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What's an emotional affair and where would be the crossover?

(9 Posts)
whenthemusicsover Wed 10-Oct-12 14:45:05

I'm asking as there's someone that I've spoken to on Twitter for a long time who recently became a friend on FB. There's nothing remotely dodgy gone on, we just chat about stuff, like you do on Twitter.

I've been having a bit of a rough time of late with DH and this person has offered to lend an ear by phone if needs be.

Now - should I be wary of this? I know that there's nothing in it, from my side. But I guess I might not be really impressed if DH used Twitter and then started talking to people in real life.

Am I reading too much into this? Or not enough?

LouMacca Wed 10-Oct-12 14:49:49

I take it that your DH doesn't know about these chats? I would say that is the crossover. Is this just somebody you have met on-line? Do you actually know them in RL?

Pagwatch Wed 10-Oct-12 14:51:56

The crossover for me is when you are talking about things, or behaving in a way which you would not if your partner was in the room.

As soon as your behaviour is something which you would conceal from your partner in terms of its content or manner then you have got into tricky territory.

So yes. His encouraging you to confide in him about your husband would seem to me to be a way to increase the intimacy within his relationship with you whilst excluding your DH.

It's pretty obvious tbh.

whenthemusicsover Wed 10-Oct-12 14:55:12

No, don't know this person in real life. Also haven't taken up the offer, I might add! DH thinks all social networking is bollocks so he doesn't really pay much attention to what I do on them.

I don't really talk to him about anything exciting but he does check in with me quite often to see how my day is going, that kind of thing...

whenthemusicsover Wed 10-Oct-12 14:57:24

I also don't fancy this person or see that anything would ever happen, IYSWIM, it's platonic as far as I'm concerned, we just seem to get on. (On Twitter, which I know isn't real life!) Is it possible for it to stray into an EA if you don't feel like that about them?

Looksgoodingravy Wed 10-Oct-12 15:09:36

You need to sit and talk to your dh rather than this online person, your energy is being used 'chatting' to this person. As others have said if you wouldn't want your dh to see your 'chats' on screen then it's probably crossed over into something more.

whenthemusicsover Wed 10-Oct-12 15:32:13

You're probably right, gravy. There's nothing in the chats themselves that is dodgy, but I think if it then changed into real life conversations that's a bit dicey; it felt like the step from Twitter to FB was a bit personal.

MOSagain Wed 10-Oct-12 15:50:20

well if YOU wouldn't want your DH doing it. There is your answer.

Opentooffers Wed 10-Oct-12 16:49:22

If he has offered to "lend an ear " about the rough times you are having with your DH this means that you are already discussing inappropriate topics about your relationship with him that your DH would most likely not be happy about so the line is already crossed. I doubt this man has counselling qualifications, better to talk to someone who will help if there are problems. This could create more issues than it solves. Though I do acknowledge that you have not done anything seriously wrong as yet, it's not a healthy 'friendship'.

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