keep them all and he'll think he has a foot back in the door.

If you mean it that you've split, you shouldn't accept presents from him. You're giving out mixed messages by taking them.

CrikeyOHare Thu 11-Oct-12 22:18:39

Is the relationship over for you or not?

If yes - it's time to cut all contact, surely. Change your number if necessary. Communicate ONLY with regard to contact with the baby & don't waver from that.

And I don't think you should have accepted the presents either.

OP - reading between the lines, I don't think it's really over for you at all, is it?

Dryjuice25 Thu 11-Oct-12 22:28:06

dequoisagitil- You are right but its only things like chocolates, fine wine and flowers to be honest and the one particularly item I want to return does cost a bit of money hence this decision.

I should never have accepted them I know but the kids were there and couldn't humiliate him in front of them. Now I feel like shit...

Dryjuice25 Thu 11-Oct-12 22:33:56

Crikey- It's definitely over for me. If it wasn't for the kids we wouldn't be together. It's hard to get rid of him as the kids love him so much and he wants to bond with dc3.

I should never have accepted the presents I know.

Offred Thu 11-Oct-12 22:40:28

Not gratitude, thanks as in "thanks" <dry>

Dryjuice25 Thu 11-Oct-12 22:42:02

I expected a card only which is what I got him for his birthday. I expected him to do the same or just a text. Christ....what a awful mess.

CrikeyOHare Thu 11-Oct-12 22:56:06

Were the presents from him or from the kids (that he bought)? Or both. Because, in fairness to you, you could hardly refuse them if they were, at least partly, from the children. And I can see why you had to take them if the little ones were in the room. So, don't beat yourself up about that - no need to feel shit.

But, yes, it does sound a mess. Time for you to really put your foot down. The wonderful ladies on these threads are very, very, very good about reinforcing the "detach, detach, detach" rule when a relationship is over. Because, it seems to me, that that's what you need to do now.

Sort out times of contact for the children and talk to him about absolutely nothing else. Don't respond to texts on any other subject.

It's over. Good luck. Enjoy the rest of your life smile

Dryjuice25 Fri 12-Oct-12 00:29:29

Thanks Crikey- The kids did help him chose some of the presents and I couldn't be "unreasonable" by chucking them in his face under the circumstances.

I know I need to detach but this will probably become easier when I stop breastfeeding. I was even considering going legal so he doesn't come into my house as he regards the separation as a joke but then from what Ican see, this will not help but just make things ugly. Gosh, I don't even make sense.
He is not the easiest of people to deal with and right now I feel like i'm in a strait jacket

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now