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H away for the night for work but did not tell me or dc

(10 Posts)
feelokaboutit Wed 10-Oct-12 11:00:59

We are not talking at all and here is my thread for background info www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1580085-H-and-I-had-heated-and-possibly-over-honest-confrontation-in-counselling-now-he-is-not-speaking-to-me-at-all... Anyway, to cut a long and fairly boring story short, yesterday h did not come back home. I had heard him on the phone to someone else a few days ago saying he would be away tuesday and wednesday but he was still around at lunchtime yesterday and then phoned our son later on in the day to get a phone number. He is not talking to me but nor did he tell our son that he was in fact away for the night (which he does fairly regularly). During the night I woke up at 5.00 am and he still wasn't back. I did think he might have gone away for work but of course did not know for sure so other scenarios were going through my mind. I went back to sleep and phoned him this morning at 8.00am. He confirmed that he was away for work - I then said that he hadn't told me or the dc and then rang off as of course we are not talking - it's all pathetic isn't it???

Anyway, I phoned my aunt and told her all of this and she reads h's actions as a real signal that he wants to be totally separate from me. I myself think he is assuming that I have totally had enough so in the light of this is living his life separately. I do think it is strange that he wouldn't say anything to the kids though.

What would you make of this??

feelokaboutit Wed 10-Oct-12 11:07:23

I mean he fairly regularly goes away for work. This is the first time he hasn't told us.

cestlavielife Wed 10-Oct-12 11:09:15

if he wants to be separate from you he should live elsewhere then he wont have to tell you if he is away.

you cant live like this .

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 10-Oct-12 11:12:03

Sounds like he was trying to make some 'I do as I please and sod the rest of you' kind of point. Not talking is pretty pathetic, you're right. Not telling your family you'll be away is pretty childish.

I think your aunt is probably right. I would therefore ignore the behaviour and set about getting on with life as if he isn't in it. Then advise him that's the permanent arrangement....

BelieveInPink Wed 10-Oct-12 11:51:49

You can't live like that. sad

Whocansay Wed 10-Oct-12 12:05:16

He feels he no longer has to answer to you or his children and can do what he likes. He is detaching from all of you by the sound of it.

He truly believes his behaviour os acceptable and justified. Do you really want to live like this and have your children think this is OK?

On the bright side, this is a perfect opportunity to put his stuff in bin bags and leave outside for collection on his return.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

feelokaboutit Wed 10-Oct-12 18:03:26

Thx for answers. Will wait to see what he says to the dc this evening if they ask him why he didn't let us know he would be away. The whole situation between h and I is uncomfortable but in a way I am glad it has reached this crisis point as we may have to, finally, confront our very long-standing issues.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 10-Oct-12 18:09:51

Confronting is not the same as 'waiting to see what he says'.... You have to take the initiative here.

ErikNorseman Wed 10-Oct-12 18:11:39

Why are you involving the children? This situation is absurd. You are grown adults, you can't ignore each other. If he won't communicate with you then he should fuck off elsewhere until he has decided to behave like an adult.

oldqueenie Wed 10-Oct-12 20:04:43

how old are your dcs op? This whole situation sounds intolerable... but also really uncomfortable and unpleasant for your children to be caught in the middle of your problems as adults.

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