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I am trying to end it, but he's being stubborn

(17 Posts)
Usherwoop Sat 06-Oct-12 11:32:32

Posted last week about "dp" becoming possessive and jealous (of doctors who had to examine me, got angry when I wouldn't have sex, checking my phone etc).

I have told him it's over. And he won't accept it. He is bombarding me with texts, the most recent saying

"I know you're really upset atm and rightly so so I think it's a good idea to give each other some space and we can talk when emotions aren't running so high. Try and think of the good reasons why you should give me a chance. And I know you did worry about 'girl' I could tell! I just think your feelings for me have taken a hit cos you upset and rightly so. By giving me a 2nd chance I don't mean forcing yourself on me just see me as a friend first and let me do the work to make it more"

The reference to the girl was me telling him I didn't even feel jealous at thought of him sleeping with someone else- I don't care. His language about me being upset is patronising because I'm not- like a switch has gone out.

I don't know how to get the texts to stop. I would like to think in future we could be friends, probably too optimistic though. Any advice on how to get the guilt trips to stop?

OldLadyKnowsNothing Sat 06-Oct-12 11:33:56

Can you block his texts? Or alternatively, report him to the police for harrassment.

wannabedomesticgoddess Sat 06-Oct-12 11:36:24

Change your number.

Until you do, dont engage at all. When a text comes through from him delete it straight away. Dont read them.

DontmindifIdo Sat 06-Oct-12 11:38:01

Do you have DCs together? If not, no reason to have any contact with him, friends with ex's rarely work when one side doesn't want to split up, so cut him out completely, delete texts without replying. Ideally don't bother reading them.

It's tough, but remember, if you aren't in a relationship with him there is no reason to have any contact with him unless his friendship improves your life.

SeveredEdMcDunnough Sat 06-Oct-12 11:40:58

You have to be like a cracked record I'm afraid

Say, I don't want to continue seeing you, I don't want to talk about it, please stop contacting me.

Once you have asked him (pref by text/in writing/email) to stop contacting you, if he continues to do so after that, the police will take it seriously as it is classed as harassment.

They will generally do this after a 'few' texts or calls - not just one - it has to be sustained.

I hope this helps if things get desperate and he won't listen. Be clear and a bit breezy about it - laugh off his pleas - keep repeating that you're sorry but you just don't think it is going to work out.

TalTangerine Sat 06-Oct-12 11:44:32

Tell him if he sends any more texts you will delete them and not to send any more. Then never reply again - he will continue to try to contact you but if you keep ignoring should eventually stop, but you can report to police if he doesn't. Set your email inbox to filter his emails straight into the trash and block his number everywhere.

TalTangerine Sat 06-Oct-12 11:45:28

People like that see every reply, even if in the negative, as encouragement. So the only way is to stop engaging.

SeveredEdMcDunnough Sat 06-Oct-12 11:51:12

The police will also advise you to change your number if possible. It might work. I once told an ex I'd changed my email address, though I hadn't, and he stopped emailing me.

HotDAMNlifeisgood Sat 06-Oct-12 13:27:48

"Try and think of the good reasons why you should give me a chance."

Hahahahahaha what a twat.

I'd be more inclined to see that statement as a yet another demonstration of why he has been given the boot. Entitled and patronising arse.

In all seriousness: if you don't have any DC with him, now is the time to change your SIM card and e-mail address, and any other means he has of contacting you. This man does not respect you enough to accept that no means no, and that you do know your own mind. Even repeating to him that it's over is wasted breath: just behave like it's over (it is) and eventually, the message will get through.

He won't want to give up for a while though. His type don't like defeat. be uncontactable, and be strong.


Usherwoop Sat 06-Oct-12 13:37:51

No DCs we were only together about 2 months! We were friends for years and years so this is sad but always a risk in these things I guess.

He's now started with "I'm ok with being friends, it's for the best, maybe we'll come out of this as better friends. Fnacy a Skype later?"

If you remember my previous thread, you will know the awkwardness is there due to a pre-booked holiday with a group of mutual friends. He is still planning on going... This complicates the situation and I'm not sure what to do!

DontmindifIdo Sat 06-Oct-12 14:06:09

don't go on the holiday. It's not like you'll enjoy it anyway.

Ignore all his messages, don't even reply with a 'no' to the skype. If he can't contact you, eventually he'll get bored.

Whocansay Sat 06-Oct-12 16:06:25

I agree with the no response approach.

Wrt the holiday, you've paid for him, but is it a case where you can withhold the ticket and sell it on to another friend? He hasn't yet paid for it, so is not entitled to it.

Alternatively is there someone else who would like to go on the holiday in your place? Either way, even if you lose all the cash, I think going would be a spectacularly bad idea. He's a knob that doesn't understand that no means no.

QuintessentialShadows Sat 06-Oct-12 16:08:55

Dont reply. You dont want to skype him. Just ignore him.

hoopieghirl Sat 06-Oct-12 18:30:43

Ignore, ignore, ignore he will soon get tired of texting if you do not engage with him.

fiventhree Sat 06-Oct-12 18:41:50

Very controlling language in that text.

Usherwoop Sat 06-Oct-12 19:19:17

So I decided to briefly use his attempts to my advantage and asked him to transfer the money he owes me into my account.

And it's worked! So at least now it will only be my share I lose.

He keeps asking to talk on Skype. I'm just going to say I don't think its a good idea, that I need to not speak with him, and then ignore any subsequent texts, good plan?

PrimaBallerina Sat 06-Oct-12 19:57:38

I agree with the person who said to text or email that you don't feel the same anymore and are 100% that the relationship is over so please stop contacting you. Then don't respond to ANYTHING else and report him if it gets out if hand.

Be blunt and final with him - no maybes or 'I don't thinks'. Well done for not wasting any longer on this man.

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