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Oh Mumsnet - you have got me into trouble

(64 Posts)
wandymum Sun 07-Oct-12 17:29:23

Reading a thread about DHs and porn and came across a way to see their i-phone history even if they'd deleted.

I couldn't resist looking. Not hugely bothered if DH looks at porn (they all do as far as I can tell), relationship generally good and I had no reason to feel the need to check up on him. Partly I wanted to see what turned him on to see if it would help spice things up a bit, partly I am just nosey.

Anyway, amongst the stuff on his phone was a site called Seemed to be an actual guide to how to have an affair without getting caught rather than porn so I asked him about it.

He said it was probably a pop up and is now refusing to talk to me at all because I have invaded his privacy.


InTheNightGarden Wed 10-Oct-12 14:52:41

caja think you've absolutely hit the nail on the head smile damm I feel bad now!

izzyizin Wed 10-Oct-12 12:22:28

I cut their heads off some time ago, Katie, but they grew back and now writhe trail below my shoulders.

I intend to raise the corpse of invoke Vidal Sassoon on the 31st in the hope that he can style them into a more manageable 'do', as it were grin

<attempts to plait the buggers>

KatieScarlett2833 Wed 10-Oct-12 12:12:33

Oh, feel free Izzy

All converts to the coven are welcome.

<Have you tried the MN Viper haircut, BTW? >


izzyizin Wed 10-Oct-12 12:07:10

I've taken the liberty of adapting one of your impressive responses on another thread for the OP's use, Katie. I have, of course, credited you and hope it will be in order to refer to it again should occasion arise.

<combs snakes writhing on own head into a fetching fringe>

ZigZagWanderer Wed 10-Oct-12 12:04:51

I didn't know this stuff exsisted and to be honest, makes me want to snoop too.

ZigZagWanderer Wed 10-Oct-12 12:03:20

I tried to link that but it hasn't done it.

This is the text on that page, (I'm a bit crap at this).

Finding someone to have sex with really isn’t that difficult. I know some pretty nerdy dudes that have pulled in some serious tail. The difficult part of cheating is getting away with it. Women can’t help themselves. They don’t trust anyone. Even though they might tell you they trust you, they don’t. Every move you make, they’re paying attention. Every penny you spend, they know about it. So you have to be incredibly cautious to avoid her from finding out about your secret life.

4 Most Common Mistakes Cheaters Make
1.Failing to hide their browser history (sites you visit online) and passwords on the family computers.
2.Careless use of text messaging and phone call logs.
3.Paying for a hotel, online dating site, and other activities with a shared credit card or shared bank card.
4.Forgetting to delete IM logs.

The main reason men make these mistakes is carelessness. They think they’re invincible and don’t realize just how much their wife is paying attention to what they do. I can teach you how to find a sex partner, but if you don’t know how to avoid making the above mistakes, you may as well just tell your wife you’ve been having an affair.

How to Avoid Making Careless Mistakes

If you’re generally a careless individual, it’s time you change your habits. Attention to detail is the #1 key to cheating and getting away with it. You must have a solid system for cheating. That system should be strategically planned out and executed completely. Don’t even bother trying to meet women until you’re 100% certain you’re prepared. And read these tips on how to avoid making common mistakes men make.

Web Browser History

I figured this part was common sense, so I never even brought it up. That was until I had quite a few guys emailing me to tell me they were caught by their spouse because they failed to hide their online moves. So this is your fair warning. It really doesn’t matter if the computer is a shared computer or your own computer, you need to USE PRIVATE BROWSING if you’re dating off of cheating websites so your wife doesn’t find out what naughty websites you’ve been visiting.

I’m going to stop you before you say, “my wife has never touched my laptop”. She might someday. What happens if you’re careless and completely forget about the sites you’ve been visiting and allow her to use it? She might type in a website and see a site suggestion for one of the adult sites you’ve been visiting. She will immediately begin to question why you’ve been visiting that site. Cover all of your tracks.

Get in the habit of USING PRIVATE BROWSING every time you do anything online related to having an affair. Using “Privacy Mode” on your browsers is a great idea, and the one guys forget the most. This will greatly help eliminate her chances of finding out what you’ve been doing.

Passwords also need to be deleted. On most browsers (i.e. Firefox and Google Chrome), you can delete your browser history without removing the paper trail left behind from stored passwords, email addresses, and user names. Remove everything related to having an affair after every time you use your computer.

For complete instructions on how to hide what you’ve been doing online, check out the this wiki article.

ZigZagWanderer Wed 10-Oct-12 12:01:21

If I found this on my DP's phone I would go fucking mental. (Regardless of the how I found them).

KatieScarlett2833 Wed 10-Oct-12 11:52:33

Only when it's a full moon Lu


Lueji Wed 10-Oct-12 11:50:53

You mean fangs, surely? wink

KatieScarlett2833 Wed 10-Oct-12 11:22:48

Yes, to the insecure and guilty we are a nest of vipers.

Oh well.... <shrugs, polishes nails>

DinosaursOnASpaceship Wed 10-Oct-12 10:34:48

I get pop ups on my iPhone when I go to nhs sites and am generally googling for pregnancy stuff - usually do I want to fill in a survey or sign up for pregnancy calendars etc. no idea about porn sites as I don't use them, I've never had a porn pop up appear through.

Looking through my Internet history, the pop ups don't appear on it unless I've actually clicked on it though and gone to the site it's advertising.

Although on my history it says I've been on adult friend finder!! I haven't ever, So no idea where that's come from.

Ra88 Wed 10-Oct-12 10:34:00

You can turn off pop ups on the iPhone but some sites will actually appear in the advanced settings on iPhone that are linked to sites . I say that he has been on porn and a site has been "attached" to it and that's why it's appeared in the log

CajaDeLaMemoria Wed 10-Oct-12 10:21:44

Maybe this was a roundabout way of showing that he can be trusted, and can organise things she'll love?

After all, if she was his, you probably wouldn't worry about what he was organising. Maybe he was just trying to show that you don't need to worry about him either, and that he is like her father?

It's a manly and unthoughtful way of going about it, but it could be what he was intending. Maybe he'll unveil it as a surprise just before they leave?

InTheNightGarden Wed 10-Oct-12 10:04:42

all is ok, I rang my mum thinking surely she'd know! she understood my worry and told me my dp's paid for my mum and dad to take dd and dd's cousin to Disneyland Paris for the weekend!!! why I couldn't know that I do not know and where the money's come from to pay for that and us to go away I do not know either .... I feel kinda bad as I havnt told dp I've spoken to mum and I know all the plans!!!!

AnyFucker Mon 08-Oct-12 21:01:26

ITNG, are you serious ??

WhoNickedMyName Mon 08-Oct-12 17:44:00

InTheNightGarden I find that really weird and hope you've told him to fuck off in no uncertain terms that you won't be going anywhere with him unless you know the exact whereabouts of your (not his) 17 month old baby and you trust implicitly the people she is with.

Anniegetyourgun Mon 08-Oct-12 13:27:29

InTheNightGarden What??? confused He's going to send your DD somewhere and won't tell you where? Is that right? It's not a matter of trusting him, you've got to know where your baby is because, well, it's your baby innit?

clam Mon 08-Oct-12 13:15:24

Call me an old cynic if you like, but I'd lay bets on the fact that your dh is deliberately attempting to cloud the real issue here (of how to hide an affair) with feigning hurt/fury about you looking at his phone.
Which is working, because you're now running after him apologising and he feels he has the moral highground of being the wronged party.

Until you catch him out next time.

Good luck with this one.

InTheNightGarden Mon 08-Oct-12 12:27:26

lol I don't want to do it for the same reason, my dp has planned something for my dd (from a previous relationship) for a weekend while we go away however he won't tell me what she's doing, she's only 17months old!! he said I should trust him however I do not feel happy not seeing dd ALL weekend while we swan off anywhere!! thats why I want to look, he always lets me on his phone to use his apps so he won't suspect anything and I don't not me checking up on him coz I know he wouldn't do anything wrong in that respect just wanna know what my dd is doing!!! smile

sookiesookie Mon 08-Oct-12 07:50:41

There is a difference to me with general using each others phone and finding ways to get a deleted stuff.
if dh went through deleted history it would say to me 'i do not trust you'. My reaction would be hurt but want to know why and work on it. As would,i am almost 100%, would be dhs.

But yes i would be hurt that my husband did not trust ma and would want to know why.

sookiesookie Mon 08-Oct-12 07:38:11

Yes I do actually, as detective said you don't get pop ups on iPhones. Sorry.

Except that's not true. And you didn't say iPhones don't get pop ups. Your said there's no such pop ups for that. Which is something you actually don't know.

I think there is something going on with this man, based on refusing to look at her. But I also think the OP suspected something and is not saying.
However telling the OP something that you don't actually know isn't helpful.

DoIDare Mon 08-Oct-12 07:34:02

Feck it . IMO married couples are allowed to check on each other. It's only human. He has something iffy. He annot explain it satisfactorily.

If I were you op, I'd appear to accept it, protect yourself (safe sex etc) and gather financial info, just in case.

Discuss your marriage etc- maybe he is entirely innocent, maybe he was considering an affair (the shit) or maybe having one. Then at least you are in abetted position.

Good luck

SoupDragon Mon 08-Oct-12 07:21:46

I think checking someone's internet history is rather different to just using their phone. It is an invasion of their privacy and you have to accept that.

Which doesn't excuse him from any blame if he did indeed visit that site rather than have it pop-up or something else. And yes, you do get pop-ups on an iPhone.

You both need to sit down and have a proper heart to heart. you need to apologise for apparently checking up on him and he needs to actually talk properly about the site being on his internet history and whether there are actually any problems with your marriage.

stuffitunderthebed Mon 08-Oct-12 07:03:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

InTheNightGarden Mon 08-Oct-12 06:35:29

also think you need to read more into the website you found :-/ odd...deffo not a pop up!!!

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