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Fantasies of turning the tables on abusive DH

(356 Posts)
Revengefantasiesrus Mon 08-Oct-12 13:17:46

My DH is sometimes physically abusive.

About twice a year or so (almost invariably alcohol related) he will lose his temper push me, pull my hair, scream in my face, pin me down, intimidate me an in the most extreme scenario has choked me (momentarily) ad held a knife at my eye level.

The rest of the time he is extremely affectionate, loving and kind. As they are.

This weekend he went out with the lads and got utterly wasted and rolled in at 5am. I don't mind this and occasionally do the same myself on a night out with the girls. What I did mind is I asked him to do 2 simple things - not to lose the bank card because it is the only way we had of paying for anything and to make sure he kept enough cash for the taxi because we didn't have any in the house.

Needless to say he came back without cash or card. Plus his shirt was ripped as he ha been fighting. I was not best pleased.

So the next morning at about lunchtime I woke him and gave him a bitchy and sarcastic piece of my mind. Whereat he shouted at me, grabbed me, pinned me on the bed and choked me. Then said it was my fault for pushing his buttons (hollow laugh).

Yes I know I should leave him but I won't be for a huge number of reasons I won't go into.

The point of this post is, has anyone else, having been in this position, had subsequent fantasies where they drug and tie up their partner and then when they wake up do exactly to them what they did to you?

He has apologized, begged forgiveness, says he will never touch me again blah blah blah. But lying in bed last night all I could think of was how much I wanted to see HIM lying there helpless while I scream in his face with a knife in my hand and choke him until he can't breathe and show him just how it feels to be helpless and afraid and completely powerless to make it stop. I want him to see hate and viciousness in my face and to feel visceral fear.

And I want to do it so much I almost feel like I could.

I have forgiven, made allowances, tried to love him and understand how his abusive childhood has damaged him, I have paid for his therapy and medication, I have moved on and put these things behind me so many times. Now, all of a sudden, I don't want to do that any more. I don't want to leave him, for me the good currently does actually outweigh the bad. But I do want to punish him and show him how it feels.

Is it just me?

Jux Thu 11-Oct-12 15:24:14

Have reported that post, Strawb. Better done by pm, next time, eh?

strawberry17 Thu 11-Oct-12 15:39:50

I am so sorry OP and the rest of you I truly wasn't engaging my brain.

strawberry17 Thu 11-Oct-12 15:53:46

Have apologised to OP in private, crap at the etiquette/rules on relationships boards and will stay away, no malice was intended.

Jux Thu 11-Oct-12 18:50:09

...and I meant to put a smile or wink on my post to you Strawb, in an effort to soften the blow grin

Back to op...

How are you? I am concerned that you have left the nest of vipers and will find yourself without support when you need it. A lot of people here are worried about you, and your children.

It is awfully hard to leave; even when abuse is persistent and continuous and the bad clearly outweighs the good.

Do you think he can be persuaded to get serious therapy for himself?
Do you think he realizes that he may very well lose you all if he doesn't commit to sorting out his issues?
Does he realise how likely he is to kill you - even if he doesn't actually mean to? How close he comes to doing so?
Do you think you might be able to talk to him about that - very non-confrontationally of course, and definitely in a public place. I don't know how good an idea that is though.

Whatever you decide we will be here in Relationships, ready to support you and help you through, when you need it.

tumbletumble Thu 11-Oct-12 21:42:18

OP, I have just read this thread and feel moved to post (I rarely post in Relationships - normally stick to the 'easy listening' nature of Chat). If you are still reading, I just wanted to let you know what an intelligent, thoughtful and compassionate woman you seem to be. I really hope things work out for you one way or another.

izzyizin Thu 11-Oct-12 21:53:09

What an intelligent, thoughtful, compassionate, and misguided woman you seem to be... a veritable testimony of hope over experience.

But it's beginning to turn sour because there's only so much hope you can generate and hold out when experience tells you that nothing's changed and you come to the realisation that, despite everything you've done, despite all the resources you've depleted in the struggle to make it come good, nothing is going to change.

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