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Mother in law

(20 Posts)
mrsm68 Sun 07-Oct-12 02:45:14

I will try to be brief.

My brother in law (hubby's brother) has a new girlfriend.

Mother law says to new girlfriend (about me) previous to her meeting me "I'll let you make up your own mind about her"

So, the mother in law does not like me surely. You don't say that unless you don't like someone but you are pretending to be tactful.

Your thoughts please.

Iheartpasties Sun 07-Oct-12 02:50:47

yes - doesnt sound like a very positive thing to say about someone!

Brycie Sun 07-Oct-12 02:53:31

It sounds like she doesn't like you, I'm sorry. Or maybe you're just too independent for her and she wouldn't like you if you were Princess Di. She may start saying things to you about the girlfriend, if the girlfriend doesn't toe the line.

deleted203 Sun 07-Oct-12 02:56:35

My MIL once said to me 'You're not at all the sort of person I hoped DS would end up with!'....and she quite likes me, actually. But it's fairly hard to take that in a good way smile.

Do you care what MIL thinks as long as you manage to be civil to each other?

Brycie Sun 07-Oct-12 02:58:16

At least you know. It will save you a lot of effort and heartache. Everyone likes to be loved or liked by people close to them, and that includes husband's mother, it's all family. So it can be awful to try, and wonder what you're doing wrong, and for it to go on and on. At least now you know.

sookiesookie Sun 07-Oct-12 07:29:00

who told you she said this?

WaitingForMe Sun 07-Oct-12 07:33:06

Well she's outed herself as a cow and laid the foundation for a nice friendship between you and the new girlfriend so that's a positive smile

mrsm68 Sun 07-Oct-12 07:52:39


The girlfriend told me.

Frontpaw Sun 07-Oct-12 08:06:31

Maybe it depends how she said it! If you are quite excentric, have green hair and eat only worms, then she may have been saying it in an affectionate way. Perhaps...

Frontpaw Sun 07-Oct-12 08:07:07

Maybe it depends how she said it! If you are quite excentric, have green hair and eat only worms, then she may have been saying it in an affectionate way. Perhaps...

mrsm68 Sun 07-Oct-12 08:11:43

frontpaw you described me perfectly grin

VBisme Sun 07-Oct-12 08:12:04

Well the new girlfriend sounds lovely grin why tell you that? It was done to cause trouble.
If you want to know what your MIL meant then ask her (in a nice non aggressive way)

RobynRidingHood Sun 07-Oct-12 08:31:03

Perhaps the new GF is stirring the pot. Perhaps MIL does not pass opinion on anyone and 'make your own mind up' is a stock phrase she uses.

I'll go with GF srirring the pot. Good luck to BIL with that one

HeathRobinson Sun 07-Oct-12 08:41:41

Aww, poor mil.

I think there are 2 issues here about the girlfriend -
Did mil make the comment?
If so, why did the girlfriend tell you?

Girlfriend could have been digging for some dirt about you from your mil, possibly trying to get in with mil. Mil wants to tell her to fo, but instead diplomatically says she'll let her make her own mind up.

I think the great thing about mil's comment is that, even if she doesn't like you, she hasn't tried to prejudice the girlfriend against you.

And I wouldn't assume from this one comment that mil doesn't like you. If your usual relationship with her is good, just carry on with that.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 07-Oct-12 08:44:47

Maybe MIL was asked for her opinion and thought 'make your own mind up' was a safer option than trying to describe your character. If MIL had told the new g/f that you were 'very nice' for example, would you be writing threads along the lines of 'The best description MIL could think of was that I am 'nice'... should I feel offended?'

sookiesookie Sun 07-Oct-12 09:15:23

The girlfriend told me.

Personally I am very wary of people who do this. I think its her stirring and twisting it.

Besom Sun 07-Oct-12 09:35:14

hmm yes gf is stirring. why say that? What is your relationsip with mil from your point of view?

mrsm68 Sun 07-Oct-12 10:40:11

My relationship with mil is good. From my point of view, we get on really well, have a lot in common and can have a good laugh together.

She certainly appears to like me, I never doubted it before.

I'm going to carry on as normal. I won't ask mil because I can't be doing with the upset/anger it may cause. Whether she likes me or not, she certainly comes across as liking me.

I will keep an open mind with the girlfriend. I have finally reached a time in my life where I'm secure enough in myself to not worry about silly comments. Like others have said on here, I don't know how it was said and when we take things out of context they never sound the same smile

Thanks for all your opinions, it helps to put things into perspective.

dysfunctionalme Sun 07-Oct-12 10:46:44

Possibly the girlfriend asked, "So what's mrsm68 like?" and mil answered, diplomatically, "I'll let you make up your own mind."

In this scenario I would consider your mil as the wise one and the gf as the gossip.

Besom Sun 07-Oct-12 10:54:21

In the context of anotherwise good relationship and the fact that she doesn't know the gf well, is it possible that mil was just a bit embarrassed to go 'I love mrsm68', and has said something more along the lines of 'you'll meet her, so you'll see for yourself'.

I think your take on it is very sensible btw.

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