Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Hubby told me not to buy kids any more toys for Xmas :/

(86 Posts)
Cheekychops84 Sat 06-Oct-12 09:00:15

So what do I get a 7,5 and 2 month old!? He is such a Scrooge ! He is from a third world country mind and had no toys ! He see's them as clutter but I can't not buy them can I !?

ivanapoo Sat 06-Oct-12 09:57:31

Bertie most of my school friends received loads more than me at Xmas (and I was by no means deprived) and I remember feeling slightly hard done by maybe once, but I'd forgotten all about it within days if not hours. And I always appreciated what I did have.

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts Sat 06-Oct-12 10:00:40

Buy them some toys. He can't dictate fgs.

My DH gets all high horsey about it but i don't listen! I don't spend too much!

Cheekychops84 Sat 06-Oct-12 11:03:24

Lol I'm not scared of him jus annoyed as we have this every Xmas! He says no to toys cause they clutter and the kids drag them out and then don't put them back (but I do eventually) I do obv make them tidy up but them u turn ur back and it's all back out again :/

HecateHarshPants Sat 06-Oct-12 11:05:14

That's just being kids! Kids make mess. He's very unrealistic if he thinks that children play nicely and neatly with one item then repackage it and return it to its storage space before choosing another item to play with. grin

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts Sat 06-Oct-12 11:08:58

No toys is a silly suggestion.

Cheekychops84 Sat 06-Oct-12 11:19:26

Yea tbh think he as OCD as he really loves things tidy grin

bumhead Sat 06-Oct-12 15:14:36

If money is short then you can do things like ask on Freecycle for bikes for the 5 and 7 year old and respray them/jazz them up a bit.
Kids love stuff like that, it doesn't have to be new, they won't care!
I think your DH needs to realise that although he had the upbringing he did, he is now living in the Western world and although a balance has to be met, it's different times, different cultures.

purplehouse Sat 06-Oct-12 15:18:50

As well as decluttering, tidy up what you have - tidy it into boxes so that your H is not looking at lots of toys.

He sounds really miserable. I don't think it's relevant where he comes from because your children live here and have to go to school and mix with children here and it does seem mean not to get them any toys for christmas.

Or approach it from an educational toy perspective.

Mumsyblouse Sat 06-Oct-12 16:10:50

i don't like the sound of this at all, he doesn't like toys as they make a mess and is cross if you buy one toy at Christmas-horrible attitude.

My husband is rather extravagent with getting gifts, I don't tell him what to buy, nor does he tell me, we get it all together and whatever we judge ok is what they have.

I never heard of a person who thinks its reasonable not to buy presents for small children, limit the amount, yes, select just a few, yes, give to charity, fine, but not to get any?

I often think my husband's extravagance comes from being poor (not from a western european country) so I'm sure it has some effect, I go for some gentle guidance if he's going really bonkers and we usually agree in the end.

BertieBotts Sat 06-Oct-12 17:29:45

Well yeah ivana, but if they get nothing?

I know children get different amounts and they cope with that just fine, but nothing as opposed to something would get noticed, I think.

Offred Sat 06-Oct-12 17:55:39

I thought the op said more toys and that she had already bought them one each. It isn't nice to have an attitude of children's toys being mess and that they shouldn't have any but I thought he was saying they shouldn't have more which is a bit different especially if at 7 and 5 they won't tidy them up. I also think it is wrong to go behind his back and buy more no matter how he feels. There is no substitute for communication in a relationship and by dictating to and undermining each other instead of presenting a united front with a compromise you are modelling an unhealthy relationship and pushing each other away.

Offred Sat 06-Oct-12 17:57:13

Last year we said no toys because we already have a whole playroom and two bedrooms full of them. They had other things instead. It isn't child abuse FGS.

DreamingofSummer Sat 06-Oct-12 17:59:51

Just buy the toys - always easier to apologise than ask permission

lljkk Sat 06-Oct-12 18:00:50

Set a budget & keep to it. You get to buy whatever is within budget.

I have friends who only buy one small gift for each DC at Xmas, and truth is, I think it's a bit mean (even though they are awfully skint). Their home has little personality.

lalalonglegs Sat 06-Oct-12 18:16:06

I'm going to side with your husband slightly - I find it slightly nauseating when children are giving lots of stuff at Christmas that they don't need. I tend to give my children a treat rather than a big physical present but I do know that relatives will shower them with all sorts of crap toys.

NotYouNaanBread Sat 06-Oct-12 18:19:57

Depends. We don't buy our children toys at Christmas because my MIL is INSANE and sends over $100's worth from the US. Now that DD1 is a bit more aware, I might get her something small from us - a set of Sylvanian families or similar so that she has a box to open "from Mum & Dad" but that's all. The IL's are coming to England for Christmas this year so we're going to be drowning in a sea of wrapping paper as it is. I have a deal with my Dad that he buys their shoes all year instead of having to remember Christmas/birthday.

So it's NOT necessarily the end of the world if your husband has banned spending money on excessive and un-needed toys for Christmas. One nice toy each is ample, IMO, esp. when other family members are likely to give them gifts too.

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts Sat 06-Oct-12 21:13:32

Naan don't you worry that when the children are more aware, they will look at the HUGE pile from Granny and then at your teeny box and think hmm

Nanny0gg Sat 06-Oct-12 21:41:41

The two-month old will be 4 months at Christmas, and won't have a birthday till around August.
Will any toys be bought before then?

So what will the 2 month-old play with for the next year?

And I think a few toys would be okay for all three.

Cheekychops84 Sat 06-Oct-12 22:22:48

Lovely suggestions thank you everyone I will jus buy a couple the rest can be hair bands and clothes and bitty bits

CaliforniaLeaving Sat 06-Oct-12 23:42:21

Really, he grew up with nothing for Christmas so he wants his kids to live that way too?
What a scrooge. They sound like normal kids to me, my 7 year old still pulls stuff out and doesn't put it away, we are working on it, but even though Dh grew up with very little he wants his children to have what he didn't and to have fun and be happy. You Dh is being unreasonable. He isn't living in a third world country anymore. Maybe you can invest is some sort of storage solutions for the toys so it looks tidy.
Doesn't he understand that Children's play is their work when they are so little, it's how they explore the world and learn.

BustersOfDoom Sun 07-Oct-12 00:01:44

I'm sorry but he sounds like an arse. Christmas for children is about toys. Not fecking hair bands. Children play and leave toys out, it's for the parents to teach them to tidy them away and not to restrict the amount of toys they might get next birthday/christmas because they haven't taught them to tidy up after play.

A couple of toys and hair bands and clothes? Sounds great! Were your childhood Christmases like that OP? Cos mine surely weren't and we were anything but loaded. Sounds miserable to me.

Offred Sun 07-Oct-12 08:31:08

Christmas is most definitely not about toys in our house jeez how depressing! confusedhmm

WearingGreen Sun 07-Oct-12 08:53:13

My DH is from a third world country and isn't even a Christian an our kids get toys. They are my kids too and I'm from UK and I am a Christian. We don't get them loads but they do have enough to occupy themselves and they have outdoor toys too. I do most of the childcare and it would drive me nuts to have them hanging around me all day with nothing to do and I think its a good thing to know how to ride a bike or play monopoly or build a lego house or do a jigsaw. If you are going to share your house with people then you do have to accept that they are going to have some stuff. I would love to have a house with no clutter in it, lot of us would, but I'd rather have to tidy up a bit more and let them play with stuff.

Cheekychops84 Sun 07-Oct-12 09:00:53

They are stored in canvas boxes under their beds seriously then when messy they just have to put them back in the boxes it's not hard really but I end up doing it anyway! I will say I had everything I wanted as a child but I was an only child and must admit as they are getting older in finding it harder to buy the bigger things they want like iPads and xboxes:/ . And as I am currently on mt leave its going to be hard this year. I must say when my first was born up until she was around 3 we really did buy way too much as my mum also bought way too much so over the last couple of years I have limited what we buy which is y I'm annoyed as they only got 3 presents for their birthday one of which was a scooter. I also declutter a lot otherwise he moans constantly.

Cheekychops84 Sun 07-Oct-12 09:05:45

Hi green yes exactly! Tbh they just fight all day because I think they are bored ! Although in the past I have bought them a lot and they don't respect it as such and the bits get lost and it ends up in the bin after about a week of purchase so he may also see the waste in that. sad . When he grew up having no toys yes but the freedom to play outside with friends all day in the sunshine yes, where as here they can't play out all day in the sunshine they are stuck at home so do get bored.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now