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Have you ever asked anyone out?

(100 Posts)
ParsleyTheLioness Mon 08-Oct-12 20:43:10

I am told that women do this nowadays! Don't know if I would get over the rejection if the answer was no. Am I just being sexist? Or just old...

LaundryFairy Mon 08-Oct-12 21:16:14

I think DH didn't ask first because he is a shy. Also, When we met, it wasn't a case of 'holy-moly-sparks-flying', more 'he seems really nice - I fancy getting to know him better', so it wasnt like I felt I was waiting for him to pick up on some kind of signal from me. I really think this whole business of women expecting to have to wait to be asked is fundamentally wrong. How are we meant to have equality in our relationships if we can't even ask men out?

BreakingGlass Mon 08-Oct-12 21:17:22

Yes. But if I waited for the man to ask me out, I'd waiting a long time and nothing would ever get done.

MothershipG Mon 08-Oct-12 21:24:46

DH and I were work colleagues, then we were friends, then I started to fancy him and hinted and hinted until I was practically drawing him a map, so then I jumped his bones...does that count? grin

He is ridiculous shy with the social skills of an amoeba but completely fab and now it's 16 years, 1 wedding and 2 DC later. smile

GurlwiththeFrothyCurl Mon 08-Oct-12 21:29:24

Twenty six years ago I rang up a lovely man who I worked with and asked him out. I was scared stiff as I was worried that he might reject me. But I fancied him so much and was fed up with waiting for him to ask me.

Very soon it will be our Silver Wedding Anniversary smile

ParsleyTheLioness Mon 08-Oct-12 21:33:09

fairy see I agree with you about equality, but I don't want to misinterpret(sp) a situation, and have them thinking 'eww'...!

ParsleyTheLioness Mon 08-Oct-12 21:37:40

I feel a bit...encouraged!

MushroomSoup Mon 08-Oct-12 22:06:28

Do it, do it, do it!

allchangeplease Mon 08-Oct-12 22:41:13

OP, how did you meet him, and how long ago?

I'm also thinking of asking someone out, but am also very nervous. Glad you've posted and got some encouraging stories! I'm too cowardly to ask face to face blush but I have his mobile and e-mail and probably will text him just suggesting a coffee. I'm not going to see him anytime soon, so just as well. Only met him recently so I thought I have nothing to lose. If you work with him that's very different though.

Maybe you don't have to do it face to face either, if the reaction is 'unsure' it's so cringeworthy for a woman! Mind you, men go through this all their lives, so indeed why shouldn't we.

allchangeplease Mon 08-Oct-12 22:43:14

Oh, and my guy is younger quite a bit! has anyone had a success in this situation, I wonder?

bringbacksideburns Mon 08-Oct-12 22:46:22

I asked every boyfriend i had out. Dh is the only one i didn't!

If you know they like you suggesting a drink is no big deal.

And i was a shy person really, so if i can do it anyone can.

PanonOlympus Mon 08-Oct-12 23:01:53

Bloke here..I've been asked out a couple of times..and it was no problem. Generally, men will take an aaaage to get round to actually do the asking (And then often after some dutch courage has been imbided..)

Just do it.

allchangeplease Mon 08-Oct-12 23:02:57

bringback, how did you get the courage if you were shy grin? were you sure of their attraction/have they dropped hints?

allchangeplease Mon 08-Oct-12 23:07:21

PanonO, patience is supposed to be a feminine virtue, but obviously not so grin.
Interesting how it went from there, in your experience, did you then take over so to speak, or did you feel laid-back and let them run the show? Personally I wouldn't like the bloke to relax too much or to be over-confident just because I've approached him.

PanonOlympus Mon 08-Oct-12 23:10:15

Well,neither - once you start chatting and getting to know each other, all of the rules apply. It's just getting the stuff actually off the ground is the big barrier.

Patience is a female virtue??? Just what sort of women have you been hanging around with?grin

WinklyFriedChicken Mon 08-Oct-12 23:11:17


Once a man from work that had been flirting outrageously with me - he said 'no my girlfriend wouldn't like it' (his girlfriend wouldn't like that he cheated on her multiple times to my knowledge either, but that's not really relevant)

Also asked out my ex-boyfriend, we dated for a while then split up because we had nothing in common whatsoever, but it was fun while it lasted and I don't regret it.

What's the worst thing that can happen if you say "Shall we go for a coffee sometime?" Actually getting the response 'no my girlfriend wouldn't like it' is probably one of the worst things grin

Worley Mon 08-Oct-12 23:12:54

I did when I was 17 and he was 19..he said no.. he came back from uni two years later and asked me out and I said no.. out of spite sad now I really regret not going out with him when he asked.. but he damaged my pride when he said no to me..
stupid pride.. my life would have taken such a different route..

allchangeplease Mon 08-Oct-12 23:13:49

Panon, thanks, that's good.

Did you never say 'no' when being asked out? If you didn't fancy going out, how would you phrase it? just trying to be ready for the worst case scenario before I take the plunge. OP probably too!

allchangeplease Mon 08-Oct-12 23:15:40

Panon - I'm the least patient of all grin, but it's a cliche, isn't it!
and from the point of view that most women still do wait to be asked out, maybe it's quite true.

perplexedpirate Mon 08-Oct-12 23:17:06

Yes, several times (different men, obvs).
Rejected maybe once, but it's not the end of the world, and I wouldn't be with DH now if one of us hadn't made a move (and as he seemed content to moon at me over a pint in silence it was always going to be me grin).

allchangeplease Mon 08-Oct-12 23:21:13

Winkly, I've had that one before (my WIFE wouldn't like it shock - didn't know he was married). I'd say that's fine as presumably he rejects every woman for this reason. Well, not in case of your flirt at work hmm!

I think the worst is when he doesn't have a clear reason and mumbles something in embarassment. That's why i don't ask face to face grin.

DitaVonCheese Mon 08-Oct-12 23:22:21

Gosh yes. And in the olden days (ie 90s wink) too.

PanonOlympus Mon 08-Oct-12 23:23:02

allchange, and OP - don't focus on the rejection possibility. If you do that you'll look silly and a bit unattractive at first sight. Do expect a man to be all flustered and nervous ( not expecting it), but stay with it. He will be all "WTF??" but will recover.

fwiw no, I didn't say no. And had no

expatinscotland Mon 08-Oct-12 23:23:17


Brycie Mon 08-Oct-12 23:25:15

Yes, my husband. Winner.

hatesponge Mon 08-Oct-12 23:27:20

The worst one that happened to me was a friend of a friend. I'd spent a lot of time initially helping him with a claim he was making, but as time went on he used to phone/text me about other stuff too, his house, work, football etc. This went on for months and I felt we had a rapport. In the end just before his birthday I text him and said that we should go for a drink to celebrate - cant remember exactly what I said but I put it better than that anyway. And his text response?

'No, I don't want to'.

I've never heard from him since. My only small consolation is that he's still single (but then I am too, so it's a Pyrrhic victory!)

That's probably the worst outcome. Chances are it won't be anywhere NEAR as bad as that, and quite possibly a lot better smile

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