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He's just been to a nude lap dancing bar :(

(366 Posts)
RunnyBum Sat 06-Oct-12 00:56:34

H just back from nude lap dancing bar, he has been on stag dos before and he knows I hate it. I'm gutted, he says I should forget this one "mistake" as he (allegedly) didn't has a private dance as he knows I would hate that. He claims he was just curious (inspite having been before and knowing all about it!!) Being in front of a naked woman that isnt me, for kicks just feels like cheating on some level. Oh and he wasn't on a stag tonight just out with a friend.

Found out as I Where's My Iphone'd him as he was meant to just be in our town, and I thought he'd be heading home.

We're meant to be going away on a romantic break in a few weeks, but a the minute I don't want him near me sad

How would u deal with this?

ledkr Sun 28-Oct-12 11:40:21

One more no offence intended and yes put in my place about the parenting point but its the length of time and effort that some guys spend on here trying to tell women how they should feel about the sex trade when opinions are bound to differ that amazes me. I can't imagine dh doing that or even wanting to that's all. smile

Offred Sat 27-Oct-12 19:19:08

Ha, have agreed with you so much on this thread OMC, what to do, what to do... grin

OneMoreChap Sat 27-Oct-12 19:13:18


Have to just quickly say that I do find it odd that a bloke can sit and post on a predominantly female forum for days on end to try and tell women how they should be feeling about certain subjects

Mumsnet = by parents for parents...

not female for women...

Though, actually, an awful lot of it does seem to be women telling other women how they should feel, or behave...

ledkr Fri 26-Oct-12 17:21:59

Have to just quickly say that I do find it odd that a bloke can sit and post on a predominantly female forum for days on end to try and tell women how they should be feeling about certain subjects. Shouldn't you be doing something a bit more manly like have a lap dance?

Offred Fri 26-Oct-12 16:22:39

Did you read the op Kerry? He didn't tell her this time or the other times he has probably been either. What is your point? That she shouldn't complain or he won't tell her? What's the point of that?

kerrymumbles Fri 26-Oct-12 14:43:52


kerrymumbles Fri 26-Oct-12 14:43:29

oi. i never said men "had to" to this reasonable behavior...etc. etc.

i just said he wouldn't tell her next time.

and he won't

Offred Fri 26-Oct-12 09:38:03

Ironic larry, ironic...

larrygrylls Fri 26-Oct-12 09:01:55

"derailing" is in the eye of the beholder, who in this case is the OP.

General discussion around the issue may actually be more useful to someone than immediate snap judgments and instructions as to how she should feel.

I have one rule I always stick to. If the OP asks me to leave or tells me my input is not useful, I refrain from posting any further. There are plenty here who continue on threads after having been asked to leave by the OP...

olgaga Thu 25-Oct-12 22:44:42

Well I was arguing too, until I got reported grin but the thread definitely got derailed on Tuesday morning when some people decided some other people needed to be corrected. Hey - I was there!

Offred Thu 25-Oct-12 21:14:17

Larry - should be means something different from are.

Offred Thu 25-Oct-12 21:13:31

And I've been arguing just as much as him so derailing of the thread shouldn't only be blamed on him.

Offred Thu 25-Oct-12 21:12:35

Meh, not sure that's very fair olgaga, there have been more female than male apologists on this thread. I know it is larry you are meaning, he's bad because of his fundamental beliefs not because he is a man.

olgaga Thu 25-Oct-12 20:35:47

Yes that's an interesting point, re the spending of family resources on strippers.

RunnyBum please come back to explore your options. You do have options, you know. Hopefully your next thread won't be derailed by men wanting to pursue an agenda.

I and others would sincerely like to help you.

Doha Thu 25-Oct-12 19:23:11

I wonder why he turned his find my I phone app off, Probably because he doesn't want you to find out just what he is spending family money on. lapdancers and gambling--what a loving family man NOT

You had better look out for yourself ad your DC's OP....

fiventhree Thu 25-Oct-12 19:10:05

OP, about this:

"He has turned off his find my iPhone app, which I don't care about as it was horrible to find out that way."

I dont check up on my h after his infidelity either. And neither of us use the app you mention.

But I would be a bit unhappy if my h turned it off straight after I had complained about his behaviour, because it suggests that he doesnt want to take the chance of being found.

In fact, it was what my h did when he used to 'accidentally' change his password/his web home screen or whatever, after I had found some more dodgy evidence.

He does sound secretive, and that isnt good in itself.

PosieParker Thu 25-Oct-12 16:38:59

I have to say I luuuurrrrrve the idea of using Where's my phone to find my husband, it's piggin' brilliant!!! He can't talk when riding his bike and gets home very hungry, bit moany, so now I can track him and shove food at him as soon as he gets in the door! (not 1950s housewife)

HappyHalloweenMotherFucker Thu 25-Oct-12 16:34:30

Op, you seem unhappy and powerless in your relationship in more ways than one. That is no way to live. Don't accept shoddy treatment for the sake of being with a bloke who sounds like a poor sort of partner and father

PosieParker Thu 25-Oct-12 15:55:17

OP. One thing I don't understand about the ending of your story is how you are supposed to trust someone who, as a first move, turns off his iPhone app that shows where he is. confused That's quite bizarre. Surely as a first move, when attempting to rebuild trust, the breaker becomes completely transparent, even if it just stops the constant questioning. I would have thought that was a given.

TheReturnOfBridezilla Thu 25-Oct-12 15:51:26

Sorry op, just caught your last post and I'm being insensitive. This isn't really the place for my views. Hope you are ok.

OneMoreChap Thu 25-Oct-12 15:50:32

well, I'm a non-lap-dance supporter so I'd tend to go along with that

TheReturnOfBridezilla Thu 25-Oct-12 15:48:59

I just don't see the appeal of male or female strippers tbh. If you want to look at other people naked, maybe consider you shouldn't be in a committed relationship. If you want to open the relationship up on both sides / end the relationship then that's probably the right way to go.

OneMoreChap Thu 25-Oct-12 15:35:10

.... wonder if the phrase "might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb" occurs to those men who consider going to lap dancing clubs...

TheReturnOfBridezilla Thu 25-Oct-12 15:28:50

I'd feel perfectly entitled to go out and have a one night stand if my husband went for a lapdance. I really don't see what he could complain about. grin

Opentooffers Thu 25-Oct-12 14:21:00

Entertaining banter though all this maybe, sadly it has usurped the OP's predicament somewhat. Wonder if this is the tip of the ice-berg? Casino after work found out rather than mentioned, turning off phone app. This lap-dance visit was on a casual night out rather than in male celebration and I get the feeling that the OP may be setting it with other things that she is not happy about within the relationship, that have yet to be mentioned but cause concern. I may be wrong, but it is just a feeling, the undertone of what the OP has posted about feeling weak. Sorry OP think this thread has done a disservice to you and been taken over by people who like to voice their opinions rather than give help and advice.

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