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feel like I have to have sex

(9 Posts)
nosextoday Sun 07-Oct-12 21:19:06

All these child abuse revelations have been making me trigger for about 10 days now. I have been becoming increasingly depressed even though I am on antidepressants. I'm normally okay and happy but am currently struggling.

dh has mentioned that we don't have sex much which is true. It's only about once every one or two months. He doesn't pressure me but I can tell that he gets a bit fed up. He wouldn't stray and I feel sorry for him and that I should just do it to keep him happy. I do feel that I'm being raped when I actually have intercourse though. I never used to feel like this. I just want it over and done with as quickly as possible. I use lubrication and have a drink beforehand. I have had no sex drive for the past 8 years or so sad I mentioned it to the gp but she wasn't interested.

nannyof3 Sun 07-Oct-12 21:25:32

Why do u feel like he is raping you?

His putting no pressure on you?

nosextoday Sun 07-Oct-12 21:27:14

Because it brings back memories of when I was raped. dh is nice to me this isn't his fault.

RumbleGreen Sun 07-Oct-12 21:29:53

You need to tell him, since he puts no pressure on you I am sure who would be interested in the reason you no longer have sex and you can find a way to resolve this together.

Jezabelle Sun 07-Oct-12 21:32:57

Sounds awful for you. Have you ever sought help? Maybe as a couple?

SmokyClav Sun 07-Oct-12 21:37:56

Have you tried speaking to rapecrisis?
There are many people who feel this way after being raped- your gp is an arse!

Could you access counselling?

Good luck.

riceasnice Mon 08-Oct-12 15:36:58

Your story is so sad. I'm sure it is possible for you to enjoy sex again. I agree with the other posters about counselling, I think this could help you disentangle past feelings from present ones.
Does your dh know about the rape? You don't have to tell him, but I think it is important you don't have sex when you don't feel like it as this is hurting you further.
Could you try being intimate with dh? Make clear first that you do not want intercourse so the pressure is off you. A good trick to stay in the present moment is to look at what is good/different in the moment, eg: little kisses from dh, stroking, music. Alcohol will make you more relaxed but less able to stay in the present.
How long ago did this happen to you?

Offred Mon 08-Oct-12 16:54:21

Agree with rice. Also that you might benefit from some specialist rape counselling. If you feel your husband will be supportive then you could consider speaking to him about how you feel. You don't have to though and I don't think you should be using alcohol to have sex you don't want.

It is possible to feel good about sex but you need to take control over the experience back. A nice dh will be patient and supportive and would be upset if he knew you felt like that. Don't associate anymore bad memories with your current relationship by getting up the courage to stop sex the minute it doesn't feel good. Also you might benefit from taking sex completely off the agenda for a while so that you can work through some of the issues that are causing your flashbacks. I think it is common for victims to learn that sex is about pain and violation and in order to try and regain some control to do this dutiful sex providing as a self-protective mechanism and as self harm. It ultimately won't help you or your relationship though.

hoopieghirl Mon 08-Oct-12 18:46:05

I am so sorry that happened to you. Agree with other posters you prob would benefit from talking to someone from rape crisis etc. Good luck whatever u decide to do x

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