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He's obsessed with sex...

(417 Posts)
Littleblue Wed 10-Oct-12 11:27:22

We have been dating six months , and they have largely been the happiest ever for me , except for his obsession with sex.... he takes it as rejection if I turn him down , and mostly manages to get over it.... but I turned him down last night , I was tired and stressed and not in the mood , (and his expectation is a huge turn off anyway)We were snuggled up , and he kept groping me which I was fending off but gently , to me it should be clear by then?! so he turns my face to his and insists on proper tongue snogging , which I had been evading... I HATE snogging if i'm not in the mood for sex.. I'm not frigid , when were both in the right mood the sex is incredible....he seems to think that because thats the case , we should ALWAYS be at it... so pissed off ,he turned his back on me last night, he's clearly sulking today...angry

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 10-Oct-12 11:32:23

A man who pressurises a partner for sex despite being told 'no thanks' and then sulks when he doesn't get it is inconsiderate, selfish and has a very nasty streak into the bargain. Some might say it even qualifies as sexual abuse. I wouldn't stick around...

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 10-Oct-12 11:34:00

Reassessment on second reading ... the 'tongue snogging' and 'groping' are sexual abuse when you've made it clear you don't want either. He's a horrible person. Ditch

wannabedomesticgoddess Wed 10-Oct-12 11:35:37

Agree with cogito.

He probably sees sex as his right. Its a red flag and honestly, I think you should seriously consider your future with this man. He is groping you when he knows you dont want him to. How long before he goes further?

Littleblue Wed 10-Oct-12 11:36:42

I hate being grabbed and groped all the time... it should be obvious , I didnt actually say no...the fact that he treats me very considerately in every other way doesnt give him free rein or rights over my body... intimacy doesnt have to be penetrative to be loving... I knew we were gonna get hung up on this again soon , and thats part of my resistance tbh...even when were not having sex , he talks about it alot... which is subtle pressure too!!

susiedaisy Wed 10-Oct-12 11:38:03

My exH used to do this and he also wouldn't take no for an answer as time progressed, it was awful and in the end it was one of the (many) reasons we divorced,
I would have a proper discussion with him and see if he is capable of handling things differently, if not I personally wouldn't stick around!

Littleblue Wed 10-Oct-12 11:39:19

I was in a DV situation for years , left five years ago.... I have major problems with depression and can't see clearly right now.. its normal not to want your breasts squeezed randomly in the middle of the day isnt it??

Littleblue Wed 10-Oct-12 11:40:47

We talked about alot of things when we went thru wobbly patches a couple of months in... all to do with his sense of rejection etc... clearly we are there again now sad

OneHandFlapping Wed 10-Oct-12 11:42:16

ABsolutely normal. You have a right to go about your day without someone grabbing at the intimate parts of your body. I would hate it too.

mrsfuzzy Wed 10-Oct-12 11:42:20

its great that he clearly fancies you so much, but it can get tiring especially if you are human like the rest of us and not a blow up doll, you say you are happy with your relationship, is that in every respect or is he 'smothering in other ways? could be he is needy and wants the constant reassurance that he is the one you want to be with, if so that is abit worrying. sex does feature heavily in new relationships but it shouldn't be the be all and end all. i think that you should take time to tell him, away form the bedroom, that yes, he is amazing in bed, but you don,t always feel like sex when your tired, and that his pawing you isn't helping, if he is insisting on kissing you and you don't want to that is assault for a start, he sounds insecure but that doesn't mean you put up with it, sulking is plain daft and best ignored, he just makes himself miserable don't let him drag you down too.

Littleblue Wed 10-Oct-12 11:52:32

I find it HUGELY irritating... we dont live together , but we spend our weekends together , and its OBVIOUS I don't want to be fondled every five bloody minutes.. I'm in my forties , with four kids , and a busy stressfull life... we had a wild night saturday , which he keeps talking about , and he clearly expected seconds sunday morning... I however was exhausted and hungover , just wanted to fester for as long as possible with coffee... ykwim .
Yes he can be too intense in other ways , but I stepped on that... told him after DV I will not tolerate obsessive behaviour in any way shape or form , and that that was about him , not me....He's been better on other levels since , but his tendency to obsess over the time we spent together and come up with some narcissistic poor me outcome split us up for a few weeks mid relationship... He said he wouldn't put me thru any more bullshit like that and that he had behaved like a cretin...

wannabedomesticgoddess Wed 10-Oct-12 11:55:52

Its already starting.

Please end this now. You need a kind man who isnt insecure and needy.

Helpyourself Wed 10-Oct-12 11:59:23

God, it's exhausting just reading about it.
Why bother OP? Time to move on.

Littleblue Wed 10-Oct-12 11:59:30

It's silly , I posted a significant little card thing on his fb , not vomit inducing , just quietly romantic ..... hes studiously ignored it , and my message asking if he was ok....

Offred Wed 10-Oct-12 11:59:47

You don't have to say no, he has to gain consent. Agree with cog. He's nasty and entitled and inconsiderate and he has sexually assaulted you on more than one occasion. This is only likely to get worse. Get rid of him. Please don't feel you have to tolerate unwanted sexual attention because you have agreed to a relationship and/or don't have the confidence to say no when you feel no.

fuckadoodlepoopoo Wed 10-Oct-12 12:00:02

I have a mismatch of sex drive with my dh and he has had issues with feeling rejected because of it. He is actively getting help for that.

He has never behaved like such a moron though!

Littleblue Wed 10-Oct-12 12:00:17

I bother because on every other level he is my best friend , and I love him to bits...

fuckadoodlepoopoo Wed 10-Oct-12 12:01:15

Just saw your last post. So he's punishing you for not having sex as and when he wants it! He's a twat!

Offred Wed 10-Oct-12 12:01:20

This ignoring you is to teach you not to complain about his assaults don't be such a wet blanket! Why send him romantic cards! Why shouldn't you say no and why does he want to have sex with you when you don't want it?

Littleblue Wed 10-Oct-12 12:01:50

I'm deeply uncomfortable re the sexual stuff , I have had my head in the sand I guess

fuckadoodlepoopoo Wed 10-Oct-12 12:02:30

He's been better on other levels since , but his tendency to obsess over the time we spent together and come up with some narcissistic poor me outcome split us up for a few weeks mid relationship

What was he doing? Was it possessive behaviour?

Offred Wed 10-Oct-12 12:02:34

I don't think the post title is correct, he's not obsessed with sex, he feels entitled to sex whether or not his partner wants it.

Littleblue Wed 10-Oct-12 12:03:00

I posted the card before the sulking became obvious... I have since removed it.

Helpyourself Wed 10-Oct-12 12:03:08

Read the post from 11.52, and the irritation quite justifiably oozing from it, then 11.59 confused
Why are you posting quietly romantic cards and checking if he's ok?
Dump him, work on your self esteem and take some time out.

mrsfuzzy Wed 10-Oct-12 12:03:20

you've only been together for six months and, not being funny, but it sounds like you,ve been married too many years! it's great at times, but you argue, he obsesses about that saturday well, hello mate, that is the past, he gropes you, he's disrespectful to your wishes not to have sex on demand, you are doing a great job as a mum to your kids and now you have another one to deal with! do yourself a favour, do not move in with him, reading what i wrote before and reading your last post, i think i would now say kick this twonk to the kerb and concentrate on you and the kids, its better to be alone rather any man is better than noone. you,ve had crap in your life, you can do so much better. don't put up with it, as a previous poster said where will it end?

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