Before I start I want to qualify this as saying that I am currently suffering from anxiety so probably not seeing the wood for the trees. To cut a long story short, I separated from alcoholic exH in January this year. I found myself a full-time, went back to work and have been alone with the two DCs ever since. ExH lives with his parents. He has continued to drink and so he has only had access to the DCs under supervision from his parents.
The inlaws and I have a fairly difficult relationship. Their son's drinking caused problems between us as they blamed me for a lot of if and don't see that it was his drinking that caused our marriage split - they maintain that it was partly my fault too.
They have offered me support but it comes at a price - they turn up as and when they want to "do jobs" which I have not asked for. I feel like my house is not my own. They criticise me and recently exFIL told me off for not looking after my DCs because I asked DS to put on his own seatbelt. I feel like their offer of support comes with the attitude that I am not capable of looking after my children.
My ex told me last week that he would take me to court for the children and now I feel like I cannot trust them to provide support. I understand that they should continue to have a relationship with their grandparents but I feel like it might come at too high a price.
I feel totally ground down by it all. My GP has prescribed ADs and I have been off sick this week. All I can do is sleep when the DCs are at school. My ex MIL has just left, and we have argued. I told her that I found it difficult to trust her motives given what my ex has said. She refuses to get FIL to apologise for the comment he made to me. She wants us all to sit down together to discuss but I cannot bring myself to sit, just me, in a room with three people who dislike me.
All I want is to be left alone to get on with my life without them in it. I am happy for my children to see them but I don't want a relationship with them of any kind. I don't want her standing in my kitchen or making decisions about when my lawn needs cutting.
Just so I can't be accused of drip feeding later, I should add that I once came home from holidays (pre split) to find they'd painted my living room a different colour. Of course when I challenged this she said they were only trying to help. Which of course, is what she says to me now.
I do need back up for childcare and if she is willing to do that then great. But I don't want or need them walking into my house and deciding to do stuff. I find it incredibly intrusive and stressful.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Moving on - ex inlaws and ExH
Llareggub · 11/10/2012 10:44
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