Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

I am pregnant

(41 Posts)
s0fedup Thu 04-Oct-12 18:03:46

As the title states i am pregnant (very early) I found out yesterday.
I have no idea how it happened as we rarely dtd.
We have had some major issues in our marraige. One of them being me wanting a 3rd child and him dead set against it, oh the irony.
I am utterly terrified of telling him, he will hit the roof...

M0naLisa Sat 06-Oct-12 21:55:53

Just sit him down and tell him
It takes two to tango or did he miss that sex education lesson at school angry

s0fedup Sat 06-Oct-12 21:30:13

your right i know. I just keeping hoping my boobs will suddenly blow up or some other obvious sign manifests itself so he 'discovers' it!! shock

izzyizin Sat 06-Oct-12 21:06:17

Finish what you're saying and duck leave the room. Or write it out on a post-it note and stick it up his arse on his shaving mirror.

It's not going to be pretty but if you don't tell him sooner rather than later, that'll be another weapon you're handing him.

s0fedup Sat 06-Oct-12 20:26:26

thats why i am so worried. It makes me so bloody angry though. He never listens to me, actually thats not true he does.
He listens but its not a converstaion, he is just waiting for me to finish what i am saying...

izzyizin Sat 06-Oct-12 20:16:22

Wear body armour and a hard hat because chances are one whole heap of totally unfair blame is going to come raining down on you when you break the news.

s0fedup Sat 06-Oct-12 19:29:27

yes izzy, you are right in a way.
He will 100% say that I didnt tell him, but the reality is he probably didnt listen. He is not really interested and I know when I told him he was like 'oh'

izzyizin Sat 06-Oct-12 19:10:56

Hardly a 'huge' conversation, honey... you've stopped taking the pill and he doesn't use condoms and it seems to me that a chat about him being snipped is long overdue.

What are you going to do if nature doesn't intervene? Blame any weight gain on krispy kremes and wait until you're about to deliver before telling him dc3 is on the way?

Would your reluctance to tell him, and fear of his reaction, have anything to do with you not having spelled out in clear terms what not starting your new pack of pills could mean if he didn't assume responsibility for contraception?

M0naLisa Sat 06-Oct-12 18:34:00

But if you mc then won't you want his support???
Tell him

s0fedup Sat 06-Oct-12 16:33:17

hi, To be honest it all feels so unreal. I dont 'feel' or look pregnant at all and I know this sounds terrible but i could tell him now and the pregnancy might not progress naturally (its still very early) then we would have had a potentially huge conversation over nothing...

dondon33 Sat 06-Oct-12 16:25:27

Good to hear of the improvements S0
I do agree with some others too- whatever his reaction he is equally responsible in planting the seed, so to speak, He willingly had sex knowing you weren't protected.
When do you plan on telling him?
Good luck x

s0fedup Fri 05-Oct-12 11:04:29

i will definitely be back. I am hoping with happy news x

izzyizin Fri 05-Oct-12 11:00:41

Good luck - I hope you'll come back and let us know how it went.

s0fedup Fri 05-Oct-12 10:44:43

i dont know why last post appeared again?? sorry!!

s0fedup Fri 05-Oct-12 10:42:56

thanks for appology bushy.
I know you are all right, I didnt do it to myself! so what will be will be...

flyoverthegoldenhill Fri 05-Oct-12 08:45:18

sOfed as you have said alot of things have changed. Break it gently, I don't agree with dropping hints (but thats because my dp would never pickup on hints) and really try to make it a proper conversation. Prepare yourself. Can you get out for a long walk, and go over the conversation in your head. He may actually feel differently now. Good luck thanks

izzyizin Fri 05-Oct-12 08:33:22

I don't dispute that, zippey. It goes without saying that it's entirely up to the OP to decide whether she find responses to her thread helpful, or not as the case may be.

However, although you may agree with her opinion on this occasion I don't and, FWIW, I'd find it disturbing if any dw professed herself to be 'utterly terrified' of telling her dh that she was pregnant.

I hope your h reacts in civilised manner when you tell him the news, sOfedup, but, if not, joint counselling may be the way forward to improve your relationship to the extent that your dc are not caught in the crossfire, so to speak.

s0fedup Fri 05-Oct-12 08:23:06

thanks for appology bushy.
I know you are all right, I didnt do it to myself! so what will be will be...

zippey Fri 05-Oct-12 08:01:50

If OP thinks some of the comments have been unhelpful izzyizin, then they have been unhelpful, doesnt matter what we think. I agree with her though.

Congratulations! He may be annoyed or angry at first but if he was a good father to your other children then he may grow to accept things and it may be a great way to closen the bond in your relationship too.

Hope all works out for you.

bushymcbush Fri 05-Oct-12 07:51:28

Heartfelt apologies for any offence I caused with my somewhat direct comment. It's quite out of character for me actually, but believe me when I say it came from outrage on your behalf sofedup, not against you.

As someone else said (far more delicately than me) you have nothing to be forgiven for.

I'll remove my size 9's from your thread rather than upset you again, so wish you the very best of luck.

s0fedup Fri 05-Oct-12 07:39:06

Good morning,
in answer to you questions...
Yes things have improved somewhat. He is really trying more with the dcs.And with me to a certain extent. I think I am still being quite distant though.
His health has dramatically improved and that has made a massive difference. It was all completly stress related and work settled down so has his body.
If he cannot accept this baby, or me (for getting pregnant) then I am prepared to do it alone. One area I have complete confidence in is my skills to mother. Dont worry I am under no illusion it would be easy but I could cope.
I am going to wait a bit longer as I still dont 'feel' pregnant so theres a bit of me that thinks its all just a mistake...

dondon33 Thu 04-Oct-12 21:47:14

I remember some of your other threads S0fedup,
Has your DH illness/behaviour towards you and the DC improved (sorry don't have time to search)
I remember you really struggling along.
I hope your news is accepted with joy S0 I really do, but if your determined to have this baby and he doesn't accept it what are your plans? Go it alone?

izzyizin Thu 04-Oct-12 21:43:41

You've been given some helpful suggestions as to the way in which you break the news, but the issue is why you are 'utterly terrified' of telling your h that nature has taken its course and you are pg.

You've referred to him having been 'dead set' against having a 3rd dc, in which case he could have opted for a vasectomy or using condoms thus ensuring there will be no further addition to your family.

As he hasn't chosen to avoid you becoming pg, it surely won't come as a great surprise to him unless, of course, there is something you haven't revealed here.

Instead of second guessing his reaction, albeit that I suspect you're right about how he will react, I would suggest you tell him sooner rather than later as it's probable that undue delay will serve to exascerbate what is likely to be an unpleasant 5 minutes for you.l

ringodingo Thu 04-Oct-12 21:23:37

op does,nt need a biology lesson or being told of any dick sticking and dc feeling sorry for. yes they both dtd, but she is now stuck between a rock and a hard place being terrified of telling him. this is the issue she needs support with and unhelpful comments are not support.

izzyizin Thu 04-Oct-12 21:10:02

I can't see anything harsh or unhelpul about any comments here.

Having a dc, or another dc as the case may be, is a life-changing event and it occurs to me that this is an opportune time for you to take stock of the quality of your life at present and to do whatever is necessary to improve it for yourself, for your existing dc, and for any future dc you may have.

This may involve counselling or separation/divorce but, if you're not proactive in bringing about any desired change(s) yourself, nothing will change for the better of its own accord.

s0fedup Thu 04-Oct-12 20:59:50

thankyou so much make it large and ringo. It all feels so unreal. But it also feels like i am lying. My bf in rl knowd and agrees I should not say anything yet. Its still so early anything could happen

I would not consider a termination. I am strongly pro-choice but we are married with jobs so even though it will cost more I have no good reason to end a life.
My marraige has been very strained but I think he is trying. I really have been very distant and he knows how close we were to separating. I dont think he wants that but knows that it will take time for me to be back to the old me. sorry I dont know if that made sense!!

Thanks again, it helps being annonymous and just writing it all down.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now