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Could you cope without sex?

(105 Posts)
temptedmum Thu 23-Mar-06 18:23:08

DH shows no sign or interest in sex these days. he's a fantastic DAD and affectionate in every other him to bits. But I just can't cope with a future of no sex/intimacy. He's always had a low sex drive and I've always initiated (or mostly) the pyhsical side of our relationship...but am now getting p*d off with the whole situation. Tried discussing it with him and now getting angry that he seems not able to either discuss or work it out with me or to do whatever needs to be done to resolve the problem...."the" conversation has been going on now for the past two years. I now feel unloved, unattractive and want to feel alive again so Victoria beckham if your old man is free send him around to mine and get him to take me over the kitchen table or something so that I can feel like a real women again . Any suggestions would be most welcomed (blush)

temptedmum Thu 23-Mar-06 18:23:55


NomDePlume Thu 23-Mar-06 18:24:39

Yes, I could cope with a lack of sex in my relationship so long as there was closeness and affection.

desperateSCOUSEwife Thu 23-Mar-06 18:25:21

no I couldnt cope without nooks

WigWamBam Thu 23-Mar-06 18:26:43

As long as I was getting affection, cuddles and respect, and as long as I felt loved and appreciated, then yes, I could manage without sex.

temptedmum Thu 23-Mar-06 18:27:13

so what do I do....find somebody else just for sex...or resign myself to a life that's fine in every other way...just no sex ?!

desperateSCOUSEwife Thu 23-Mar-06 18:28:30

rampant rabbit to satisfy your sex drive
dont really know

lou33 Thu 23-Mar-06 18:30:21

couldnt cope without sex in a relationship

temptedmum Thu 23-Mar-06 18:30:31

tried that......but only when DH is away....have talked to him about using it when he's around...he's far too embarrased.....

Jackstini Thu 23-Mar-06 18:31:24

Tempted - if it is just very different sex drives I would keep yourself happy with toys inbetween times.
However, if he never wants it again think it is more serious and he may need to see someone. Don't think I could go completely without forever tbh

foxinsocks Thu 23-Mar-06 18:32:17

It sounds like he has always had a low sex drive so has he changed or is it your expectation that's changed? I think you need to sit down with him and have a serious talk about it and tell him you cannot manage without. Also, see if you can persuade him to have a medical check up (as various conditions can lead to low sex drive).

desperateSCOUSEwife Thu 23-Mar-06 18:32:26

well like the saying
better to do it yourself

sorry if your dh is embarrassed but it is just tough
you do need to release yourself now and again
and if he cant fulfil you then do it yourself babe

gibberish Thu 23-Mar-06 18:33:46

I suspect I wouldn't cope well without it. I hardly ever want it these days, but if I COULDN'T have it no doubt I would be climbing the walls in desperation!

Would you dh be willing to speak to your doctor?

temptedmum Thu 23-Mar-06 18:34:48

I've suggested that he goes and talk to somebody with me or on his own....but he still hasn't done anything despite all the talking and discussion. I've even tried the "give him time" tactic and don't mention usually able to carry on for about three months then have to say something....

temptedmum Thu 23-Mar-06 18:40:02

Foxinsocks - during the early days of our relationships we couldn't get enough of each other (isn't it always the case ??!) then we got married, had children....and it seems to have just faded away as far as he is concerned.....he seems OK in other aspects, still doing OK at work, resonably motivated by other outside interests...I think I can pin point the change when he had an affair...but that was 8 years ago !!

gibberish Thu 23-Mar-06 18:40:37

Have you explained to him how you are feeling unloved and unattractive because of this? (Think I would feel the same TBH). I can't help but feel he is being selfish by not doing something about this before now. He must know it is affecting you badly. Perhaps he is scared?

expatinscotland Thu 23-Mar-06 18:41:33

yes. sex is overrated. when i think about the things i did for sex in the past, i'm embarrassed

motherinferior Thu 23-Mar-06 18:44:08

I will join you in your shame, epis

temptedmum Thu 23-Mar-06 18:46:59

yep, have told him how it makes me feel (there havd been times when I've felt like crying ) and he IS really caring...but sometimes I don't want to talk anymore...I just need a good seeing too, IYKWIM....and I try to make light of it too by saying that I'll have to find myself a toy boy or something, jokingly of course....which he laughs at with at a loss.....even thought he might be gay whichi he thought was hysterical, by the way

overdraft Thu 23-Mar-06 18:48:27

use your vibrator when he is home.Might get him in the mood

temptedmum Thu 23-Mar-06 18:49:58

...tried it...he just walked out of the room highly embarrased...and made me feel awful......

cod Thu 23-Mar-06 18:50:21

Message withdrawn

overdraft Thu 23-Mar-06 18:52:18

but she is a woman with needs

temptedmum Thu 23-Mar-06 18:52:22

of course havn't tried since then...we now seem to be more embarrased and uncomfortable with each other than we were when we first starting seeing each other, which can't be right

gibberish Thu 23-Mar-06 18:53:21

Wish I could help you with this, but have no great advice. Strange that this started after he had an affair though... you are an angel for being so patient and understanding with him. Feel more than ever after reading about the affair that he is being selfish. If BOTH of you were not interested in sex, then there would be no problem. But the fact that it is making you so unhappy means that he has to get help, whether he wants to or not. He owes it to you. He's not showing he loves you by making you go through this.

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