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Just escaping long abusive controlling marriage. How do I find 'me' ?

(10 Posts)
ladybird69 Sat 06-Oct-12 20:04:43

Hi I've just escaped from my marriage. For past 26 yrs I have lost myself in the pandering to his royal highness. I have no idea of what food, music, tv etc that I like!!! Any tips of how I can find myself????? And how to actually make the decision as to what I like and don't!

ParsleyTheLioness Sat 06-Oct-12 20:25:45

You will. Time will do it for you. And it will be an exciting journey. If you relax, and stop thinking about it, a lot of this stuff will come naturally to you.

lightahead Sat 06-Oct-12 20:28:05

Take each day as it comes, dont make major plans or decisions. Spend time thinking about what you used to like , give yourself time and be prepared for periods of uncertainty. Have you dc you can spend time with? This could be a time to slowly regain sight of who you once were, good luck.

tribpot Sat 06-Oct-12 20:29:55

You sound a little like a long term prisoner released back into society, with no idea how to make choices because for years everything was decided for you smile

Try not to overthink it, as Parsley says. Perhaps for now just make sure you deliberately make choices that aren't the same ones you would have made/followed if you were still in your marriage. Start with what you'll eat tonight (or tomorrow, if you've already eaten). Choose something you wouldn't have made before.

Mymumsdaughter Sat 06-Oct-12 20:32:03

Relax, don-t put pressure on yourself, have adventures finding out and take it easy on making decisions have an open mind and explore Have fun

lobsterclaw Sat 06-Oct-12 20:32:40

I'm in the same situation!

Reconnect with friends, go to lots of different things (you'll soon find out what you like and don't like). It's really scary but exhilarating at the same time, good luck, you will be fine. Also, pamper yourself a bit...it can really help to face the day, so to speak smile

thixotropic Sat 06-Oct-12 20:38:34

Wow, well done you.

What an exciting journey you are embarking on!

How about, for starters making a list of things he 'banned' , hated, or discouraged.

Work through one a day for a month, and giggle Like a naughty toddler at each one

Could be little stuff like watching a tv program he despised or stuffing yourself with childish kids sweets for 1hour.

Tick the ones you liked doing, and at the end of the 28 days declare yourself Free Of His Shite, then go back and do the fun ones again. Twice.

Hopefully that will start you on a journey to finding yourself.

Good luck and have fun. X

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 06-Oct-12 21:52:06

When I was in your situation I adopted a 'try everything' attitude to life. Anything that came along such as an invitation, holiday brochure, concert at a local venue, opportunity for business travel, theatre tickets, crash course in playing the ukulele ... you name it, I grabbed it with both hands and got involved. Did some crazy stuff and made quite a few mistakes along the way but... what a ride!!!

If you get stuck and need inspiration, can I also recommend 'things the ex hated' as another good springboard for ideas? smile

dementedma Sat 06-Oct-12 21:53:52

congratulations to you! Enjoy your new life

ladybird69 Sat 06-Oct-12 23:55:49

Thanks so much for your replies :-) I think a lot of my reluctance is being ridiculed! As he was so fond of doing! But I like the thought of saying yes to everything and using tick list as to whether or not 'I actually enjoyed it' much of my past experiences were making sure they were good for HRH and stopping a adult toddler tantrum. So I guess relaxing and experiencing every experience is a big 'to do' smile

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